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Thread: Why am I so insecure?

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    #1

    Why am I so insecure?

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    Hey guys,
    so my wonderful fiance is currently deployed. He left in March and wont be back until October. The longest we ever been apart was 3 months so now you know this is hard time for me. I have also been dealing with lots of personal problems so I have been very emotional, moody, frustrated and sometimes even depressed. My fiance has been helping as much as he can. Now, I am one lucky girl. I have a man who truly loves me and I can fully trust. We have been engaged since August last year and want to get married when he gets back.
    I honestly don't know why I am being insecure but I am getting tired of it since it always causes arguments and tension in our relationship. Problem is he spoiled me with attention. Messages all the time, long skype calls, spending all the free time together....we could not get enough of each other. Now he is deployed along with men who are cheating on their wives while there and as much as I understand things cant be the same, I miss the attention. We speak every day but sometimes I see him online and wont hear from him until later on....and that makes me sad. I should be happy he spends his free time cutting hair but he does that even when he knows I am waiting on him to call him and needing to speak with him. I tried bringing it up but he accused me of nagging and acting funny and what not. Then i kind of slipped and asked if he is also on some dating apps....I knew he is not but I kind of needing some comfort by hearing it. And of course he took it as I do not trust him. It really makes me sad we argue over nothing. I feel like I am insecure but I cannot figure out why. I know there is no quick fix but I wish someone would explain what the heck is going on with me. I really am one of the very few lucky girls because I met my soulmate so why do I turning our convos into arguments? I am afraid that he might get fed up eventually and just leave
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by kaywalton View Post
    Hey guys,
    so my wonderful fiance is currently deployed. He left in March and wont be back until October. The longest we ever been apart was 3 months so now you know this is hard time for me. I have also been dealing with lots of personal problems so I have been very emotional, moody, frustrated and sometimes even depressed. My fiance has been helping as much as he can. Now, I am one lucky girl. I have a man who truly loves me and I can fully trust. We have been engaged since August last year and want to get married when he gets back.
    I honestly don't know why I am being insecure but I am getting tired of it since it always causes arguments and tension in our relationship. Problem is he spoiled me with attention. Messages all the time, long skype calls, spending all the free time together....we could not get enough of each other. Now he is deployed along with men who are cheating on their wives while there and as much as I understand things cant be the same, I miss the attention. We speak every day but sometimes I see him online and wont hear from him until later on....and that makes me sad. I should be happy he spends his free time cutting hair but he does that even when he knows I am waiting on him to call him and needing to speak with him. I tried bringing it up but he accused me of nagging and acting funny and what not. Then i kind of slipped and asked if he is also on some dating apps....I knew he is not but I kind of needing some comfort by hearing it. And of course he took it as I do not trust him. It really makes me sad we argue over nothing. I feel like I am insecure but I cannot figure out why. I know there is no quick fix but I wish someone would explain what the heck is going on with me. I really am one of the very few lucky girls because I met my soulmate so why do I turning our convos into arguments? I am afraid that he might get fed up eventually and just leave
    If you've been moody, could it be that you're just looking for trouble? I do that sometimes tbh. I don't pick fights with my boyfriend or anything but I'll get a little bratty if I'm already in a bad mood.

    Second, how do you know these other guys are cheating on their wives and what does that have to do with you? If these are people he's choosing to spend his time and be besties with I'd understand because birds of a feather flock together etc etc etc but otherwise it has nothing to do with him. If he found out one of your random coworkers was cheating on her husband would it make him suspicious of you? Probably not because that's nonsense. And why is your mind immediately going to dating apps? Has this been a problem before? That just seems kind of random and I don't blame him for being irked at that question.
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    #3
    I'd say if your mind is focused on other men possibly cheating on their wives and your fiancé being on dating sites then there most certainly is an issue with trust and that isn't "fighting over nothing"
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    #4
    How do you know these guys are cheating on their wives? Honestly. I am not sure. I would do some soul searching and figure out why you are so insecure before you push a good guy away. I wouldn't put up with my boyfriend or fiancé randomly accusing me of being on dating apps, that's for sure. Or assume I was cheating because a co-worker was.
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    #5
    Have you been cheated on before? Sometimes it is hard not to bring past hurt to current relafionships, but it will ruin you if you do.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Allybeth View Post
    How do you know these guys are cheating on their wives? Honestly. I am not sure. I would do some soul searching and figure out why you are so insecure before you push a good guy away. I wouldn't put up with my boyfriend or fiancé randomly accusing me of being on dating apps, that's for sure. Or assume I was cheating because a co-worker was.
    That one guy he hangs out with the most has been cheating on his wife for a while now. There was a whole big drama some months ago when his wife found out. And now, my fiance told me, lots of guys, including this one, are on dating apps trying to meet local girls. That is when I asked if he is on any. But you are right, I do not want to push him away And that is why I am so bummed about it.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Medic2Doula View Post
    Have you been cheated on before? Sometimes it is hard not to bring past hurt to current relafionships, but it will ruin you if you do.
    Yes, unfortunately so. All my past relationships ended because I got cheated on. I was doing just fine before he left so I dont really understand why I am acting up like this
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    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    If you've been moody, could it be that you're just looking for trouble? I do that sometimes tbh. I don't pick fights with my boyfriend or anything but I'll get a little bratty if I'm already in a bad mood.

    Second, how do you know these other guys are cheating on their wives and what does that have to do with you? If these are people he's choosing to spend his time and be besties with I'd understand because birds of a feather flock together etc etc etc but otherwise it has nothing to do with him. If he found out one of your random coworkers was cheating on her husband would it make him suspicious of you? Probably not because that's nonsense. And why is your mind immediately going to dating apps? Has this been a problem before? That just seems kind of random and I don't blame him for being irked at that question.
    As I already responded to someone else, my fiance told me about what is happening out there. How army men hook up with either army females or local females they meet on dating apps. I know it has nothing to do with him and as funny as it probably sounds now, I do trust him. I am really not understanding why I am acting this naggy and insecure. Not to mention, I am around guys all the time when it comes to my job. I am the one with a whole bunch business dinners and parties....sometimes I cannot even talk to him when he calls and yet, I am the one acting crazy. He never, not even once, questioned me because he trusts me. But yes, I am acting bratty mainly because I am in a bad mood. I have so much on my plate to deal with that sometimes it is hard to smile and act like everything is OK.
    Example.... I had to go to a court the other day and I was incredibly nervous. I kept texting him and when I got out I texted again hoping he calls me. I have not heard from him the entire day and I got mad about it. I told him how it bothered me but then later on I realized it was really nothing and that I should have texted him right away what happened there instead of waiting for attention. I feel lost
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    #9
    It seems very very odd--and pretty insensitive--for him to be spending so much time talking about how other people are cheating. Why is he telling you those things?

    As for the insecurity and lack of trust (because despite you saying you trust him clearly you don't really), you might consider therapy. But I'd also take a look at things and figure out why this person who knows you have insecurities is tell you all these things that feed that issue.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    It seems very very odd--and pretty insensitive--for him to be spending so much time talking about how other people are cheating. Why is he telling you those things?

    As for the insecurity and lack of trust (because despite you saying you trust him clearly you don't really), you might consider therapy. But I'd also take a look at things and figure out why this person who knows you have insecurities is tell you all these things that feed that issue.
    I understand it can seem odd but we talk about everything but I basically brought it up when he said he hangs out with this one guy who caused lots of drama and pain to his wife and everyone on post knows about it. I asked if he knows if they worked out their problems and his response was his wife stayed with him however he continues cheating on her. And that is also when he said what is happening over there. I know it can also look I don't trust him but it really didn't cross my mind he would do the same. The more I think about it the more I think I was looking for some reassurance. I really have no idea why I am being unsecured and it really bothers me. Could it possibly related to the fact he is deployed?
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