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Thread: Premarital counseling

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    #1

    Premarital counseling

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    Do you think there's a benefit in premarital counseling if you don't really have any issues, or problems resolving issues when they do come up? Like what else is premarital counseling actually for?

    *not close to marriage, this was inspired by a Reddit post lol
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    #2
    I used to say generally no, because most young couples (yeah yeah, youre not what I'd consider young, and you've been married before" are so in love, they think they know everything.

    However, I have changed my view...and look at it from a different perspective.
    For a couple where both people haven't been married before, it could be a good way to start talking about a lot of those topics which cause problems in marriage, but people don't consider talking about beforehand...
    Religious upbringing of kids
    Finances including spending budgets separate accounts, etc
    Porn
    Masturbation. ( One person on here once wrote that they agreed her husband wouldn't masturbate while he was deployed because it was a form of cheating. Everyone..well most people are entitled to their opinion, even if it is...well, not what I would consider not stupid.)
    Opposite sex friends.
    And the list goes on...
    But you get the idea....
    So can it be useful?
    Yes, but only if both people are flexible in their thinking, and open to the idea that they may not actually be comparable.
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMsSunshine View Post
    I think it's really funny when people come on here, and automatically assume that everyone here is a gung-ho, hoo-rah, i-bleed-red-white-and-blue, kiss-my-military-ass, people-in-uniform-can-do-no-wrong, and i'm-entitled-to-everything bitch.
    "RIP Blackie, and Whitey, New Whitey. Goodbye Poopers and Momma Beige and Lady Grey. New Blackie and the Whitey Sisters rule the roost now!"
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Guynavywife View Post
    I used to say generally no, because most young couples (yeah yeah, youre not what I'd consider young, and you've been married before" are so in love, they think they know everything.

    However, I have changed my view...and look at it from a different perspective.
    For a couple where both people haven't been married before, it could be a good way to start talking about a lot of those topics which cause problems in marriage, but people don't consider talking about beforehand...
    Religious upbringing of kids
    Finances including spending budgets separate accounts, etc
    Porn
    Masturbation. ( One person on here once wrote that they agreed her husband wouldn't masturbate while he was deployed because it was a form of cheating. Everyone..well most people are entitled to their opinion, even if it is...well, not what I would consider not stupid.)
    Opposite sex friends.
    And the list goes on...
    But you get the idea....
    So can it be useful?
    Yes, but only if both people are flexible in their thinking, and open to the idea that they may not actually be comparable.
    Hey now!!!!!
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    Hey now!!!!!
    Youre a very youthful, yet still sexxy and responsible, mature divorcee, who I am sure gets carded for r rated movies, but you're anything but a young dumb kid who thinks love solves all. I short-handed that to "you're not what I'd consider young."
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMsSunshine View Post
    I think it's really funny when people come on here, and automatically assume that everyone here is a gung-ho, hoo-rah, i-bleed-red-white-and-blue, kiss-my-military-ass, people-in-uniform-can-do-no-wrong, and i'm-entitled-to-everything bitch.
    "RIP Blackie, and Whitey, New Whitey. Goodbye Poopers and Momma Beige and Lady Grey. New Blackie and the Whitey Sisters rule the roost now!"
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    #5
    A good premarital counseling course will also teach the couple how each one communicates and how to understand that person better too.
    Plus is can save you 50 bucks on the marriage license depending on the state. That's a quick dinner and a movie!
  6. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #6
    Yeah like I think a lot of premarital counseling is preventative. The purpose is not to solve existing issues necessarily, but to establish communication/guidelines/boundaries etc. so that there won't be existing issues in the future. You know how sometimes people come in and complain about something their new DH or DW does and we're like "did you guys talk about this before you got married?", that kind of thing.
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    #7
    I think counseling is good for every couple! About to get married, far from marriage, just married, married for 30 years. I'm actually getting ready to go to an appointment right now. We're not really having problems and when we do we resolve them quickly, but we want to work on our communication
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by ThumperJane View Post
    A good premarital counseling course will also teach the couple how each one communicates and how to understand that person better too.
    Plus is can save you 50 bucks on the marriage license depending on the state. That's a quick dinner and a movie!
    Doesn't it cost money itself though?
  9. Pour a little salt, we were never here
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    #9
    I was/am generally under the impression that most premarital counseling is based in religion or given through churches/mosques/synagogues/etc... so it would have never interested me. However, if I had known you could do a secular version I think it would have been good. Even if you're getting along swimmingly, it might be because you're still in the honeymoon phase and even if you don't accept the information presented to you at the time, it's still something to fall back on if/when you do start struggling to resolve conflict.

    I think though it would be more effective for people 25+ than people under 25, just because I feel like you don't absorb as much during that time frame.
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    #10
    My FI are doing some now. Partly because the chaplain insists and since they are marrying us we have to do it. Partly because we wanted to do it anyway and we like the idea of continuing after we marry too. We talked about a lot of things before we even agreed to date each other to make sure we mostly had compatible ideas. Like religion and raising children and communication. I definitely have some communication problems that we know about and work around but we would obviously like tips on solving the problem in a better way for both of us. So we think of this as preventative maintenance kind of. This way if we decide to come back to it we know where to start
    I hope I make sense xD
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