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Thread: Marriage

  1. Old Newbie
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    #1

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    We are both so young, (I'm 18, he's 17), but he swears into the Navy in a few months. We haven't been together long but we are both very mature and sure of what we want. No one around me gets it, that he's already told me he wants to marry me, although we are talking 3-4 years from now, no one thinks it will be that long. Everyone thinks we are crazy but we really love each other and we know we want to get married. Any thoughts?
  2. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #2
    Dont get married just because you can. Get married when it's right for each of you as individuals and for your relationship. By that I mean establish real independence, figure out who you are, what you want in life. You change so much from 18-mid 20s, embrace that.
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    #3
    My thoughts are that every 17 and 18 year old thinks they are "very mature". And pretty much all of them are wrong.

    If it's going to work, then it will work. Part of maturity would be recognizing that if this is as solid and secure as you believe, then there is no reason to rush. Finish college or get established in a career. Live with him being in the Navy, and experience deployments together, and make sure it works for both of you. And make sure you guys still work as a couple as you change through your early 20s.

    Also, be careful about dismissing your friends and family because they "don't understand". If they don't understand, maybe it's because you haven't explained it. Someone doesn't have to experience something to understand. I don't have kids, but I can still be supportive and understanding of my friends that do when they are struggling with motherhood. And maybe there's a message in their doubts about the relationship. Try to look past your own feelings and certainty and see if they have legitimate concerns.
    And maybe address those concerns. That will show them that maybe you are as mature as you claim to be. If they are worried you aren't going to set yourself up to be able to support yourself, assure them that you know that's important and plan on waiting until after college or several years of working in a professional capacity before marriage. if they worry you are going to sacrifice too much for his career, assure them that you won't do that (and give them specifics).
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    My thoughts are that every 17 and 18 year old thinks they are "very mature". And pretty much all of them are wrong.
    True. I can't remember ever seeing someone say they are very immature for their age.
  5. Senior Member
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Ash98 View Post
    We are both so young, (I'm 18, he's 17), but he swears into the Navy in a few months. We haven't been together long but we are both very mature and sure of what we want. No one around me gets it, that he's already told me he wants to marry me, although we are talking 3-4 years from now, no one thinks it will be that long. Everyone thinks we are crazy but we really love each other and we know we want to get married. Any thoughts?
    I could have written this exact post over 9 years ago. We were 17 and 18 and hadn't known each other long before we were already talking marriage. The fact that he was headed to boot camp, and we thought we'd never see each other really played a part in why we rushed and got married at 19. And of course we thought we were mature and ready. But then reality came and knocked me on my ass.

    OP, wait. Your future self will thank you if you do. Marriage at that age is so hard! Take it from me, I know. You (general) have experienced very little up until that point so it makes it hard to handle real adult situations. Once you've been truly on your own-- you pay your rent, utility bills, car payments, car insurance, health insurance, groceries, college tuition, etc-- then you will be ready for marriage. The most difficult thing for me was I went straight from being under my parent's wing to being COMPLETELY on my own with a man I'd never lived with. I saw so many of my young military couple friends divorce. In fact, DH and I are the only ones from our large group of friends who are still married. The odds of not succeeding are definitely stacked against you. It's hard to understand unless you've done it, so the best I can do is warn you to wait.

    I am someone who's been in your shoes, and ive been married 8+ years, so please take what I have to say as honest and open advice.
    Last edited by idratherbehiking; 01-28-2017 at 09:20 AM.




  6. Senior Member
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    #6
    17... that's still a child goodness. OP, wait. I got married at 19, and it was definitely stupid. It worked out, and I'm lucky for that, but it's rare. There are lot of people on this site who got married young, and got divorced. Grow up a little bit, figure out who you are as a person, and then get married.

    Also, if you have to tell people you're mature, you're not mature.


  7. OG Member
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    #7
    I have never met a teenager (and that's what you both still are) that thinks they are immature and making wild decisions. Just because you feel passionately about this relationship now doesn't mean that that won't change with time. You said yourself you haven't been together long so you're still in the honeymoon phase, if you're going to be with this guy for the rest of your lives then you have the rest of your lives to worry about getting married. You should both experience life as adults and figure out who YOU are not who you are in this relationship. Take your time, enjoy dating and deal with issues as they arise in the relationship and get to know each other better, once you know your relationship is truly solid then start talking about marriage.


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    #8
    If you want to be a divorced single mother when most of your friends are graduating college, by all means marry this guy.
  9. Senior Member
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    #9
    Well my oldest will be 16 in March so I'll probably come across in a mom way....and I'll tell you what I tell her.

    Anyways, wait. Y'all very well may be mature (I don't know either of you so really cannot say either way from what I currently know) but that doesn't mean getting married or even to each other is the right decision for either of you. Focus on what both of you have going on. Enjoy being young and free. Enjoy being with and getting to know each other free from adult responsibilities, especially decisions that require you to work through with someone else. This is your time to focus on you and be selfish. Don't deprive yourself of that. This is your time to learn about yourself and the world....to get experience and wisdom. All of this will only make each other better people and able to make sound decisions that are best for each of you. And I always tell my daughter to get a degree/work experience to be able to take care of herself. I know you don't want to think anything bad would happen but you will never regret being able to stand on your own two feet and take care of yourself (and any kids you may one day have). You may not need to do this because of divorce either, something could happen to your SO. You just never know. But nobody can ever take away your education.

    Also, if you've discussed this with your parents and/or his don't be quick to dismiss them. They don't want to hurt you or see you hurt. They want to see you succeed and do well. Just keep that in mind and that maybe, just maybe, they have knowledge to don't yet have. Therefore, they can see further out and how certain things can impact you.

    ETA: Oh and btw, I was pregnant with my oldest at 18, married at 19, and spent my college years as a young married mother. My husband was in the Navy for a lot of that so I spent over 2 years of that time with him gone on underways, school, and 2 deployments. And we lived 14 hours away from our hometown so nowhere near anyone I knew--in other words, no help.
  10. Senior Member
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    #10
    It literally takes more than just love to have a successful marriage,and honestly nobody really tells you that.

    There are people out there who still love each other and ultimately divorce.

    Take time to grow as,an individual first with needs and goals. I too literally jumped from my mom's house to living with my husband at 19, and I'm still maturing as a person even with bills, a baby, and a marriage to nurture. It has taken me awhile to establish what I want out of relationship; and I was temporarily disheartened to find out that there are certain things that my hubby isnt as enthusiastic about that i am overly passionate of exploring/experiencing. You will continue to change as a person at your age and just because things are great now doesn't mean you will be fine with the things that are yet to come in your relationship. One of you can fall sick or suffer an injury (dealbreaker) if the other feels this is not the life they imagined, being a 20 year service member is a dealbreaker to some later in life; it may be too stressful of a career path for the other spouse (same goes for other certain career paths that may even keep you in the office for even 12 hrs a day multiple times a week, differences on having a child or not is also a (dealbreaker) cause to make people rethink their relationship with that person.


    Oh and BTW the example I used was travelling in mind, he would love to travelling, he's just less enthusiastic about it because he doesn't have that good of memory about stuff outside of his job. But it hurt when I initially realized his view on travelling without that additional information though. Now I understand and we came up with solutions together to not make the situation painful for us both for when we do travel together.
    Last edited by TriggerHappy; 01-29-2017 at 03:46 AM. Reason: Changed wording
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