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Thread: I feel suffocated by my husband. Advice?

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    Amethyst's Avatar
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    #1

    I feel suffocated by my husband. Advice?

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    Hey Guys, I'm very new and excited to find this forum and wanted to just jump right in and get advice from you guys.

    My husband and I have been together 7yrs, We met a month after he got back from his tour in Iraq, married a year later. He is ex-marine and been diagnosed with it all; PTSD, TBI, anxiety, and depression most of which he had before the military and fiercely refuses treatment for, When I met him he was very closed off -he doesn't open up easily and doesn't want to be around many people-, He rarely attends social events with me, He prefers it to be the two of us which I normally have no problem with because I absolutely adore him but I'm a very social person with a big group of friends, My H however is a secluded individual & only mixes at the gym when he's fighting, He has an intimidating demeanour to people but he is not what he seems. Right now his focus is on fighting and steroid use, I've only seen him fight once & was shocked that he has so much anger built up inside of him, He told me what drives him is pure unfiltered rage, His fighting scares the **** out of me -for that reason he asked me not to attend his fights so I don't see that side of him- I feel a lot of pressure from him sometimes because he claims I am the only person he feels safe with and trusts, He is never far from my side -wants sex a lot and even when im sleeping he pulls me close into him.


    The other night we had a huge intense argument like we've never had before, we said things that hurt each other, me telling him ( purposely to hurt him and not at all meaning it) that I hated him and regretted marrying him, I could see the deep hurt in him when he looked at me, I regretted saying it straight away but he walked out. I went to have a bath to calm down, he'd obviously started drinking and A while later he came into the bathroom dragged me from the bath and into our bedroom, the rest is pretty obvious, I tried to fight him off but I couldn't, he then just walked out of our house. I was in shock but straight away packed a few things and checked into a hotel, He pleaded and begged me for forgiveness telling me he doesn't know what came over him he said he blacked out. I'm back home now and Don't get me wrong I'm deeply in love with this man but I feel suffocated, Any advice guys?
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    #2
    He raped you? That's what you mean by the rest is obvious right? Your husband who is using steroids (I'm assuming not prescribed by a doctor) and says he's filled with pure unfiltered rage dragged you out of your bathtub and raped you. RUN! RUN fast and far and report what happened to you. Do not stay in that house one more minute with him. RUN!


  3. In vino veritas
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Amethyst View Post
    Hey Guys, I'm very new and excited to find this forum and wanted to just jump right in and get advice from you guys.

    My husband and I have been together 7yrs, We met a month after he got back from his tour in Iraq, married a year later. He is ex-marine and been diagnosed with it all; PTSD, TBI, anxiety, and depression most of which he had before the military and fiercely refuses treatment for, When I met him he was very closed off -he doesn't open up easily and doesn't want to be around many people-, He rarely attends social events with me, He prefers it to be the two of us which I normally have no problem with because I absolutely adore him but I'm a very social person with a big group of friends, My H however is a secluded individual & only mixes at the gym when he's fighting, He has an intimidating demeanour to people but he is not what he seems. Right now his focus is on fighting and steroid use, I've only seen him fight once & was shocked that he has so much anger built up inside of him, He told me what drives him is pure unfiltered rage, His fighting scares the **** out of me -for that reason he asked me not to attend his fights so I don't see that side of him- I feel a lot of pressure from him sometimes because he claims I am the only person he feels safe with and trusts, He is never far from my side -wants sex a lot and even when im sleeping he pulls me close into him.


    The other night we had a huge intense argument like we've never had before, we said things that hurt each other, me telling him ( purposely to hurt him and not at all meaning it) that I hated him and regretted marrying him, I could see the deep hurt in him when he looked at me, I regretted saying it straight away but he walked out. I went to have a bath to calm down, he'd obviously started drinking and A while later he came into the bathroom dragged me from the bath and into our bedroom, the rest is pretty obvious, I tried to fight him off but I couldn't, he then just walked out of our house. I was in shock but straight away packed a few things and checked into a hotel, He pleaded and begged me for forgiveness telling me he doesn't know what came over him he said he blacked out. I'm back home now and Don't get me wrong I'm deeply in love with this man but I feel suffocated, Any advice guys?
    I'm sorry, its not obvious and I hope I am reading this wrong. He DRAGGED you out of the bath and into the bedroom and then...walked out of the house? Or are you saying that he raped you and then left?
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    #4
    This is unacceptable and not something to forgive. That's not love. Get out before he does it again. He WILL do it again.
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    #5
    Yeah. What they all said. I am actually feeling terrified for you.
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    #6
    First of all from the way this was written, he raped you. Again, if I am reading this right... Husband or not what he did was rape. He used force to have sex with you, correct?

    Let me tell you this - I would report his ass to the police ASAP. Husband or not - rape is rape! You need to get out of the house and go to the police.

    His steroid use combined with alcohol is a rage waiting to happen - trust me, my first husband was all about it! These fits of anger that you see... they won't get any better. He did it once ( begs for forgiveness) and he will do it again. A man that truly loves a woman would NEVER EVER do any of this!
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    #7
    Get the fuck out of there now. I don't know what exactly is supposed to be "obvious" but he dragged out out of the fucking bathtub. That alone is disturbing, and I would get the hell out of there. That is a dangerous situation, steroids often cause aggression issues, and its clear your husband has them. Pack a bag, take out some cash, get out of there. Report the abuse to the police.


    Also, in the future, don't say something unless you mean it. don't tell your husband you hate him when you don't. That's not fighting fair. I'm not saying what happened to you is at all your fault or because of what you said. This is a completely unrelated note. In future relationships, you say only what you mean and what you intend.


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    #8
    You need to get out there ASAP and get somewhere safe where he doesn't know. Then you need to call the police and report this. Rape is rape .. doesn't matter if you are married or not.
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    #9
    Get out. Go to a local women's shelter, or a family's place, or a friend's place, or anywhere other than where he is. Do not tell him your location. Call the police. Get your banking/money in order. Get a lawyer. File for divorce.


    I am actually horrified by this, and so sorry you are going through this.
  10. Dancing Backwards in High Heels
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    #10
    Yes, get the fuck outta there and don't look back.

    Also, in the future avoid relationships with people with mental health issues that refuse to do anything about them. Mental health issues don't just get better on their own.
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