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Thread: Our first argument

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    #1

    Our first argument

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    Hey guys,
    I am not sure where to post this so I apologize if I am in the wrong forum category.
    This is not army related...it is about my diet and relationship.

    My boyfriend and I will be celbrating our first anniversary in just couple days. Since we met, I have been very serious about my weightloss and managed to lose 45lbs.
    I have another 40lbs to go to reach my ideal weight and goal. I have always been struggling with weight unlike my boyfriend who has beautiful muscular body without any effort.
    Only exercise he gets is during PT. With that said, he does not really understand how hard it is for me.

    In the past year of being together, he has been very supportive and we never argued besides some petty stuff. Well this past weekend he asked about my weight. Him asking me how much I weigh was the
    hardest question ever. I completely froze and told him I am not comfortable telling him - not yet. I explained how I never told anyone (besides my doctor) as it is a very sensitive topic to me and how embarassed I am.
    This response started a crazy argument. I got yelled at for about 5 hours....how I dont trust him, how he cant trust me because I am hiding stuff, how we shouldnt be together,....him slamming doors, leaving the house, coming back, getting drunk and yelling some more....I went to sleep crying and totally exhausted. In the middle of the argument I told him the actual weight and felt terrible..... I thought morning will be OK but we did not speak most of the day. We argued for another 2 hours as he is not trying to understand my point view and accused me of not trying to understand him. When I dropped him off on post (we do not live together), we did apologize to each other and made sure we both are OK. This morning he called just like every day and acted like nothing happened.

    My question is.... is it really such a big deal not telling your weight to your significant other?
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    #2
    Wow. He sounds incredibly childish and immature. You have him a reasonable explanation, that you feel uncomfortable telling him and he should be understanding of that. It's pretty well known that weight can be a sensitive subject to some people. I think he completely overrated there and I think that maybe once you're both calmer, you should talk to him about it.

    As for weight, DF knows how much I weigh. He never asked but I tell him. I don't really weigh myself ever and when I do get weight at the doctors office or whatever I tell him.
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    #3
    There's nothing wrong with not wanting to share that. There is definitely something wrong with his reaction. Screaming, slamming doors, and getting drunk during a fight are not acceptable behavior, and they certainly would never happen more than once in any relationship for me. I *might* give him one incident of acting like that, but I'd make it very clear I would not be treated that way ever again. And if it happened again, he'd be single.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #4
    Are you sure this argument was really about you not wanting to tell him your weight? It sounds like something else is going on. And learning how to argue without being childish is important in order to move forward. I hope you can have a reasonable conversation about this incident.
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    #5
    Wow .... that behavior is not acceptable to me and I think I would let him know it's not acceptable. I have a zero tolerance policy for that type of behavior and DH knows it. I have no issue with disagreeing and we have our share of arguments, but we treat those disagreements in an adult fashion and find some compromise. Let him know your expectations as to how to deal with conflict.
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    Wow!!! That really is so uncalled for, like dekeoboe said, are you sure this wasn't about something else? Like he was already mad about something and lashed out because of this? Either way its uncalled for, df has never asked how much I weigh, if he did I would tell him but that doesn't mean everyone has to share that info. He knows what size jeans/shorts I wear(because I sat in bird crap and we had to go shopping for new shorts ), so I'm sure he can take a guess how much I weigh but he has never asked me. For him to think you can't be trusted and you are hiding stuff because you don't feel comfortable sharing your weight is a little much!
    "She knew she loved him when 'home' went from being a place to being a person."
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    Quote Originally Posted by irish85 View Post
    Wow!!! That really is so uncalled for, like dekeoboe said, are you sure this wasn't about something else? Like he was already mad about something and lashed out because of this? Either way its uncalled for, df has never asked how much I weigh, if he did I would tell him but that doesn't mean everyone has to share that info. He knows what size jeans/shorts I wear(because I sat in bird crap and we had to go shopping for new shorts ), so I'm sure he can take a guess how much I weigh but he has never asked me. For him to think you can't be trusted and you are hiding stuff because you don't feel comfortable sharing your weight is a little much!
    Thanks everyone. I am sure there is nothing more to the argument. We were having a fantastic evening. We joked around that he cant pick me up (which he did of course) and that is when he asked about my weight. I never seen him like that. I kept telling myself he is just tipsy and maybe that is why he is acting all angry but when we woke up in the morning and he kept on telling me all that stuff....I am just very heartbroken. We are going to our first ball on Wednesday and I am not longer looking forward to it. I dont know how to explain to him that he really hurt me.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by kaywalton View Post
    Hey guys,
    I am not sure where to post this so I apologize if I am in the wrong forum category.
    This is not army related...it is about my diet and relationship.

    My boyfriend and I will be celbrating our first anniversary in just couple days. Since we met, I have been very serious about my weightloss and managed to lose 45lbs.
    I have another 40lbs to go to reach my ideal weight and goal. I have always been struggling with weight unlike my boyfriend who has beautiful muscular body without any effort.
    Only exercise he gets is during PT. With that said, he does not really understand how hard it is for me.

    In the past year of being together, he has been very supportive and we never argued besides some petty stuff. Well this past weekend he asked about my weight. Him asking me how much I weigh was the
    hardest question ever. I completely froze and told him I am not comfortable telling him - not yet. I explained how I never told anyone (besides my doctor) as it is a very sensitive topic to me and how embarassed I am.
    This response started a crazy argument. I got yelled at for about 5 hours....how I dont trust him, how he cant trust me because I am hiding stuff, how we shouldnt be together,....him slamming doors, leaving the house, coming back, getting drunk and yelling some more....I went to sleep crying and totally exhausted. In the middle of the argument I told him the actual weight and felt terrible..... I thought morning will be OK but we did not speak most of the day. We argued for another 2 hours as he is not trying to understand my point view and accused me of not trying to understand him. When I dropped him off on post (we do not live together), we did apologize to each other and made sure we both are OK. This morning he called just like every day and acted like nothing happened.

    My question is.... is it really such a big deal not telling your weight to your significant other?
    To answer your question, I do think it is a bit odd, but to each their own. If you aren't comfortable with it, then you aren't comfortable, and no one should force you into doing or saying anything that you don't want to do or say.

    I would make a much, MUCH bigger deal on his actual reaction and behaviour. There is a huge problem with slamming doors, getting yelled at, getting drunk, leaving etc. THAT is such a bigger issue. Seriously.

    How much time have you spent with him? How has he reacted to disagreements in the past?

    I was in a relationship once, and the dud acted this way after a night of drinking. I caught the next flight home and never looked back. No one deserves that.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by dekeoboe View Post
    Are you sure this argument was really about you not wanting to tell him your weight? It sounds like something else is going on. And learning how to argue without being childish is important in order to move forward. I hope you can have a reasonable conversation about this incident.
    Quote Originally Posted by irish85 View Post
    Wow!!! That really is so uncalled for, like dekeoboe said, are you sure this wasn't about something else? Like he was already mad about something and lashed out because of this? Either way its uncalled for, df has never asked how much I weigh, if he did I would tell him but that doesn't mean everyone has to share that info. He knows what size jeans/shorts I wear(because I sat in bird crap and we had to go shopping for new shorts ), so I'm sure he can take a guess how much I weigh but he has never asked me. For him to think you can't be trusted and you are hiding stuff because you don't feel comfortable sharing your weight is a little much!
    I really don't think it matters whether or not there was something else going on. That type of behaviour is totally unacceptable, something else or not.
  10. No longer seeing where it goes, I'm in the driver's seat.
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    #10
    I look at issues like that with fighting has there is a communication issue somewhere else. I know my DB and I can have similar issues and we're currently trying to figure those out. Best of luck.
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