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Thread: In need of advice...

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    #1

    In need of advice...

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    My boyfriend and I have been together for quite some time for people of our age. A few months into our relationship he enlisted in the Army Reserve National Guard. Though it was sad I have supported him through basics training and half way through his AIT training. The last few weeks he had grown very distant and finally he told me he was doing it because of the high possibility of being deployed. I didn't handle the news very well because he had been arguing with me just before and had decided to drop that mid argument over texts.. It's been two days and I haven't heard from him and he has taken our relationship off his Facebook. He had immediately jumped to the conclusion of me not supporting him, which after a day of silence and time to calm down I know I could make it through deployments.

    Should I give him some time then try to talk to him? Or is it actually over?
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    #2
    I would be up front with him about how you feel and your willingness to be by his side thorughout the deployment. He too could have needed time to process the situation of a deployment, and also he could be worried about you in with the situaiton. Talking with him about your status and what is best for the both of you, I believe is best.
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    #3
    Is he done with training? If he's still in training and hasn't been assigned to a unit yet he won't know if he's deploying. It could be years before he deploys. It's not something he should stress over until he knows for sure that he will be deploying. I think you both need to have a serious conversation about what you expect from each other IF a deployment comes up. How can you or him know how you will handle a deployment until it actually happens? You may think you'll react in one way but you could react in a completely different way
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    #4
    It sounds like he's being a coward and using his situation as an excuse to break up with you so he doesn't have to tell you something worse tbh. He's not even finished training yet, he has no immediate plans to deploy. He probably just wants to be single.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    It sounds like he's being a coward and using his situation as an excuse to break up with you so he doesn't have to tell you something worse tbh. He's not even finished training yet, he has no immediate plans to deploy. He probably just wants to be single.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Heisenberg View Post
    It sounds like he's being a coward and using his situation as an excuse to break up with you so he doesn't have to tell you something worse tbh. He's not even finished training yet, he has no immediate plans to deploy. He probably just wants to be single.
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    #7
    Any military has the chance of being deployed, he knew that before he signed up. Being In the gaurd he will be gone at least one weekend a month and a few weeks over summer after his basic training right?

    I'm not into Facebook bc things like you mentioned (taking your relationship down) seriously annoy the crap out of me. Maybe give him a few days, reach out and try your best. If he doesn't respond or is argumentative, I think you know your answer. I agree with the above that maybe he is using it as an excuse. I personally would still feel the need to try my best and see if that was the root before walking away. Good luck with your decision and let us know what happens!!
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    For those who wanted an update, here it is.

    He talked to me once last week and that was about his stuff(because I'm the keep of one of his expensive watch things) then he fell off the face of the earth again.

    After another week of silence he has finally decided to start talking to me again and claims that he never broke up with me, he just wanted space because he was mad. He also says he took me off Facebook because he works with classified information and he didn't want me to be targeted, which brought up the fact that I've been up since he joined a year ago.

    I'm bothered that he allowed me to think we were split for nearly three weeks, if we were still together a happy birthday would've been nice(I know, I'm lame okay?) but I'm taking the situation as we are broken up and he can talk to me as friends all he likes. Is that harsh? Or is that okay to handle it that way?

    BUT ANYWAYS I would like to thank everyone for all the advice and opinions.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by CWinters View Post
    For those who wanted an update, here it is.

    He talked to me once last week and that was about his stuff(because I'm the keep of one of his expensive watch things) then he fell off the face of the earth again.

    After another week of silence he has finally decided to start talking to me again and claims that he never broke up with me, he just wanted space because he was mad. He also says he took me off Facebook because he works with classified information and he didn't want me to be targeted, which brought up the fact that I've been up since he joined a year ago.

    I'm bothered that he allowed me to think we were split for nearly three weeks, if we were still together a happy birthday would've been nice(I know, I'm lame okay?) but I'm taking the situation as we are broken up and he can talk to me as friends all he likes. Is that harsh? Or is that okay to handle it that way?

    BUT ANYWAYS I would like to thank everyone for all the advice and opinions.
    Wow. How old are you guys?


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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by CWinters View Post
    For those who wanted an update, here it is.

    He talked to me once last week and that was about his stuff(because I'm the keep of one of his expensive watch things) then he fell off the face of the earth again.

    After another week of silence he has finally decided to start talking to me again and claims that he never broke up with me, he just wanted space because he was mad. He also says he took me off Facebook because he works with classified information and he didn't want me to be targeted, which brought up the fact that I've been up since he joined a year ago.

    I'm bothered that he allowed me to think we were split for nearly three weeks, if we were still together a happy birthday would've been nice(I know, I'm lame okay?) but I'm taking the situation as we are broken up and he can talk to me as friends all he likes. Is that harsh? Or is that okay to handle it that way?

    BUT ANYWAYS I would like to thank everyone for all the advice and opinions.
    I am sorry, but to the bolded, that sounds like major bs!
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