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Thread: Together for 2 years, dumped 2 weeks into training...

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    #1

    Together for 2 years, dumped 2 weeks into training...

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    I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years now. We met in high school and lived together for 6 months before she left for marine basic. We kept in constant contact through letters throughout basic, myself writing her once a day. Things were strained, but it reaffirmed my love for her, and I thought she felt the same. We rented a beach house to celebrate her graduation with her and her extended family (mom passed away when she was a kid, father cut off contact mid teens). When we got to family say, she was excited and happy at first, then cold and distant for the rest of the stay. We got home for thanksgiving week, and she warmed up to me again, eventually telling me that she would do anything to make the relationship work. She left for MCT and got screwed by American Airlines losing her Seabag for two days, so her training was delayed, her along with 120 other junior marines. She had red libo and could use her phone whenever she wanted, so we kept in touch whenever we could find the time during the days. A weekend into it, she was sending me pictures of engagement rings she liked. A pretty clear message as to what she wanted. Then someone in her company did something stupid and she lost her phone privileges. I didn't hear from her until the next weekend, and she is distant again, I assume from the annoyance of delayed training. The next day, she tells me to move on and find someone else. That she's not worth me waiting for her. And that it would've never worked in the first place. But said she still loves me and wanted to remain best friends. I don't know if this is what she truly wants or if she is starting to feel the daily pressures of the military ( I have experienced them as both of my parents were in the navy for most of my young life, moved around quite a bit.) I told her I'd give her time to really think on this decision, but I don't know how much to give her. I know I will never truly understand what she's gone through and what lies ahead (she's going Aviation ordinance.) She's my best friend, and I don't want to lose her. I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Any advice about the situation would be appreciated.
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    #2
    My general advice is that when someone gives up on me, even when they wrap it in supposedly noble emotions (you deserve better, whoa is me), I am done. I want someone who will do anything to be with me, not who bails when the going gets tough, whether it is tough for me or use or him. Not someone who is willing to ditch me during a bad period.

    I'm sorry she quit on you.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #3
    That's odd that she was thinking of engagement one moment then breaking it off the next. I'd stay friends like she wants, no reason you can't be. And I'd try to talk to her to see what went wrong, see if it's something that can be fixed.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    My general advice is that when someone gives up on me, even when they wrap it in supposedly noble emotions (you deserve better, whoa is me), I am done. I want someone who will do anything to be with me, not who bails when the going gets tough, whether it is tough for me or use or him. Not someone who is willing to ditch me during a bad period.

    I'm sorry she quit on you.
    Gotta agree with this It sucks, I know. I've been there, done that. It really really really sucks, but you deserve so much better than someone who is willing to bail just because "oh this life is so hard go on without me!"

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    #5
    My husband told me that its drilled into new recruits and privates heads that their SOs back home are absolutely going to cheat on them while they're gone. The higher ups make it sound like its guaranteed to happen, not that it might. Its not a great excuse to push someone away, but maybe with all the new stresses, her head just isn't in the right place. Some of us may say we would never react like that and push someone we love away, but we never really know because we're not in their shoes. Its up to you to wait around or move on in the end! You could always wait and once she's finished her head may clear, or you could be waiting for nothing and maybe she's met someone at training, who knows.. not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but it of course happens sometimes. Id try to talk again.

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    That's the reason I am so confused. I don't think she has met anyone else, because I feel like she'd at least have the decency to tell me. I'm going to give it a month and just hope she does some serious thinking while she's training, if she even has the time, I have no clue.
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    I know it's on me now if she continues to hurt me, but I'm not ready to quit on her yet. She's has a ton of people come into her life and walk all over her then leave, I promised her I'd never leave her, even if I just have to be friends with her. And I know I sound dumb for defending her, but what else can I do.
  8. Vex
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by amandabcdefg View Post
    My husband told me that its drilled into new recruits and privates heads that their SOs back home are absolutely going to cheat on them while they're gone.
    Uh, what? What branch and when was this? This didn't happen whatsoever when I was in BCT.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vex View Post
    Uh, what? What branch and when was this? This didn't happen whatsoever when I was in BCT.
    I think this is somewhat common. Both my dad (served in the Army long before I was born) and DH (Marine) told me that their DIs would tell them stuff like that. Their DIs would say stuff like, "Jody (Jodie?) is at home looking after your girl..." Then they'd tell them that they'd get a "dear John" letter soon. The terms "Jody" and "dear John" is pretty common. It's just a hazing tactic.




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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by zmayhan27 View Post
    I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 2 years now. We met in high school and lived together for 6 months before she left for marine basic. We kept in constant contact through letters throughout basic, myself writing her once a day. Things were strained, but it reaffirmed my love for her, and I thought she felt the same. We rented a beach house to celebrate her graduation with her and her extended family (mom passed away when she was a kid, father cut off contact mid teens). When we got to family say, she was excited and happy at first, then cold and distant for the rest of the stay. We got home for thanksgiving week, and she warmed up to me again, eventually telling me that she would do anything to make the relationship work. She left for MCT and got screwed by American Airlines losing her Seabag for two days, so her training was delayed, her along with 120 other junior marines. She had red libo and could use her phone whenever she wanted, so we kept in touch whenever we could find the time during the days. A weekend into it, she was sending me pictures of engagement rings she liked. A pretty clear message as to what she wanted. Then someone in her company did something stupid and she lost her phone privileges. I didn't hear from her until the next weekend, and she is distant again, I assume from the annoyance of delayed training. The next day, she tells me to move on and find someone else. That she's not worth me waiting for her. And that it would've never worked in the first place. But said she still loves me and wanted to remain best friends. I don't know if this is what she truly wants or if she is starting to feel the daily pressures of the military ( I have experienced them as both of my parents were in the navy for most of my young life, moved around quite a bit.) I told her I'd give her time to really think on this decision, but I don't know how much to give her. I know I will never truly understand what she's gone through and what lies ahead (she's going Aviation ordinance.) She's my best friend, and I don't want to lose her. I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Any advice about the situation would be appreciated.
    Quote Originally Posted by zmayhan27 View Post
    That's the reason I am so confused. I don't think she has met anyone else, because I feel like she'd at least have the decency to tell me. I'm going to give it a month and just hope she does some serious thinking while she's training, if she even has the time, I have no clue.
    Quote Originally Posted by zmayhan27 View Post
    I know it's on me now if she continues to hurt me, but I'm not ready to quit on her yet. She's has a ton of people come into her life and walk all over her then leave, I promised her I'd never leave her, even if I just have to be friends with her. And I know I sound dumb for defending her, but what else can I do.
    It could be nerves. Boot camp is super stressful and a lot of people come out of it a bit different than when they went in. Some people go back to their normal self, but for others it can take some time. MCT is pretty much a continuation of boot camp-- a lot of hiking and weapons training-- I barely heard from DH while he was at MCT. But, once she gets to A school, everything settles down and becomes "normal". Maybe she'll realize she overreacted or let her fears get the best of her.

    I hope things work out.




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