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Thread: Military marriage general questions & more

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    #1

    Big Grin Military marriage general questions & more

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    Hey guys (: my love is away at bootcamp right now in San Diego. When he gets home, I want to bring up marriage to him. We haven't been together very long, and yes we are young, but I am sure I want to be with him. I realize this lifestyle will not be easy but I'm truly willing to work through anything. I think love has no age limit. I was wondering if someone could give me some general info on marrying someone in the military. Do they have to be immediately be informed, how do you get to live with them, things like that. Whatever you think I need to know. Also I need some assistance deciding when to bring it up. I'm sure he will be stressed after bootcamp so should I wait a few days or make it sooner? This is something I would want to do whether he was military or not. And I miss him like crazy so wish me luck? Thank you! Any help is appreciated.
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by LoveMyUSMarine View Post
    Hey guys (: my love is away at bootcamp right now in San Diego. When he gets home, I want to bring up marriage to him. We haven't been together very long, and yes we are young, but I am sure I want to be with him. I realize this lifestyle will not be easy but I'm truly willing to work through anything. I think love has no age limit. I was wondering if someone could give me some general info on marrying someone in the military. Do they have to be immediately be informed, how do you get to live with them, things like that. Whatever you think I need to know. Also I need some assistance deciding when to bring it up. I'm sure he will be stressed after bootcamp so should I wait a few days or make it sooner? This is something I would want to do whether he was military or not. And I miss him like crazy so wish me luck? Thank you! Any help is appreciated.
    Before you get married:
    He'll have to notify his CoC. They will require (at least they did when DH and I got married 7 yrs ago) for him to take a marriage class with will include counseling and how to complete all the paperwork.

    After:
    He will do the paperwork to get you in DEERS
    You will go get your ID made
    you'll need to enroll in Tricare Prime or Standard
    Y'all will start getting BAH so you'll need to decide if you will want to live on or off base. For on base, they will *usually* take all your BAH.
    If you get married before his orders are cut, then it is likely the military will move you to his new duty station. If you marry after orders are cut or after he shows up to his permanent duty station then you are responsible for all costs of moving your things to his location.

    Just a word of advice, I got married very young (a few months after I turned 19) and I was so sure of myself like you are. But being a young married military couple was very hard. Nothing prepared me for what it would be like to live that far away from family and friends and to be alone for so many months in a new state with no friends while DH was sent away for months of training. I know you think this is what you want, but as someone who's been there, I seriously advise you to wait a few years or at least until after college.




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    #3
    My advice is to slow down. Get through his boot camp first. You just posted that he was forced into the corps and he's questioning what he wants to do. I agree with the PP that you should finish school. DH and I got married when I was done with college (21) and looking back I was still too young. You'll hear stories from people here that it's taken 5,6,7 years to graduate because they got married and had to keep switching schools or do online courses.

    Anyway, I don't want to fully discourage you, but it seems like you're rushing a bit. To answer your question, I would wait until he's settled at his first duty station before bringing the subject up. Like you said, he's going through a lot of change. Who knows? Maybe he'll be the one to bring it up. Sometimes being away from an SO in the basic training/boot camp setting can accelerate the marriage bug for guys. Hope that helps.
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    #4
    I wasn't thinking we get married right this instant but I did wanna bring it up to him and start learning about the lifestyle (:
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by idratherbehiking View Post
    Before you get married:
    He'll have to notify his CoC. They will require (at least they did when DH and I got married 7 yrs ago) for him to take a marriage class with will include counseling and how to complete all the paperwork.

    After:
    He will do the paperwork to get you in DEERS
    You will go get your ID made
    you'll need to enroll in Tricare Prime or Standard
    Y'all will start getting BAH so you'll need to decide if you will want to live on or off base. For on base, they will *usually* take all your BAH.
    If you get married before his orders are cut, then it is likely the military will move you to his new duty station. If you marry after orders are cut or after he shows up to his permanent duty station then you are responsible for all costs of moving your things to his location.

    Just a word of advice, I got married very young (a few months after I turned 19) and I was so sure of myself like you are. But being a young married military couple was very hard. Nothing prepared me for what it would be like to live that far away from family and friends and to be alone for so many months in a new state with no friends while DH was sent away for months of training. I know you think this is what you want, but as someone who's been there, I seriously advise you to wait a few years or at least until after college.
    All of this, except my husband didn't have to take a class (maybe because we didn't get married right out of boot camp?).
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    #6
    Considering that it seems he has issues feeling pressured into decisions and then is upset about them, this is really something that you should slow down about.

    You miss him and emotions are high and you want to be right there with him on the inside so becoming a military wife seems like the way to do that, but if you do into marriage impulsively, it often ends with you looking back and wishing that you had stopped and taken the time to think about it. Take the time to enjoy being a girlfriend, there is nothing wrong with being a girlfriend.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by *Palindrome* View Post
    All of this, except my husband didn't have to take a class (maybe because we didn't get married right out of boot camp?).
    So I asked DH and I guess the class isn't a technically a requirement. He told me when he notified the CoC he wanted to get married, they strongly "encouraged" him (they pretty much told him he had to take it even though he technically didn't have to) to take a marriage class. He was 18 and still in C School, so I think they were just looking out for him and I can see were they were coming from. It can't hurt to take a course though.




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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by LoveMyUSMarine View Post
    I wasn't thinking we get married right this instant but I did wanna bring it up to him and start learning about the lifestyle (:
    I'm with a PP on taking it slow. Focus on being a DG first. There's nothing wrong with being a girlfriend




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    #9
    Don't bring it up. You are sitting home (not literally) missing him. He is literally missing from your normal pre boot camp life. He's not. He's busy trying to get through the hardest thing he's ever done. And as a previous poster mentioned he seems to feel like he's pressured into things that he doesn't want to do. So slow down.

    As far as being married to someone in the military, there isn't anything all that special about it except sometimes they're away for a period of time. DH and I live a normal life and it's not all that different from our non military friends.

    As far as a class or anything, DH was given a slip of paper with contact info for the chaplain and the premarital counseling that was offered.

    I'm totally for love. I'm totally for young marriage, as long as both parties feel the same and want it.

    In my opinion, you bringing up marriage shortly after boot camp is setting yourself up to get hurt really bad. How do I know? Been there. Done that. Not after boot camp but before. I had this magically vision of military life with exDB and thought he'd wanted to get married after boot camp. I brought it up and he called me the day before he left and broke up with me because he wasn't ready to get married and thought because I wanted to that he would only feel pressured for the rest of our relationship.



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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by LoveMyUSMarine View Post
    Hey guys (: my love is away at bootcamp right now in San Diego. When he gets home, I want to bring up marriage to him. We haven't been together very long, and yes we are young, but I am sure I want to be with him. I realize this lifestyle will not be easy but I'm truly willing to work through anything. I think love has no age limit. I was wondering if someone could give me some general info on marrying someone in the military. Do they have to be immediately be informed, how do you get to live with them, things like that. Whatever you think I need to know. Also I need some assistance deciding when to bring it up. I'm sure he will be stressed after bootcamp so should I wait a few days or make it sooner? This is something I would want to do whether he was military or not. And I miss him like crazy so wish me luck? Thank you! Any help is appreciated.
    Not only do they have to be immediately informed, in many cases they need to be informed before it happens.


    I wouldn't bring it up right after boot camp. That's an emotional thing for both of you to go through. I'd wait at least a month, of not much, much more, to let the dust settle so no one makes an emotional decision.

    Also, I think your boyfriend lacks a great deal of maturity, based on your other thread. I know you don't want to hear it, but I feel it would be irresponsible not to say something. Marriage to a boy who can't even stand up to his father about something a major as joining the Marines is all but doomed to fail. It's just an awful, awful idea. You are right that love knows no age. But successful marriage is not the same as love. It takes much, much more than love. Every young person who gets married assumed s/he will be the exception to the statistics. Most of them are wrong. What's the rush? If you and he are meant to be together and this thing is as sure to be forever as you think, what is really lost by waiting a year or two? You'll still be a couple. And you can be an couple while you both figure out what is involved in this life and how it changes each of you, and then you can make sure you still work as a couple within those changes. The rush to get married (or engaged but not planning to get married any time soon, which makes no sense at all) is just another indicator that you aren't ready.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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