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Thread: not sure- opinions?

  1. Regular Member
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    #1

    not sure- opinions?

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    I will try to keep this as short as possible-

    I met this guy about 4 months ago, we started it as exclusive FWB. *I* feel we get along well, for me there is a connection. I feel like we have quite a bit in common and we are sexually compatible. I asked him today if he was still into our 'arrangement' because he had gone quiet for a day or 2 and this is the text I get:



    I am trying to stay positive about what he means because I like him, but how do you read this? Does he want something more with me or is he telling me that he wants more than what we have, just not with me? We will talk about this but he said he wants more time to think about it so I won't pressure him about it.
    Last edited by Vodka; 12-15-2014 at 04:18 PM.

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  2. In vino veritas
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    #2
    I think if a guy doesnt know he wants to be with me, I wouldnt wait for him. Why would you wanna date someone who has to think about if you are worth the effort?
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    #3
    I read it as he doesn't know. Which to me says that he's feelings aren't very strong. I want someone who knows without a doubt that he wants me. This guy doesn't feel that way about you. Does it really matter to you if he is eventually able to talk himself into being with you? He's shown you very clearly that he's relatively indifferent about you. Knowing that, who cares which side of the fence he finally ends up on? Find someone who can't imagine choosing to live without you.
    Last edited by villanelle; 12-07-2014 at 06:10 PM.
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  4. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #4
    I think he is being vague because he likes the sex but doesn't want to put in relationship effort. If he said no "poof" goes the sex.

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  5. One does not simply Ewok into Endor
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Dr.VinoVet View Post
    I think if a guy doesnt know he wants to be with me, I wouldnt wait for him. Why would you wanna date someone who has to think about if you are worth the effort?
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    I read it as he doesn't know. Which to me says that he's feelings aren't very strong. I want someone who knows without a doubt that he wants me. This guy doesn't feel that way about you. Does it really matter to you if he is eventually able to talk himself into being with you? He's shown you very clearly that he's relatively indifferent about you. Knowing that, who cares which side of the fence he finally ends up on? Find someone who can't imagine living choosing to live without you.
    All of this. I was about to write something along the same lines.

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  6. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #6
    I could see it reading either way ... I mean I took as it wants more than FWB but I could see it to mean he wants more with you, or more with someone else.
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    #7
    Just playing devils advocate...I have always told him all along that I dont want anything from him because when we started I had just gotten out of a relationship. I know he isnt seeing anyone else so there isnt someone waiting for him if he dumps me. He recently took POF off his phone because I told him it bothered me he still had it (and rarely logged on). I dont know what to think.
  8. Talk Whovian To Me.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by AndreaClaire View Post
    I think he is being vague because he likes the sex but doesn't want to put in relationship effort. If he said no "poof" goes the sex.
    I'm in agreeance with this.
  9. Regular Member
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    #9
    He has also started inviting me to sleep over and when I declined one night with the excuse that I had my own routine in the morning, he replied you cant fit me into your routine?

    Not saying these things mean anything but he was sexually abused as a child and has great trust and intimacy issues stemming from that still even though he has gotten help for it. So I think things have to go slowly for him.

    He has said he likes me and has said he loves me before but who knows love in which way...
  10. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Vodka View Post
    Just playing devils advocate...I have always told him all along that I dont want anything from him because when we started I had just gotten out of a relationship. I know he isnt seeing anyone else so there isnt someone waiting for him if he dumps me. He recently took POF off his phone because I told him it bothered me he still had it (and rarely logged on). I dont know what to think.
    Just curious, do you still feel like you don't want anything from him? Like if ya'll aren't in a relationship and it's just FWB, why does it matter if he's on POF?

    Worst case scenario it reads like he may have found someone else he is interested in and wants to cut ties to pursue/be with that person. Or it could be that he wants FWB to stay FWB and he feels you are getting too attached, but doesn't want to commit to a relationship. Or he could mean he wants the relationship he has with you to be more.
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