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Thread: His exes keep creeping up

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    #1

    His exes keep creeping up

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    I have been with current DB for right at a year now. Before we met and actually started daing, he warned me that he had baggage. Mot of the time, I can deal with it. But, I don't know. It just creeps up.

    I have been living with him for almost six months now.

    I decided to clean our room today. I won't lie, it's gotten a little cluttered. I tried to straighten the stuff on top of the dresser, and there were invoices for Adam & Eve. I didn't think anything of it. I know he gets stuff from there sometimes. Cool. But some of the invoices were one of his exes. Then, I though I spotted my zebra print hills (classy, I know) under the bed. Nope. Some chick's slippers that definitely are not mine.

    At other times, I have come across notes. The stuff is just, around the house. If had snooped to find it. It might be a different story, but it's just there!

    Kinda on the same note, but not really. He saved naked pictures of another chick on his phone. Right before I moved in. Like days. That one still sting, but I know if I say anything else, it won't accomplish anything.

    I don't mean to sound like "that girl", but he really is a good guy. Things are great usually. It's just, when it keeps rearing its head, I don't know how to go about dealing with it.
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    #2
    Wait so he's having other girls at your house all the time and saved a naked chick in his phone after you were already together but you're claiming he's a great guy when he's not cheating on you? If I'm getting this right then sorry but no he is not a good guy, he's just hiding the shit when you think he's being good.
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    #3
    If the stuff was there before you, it wouldn't bother me nearly as much as him looking at/saving naked photos of another woman while you are dating. That's not acceptable. Honestly, I would not have moved in knowing that we was sexting others. That would have been the end for me
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by be: pistachio View Post
    If the stuff was there before you, it wouldn't bother me nearly as much as him looking at/saving naked photos of another woman while you are dating. That's not acceptable. Honestly, I would not have moved in knowing that we was sexting others. That would have been the end for me
    I agree. So chicks before you left their shit around, and since hes messier, he never kept track of the shit in the corners and depths of his house. That part would be NBD. But keeping naked pics from other girls that he got while dating? I would not have stayed.
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    #5
    I didn't know he was sexting other girls and I don't know when the picture was actually sent... But he saved it a couple of days before I moved in. I don't know why. I asked him if it was before X date that it was sent. He said yes. Maybe it's naive, but I trust him on that. Like. I really don't understand why he felt the need to save it...I don't.

    The "when" of when we became a couple is really hazy. I thought it was when he asked me to either want him or not, but to make sure I let him know whatever I chose. He has no idea and says we just kind of happened. But we use the date we do for our anniversary, because it was the day we met face-to-face... Yeah. We talked over a year before meeting.

    He doesn't have other girls at the house. It's just I keep finding their stuff. While I know he has a past. I don't want to be reminded of it while cleaning the house, or ever really.

    It's been at least two years since one of his exes was in the house and the stuff keeps popping up in places where they aren't really hidden. Those slippers were right beside some of his art stuff that he pulls out fairly regularly.
    Last edited by Pink2HisCamo; 06-14-2014 at 03:18 PM. Reason: Didnt see the point in a second post.
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    Assuming the invoices and slippers and everything else pre-date your relationship, I think there is nothing wrong with them. I mean, I wouldn't like finding them and it would irritate me, but I wouldn't be pissed at him. But I'd tell him now that next weekend, he needs to set aside 4 hours to go through his room and clean up, getting all that stuff out of the living areas so that you don't have to run across it again. That's a perfectly reasonable request--take some time to get that shit put away, or thrown away in most cases, so that your live-in girlfriend doesn't have to constantly run across it.

    But he saved naked pics of someone else on his phone days before you moved in? Knowing that, why on earth did you still move in? I don't understand why you "trust him", when you see what the saved date is and know it was shortly before you moved in. Even if he got the pictures 10 years before, he was accessing them and saving them while still in a relationship with you. How are you okay with that? You say that you don't see why he felt the need to save it. It's obvious. The reason he felt the need is that he wanted to have naked pics of some other girl, whom he used to date. That's the reason. How is that okay with you? I think maybe you want to find a way for it to be okay so that you don't have to accept just how shitty that really is.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    #1Assuming the invoices and slippers and everything else pre-date your relationship, I think there is nothing wrong with them. I mean, I wouldn't like finding them and it would irritate me, but I wouldn't be pissed at him. But I'd tell him now that next weekend, he needs to set aside 4 hours to go through his room and clean up, getting all that stuff out of the living areas so that you don't have to run across it again. That's a perfectly reasonable request--take some time to get that shit put away, or thrown away in most cases, so that your live-in girlfriend doesn't have to constantly run across it.

    #2But he saved naked pics of someone else on his phone days before you moved in? Knowing that, why on earth did you still move in? I don't understand why you "trust him", when you see what the saved date is and know it was shortly before you moved in. Even if he got the pictures 10 years before, he was accessing them and saving them while still in a relationship with you. How are you okay with that? You say that you don't see why he felt the need to save it. It's obvious. The reason he felt the need is that he wanted to have naked pics of some other girl, whom he used to date. That's the reason. How is that okay with you? I think maybe you want to find a way for it to be okay so that you don't have to accept just how shitty that really is.

    #1 Thanks. I am going to do that. I wasn't sure how to address it.

    #2 I'm not okay with it. At all. I was just a little less pissed that it was sent before then. Not only the disrespect to our relationship, but I have major body image issues that it did not help with. It still hurts that he did that. I just try not to think about it, but for whatever reason, when I run across his exes stuff, it comes back up front and center. I want to be able to work past it, but I don't know how. I don't throw it up in his face. Even though we talked about it when it happened, I still feel like there are things that haven't been fully resolved. I have no clue how to do it.

    Also, I saw the picture after I moved in. I wouldn't have moved hours away from home if I had had any clue.
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    #8
    I don't get how stuff keeps "popping up" where it's not really hidden 6 months after you move in? Do neither of you clean? I don't mean to be rude, and I'm fairly messy myself, but nothing just "pops up" 6 months later. And have you looked under the bed? Were the slippers there before?

    The deal breaker for me would've been the naked picture though. I don't care when he got it, I don't care when he saved it. If we're exclusive, and especially if I am moving in with you, I better be the only girl you have naked pictures of. I get guys are visual and a lot watch porn, read Playboy, etc, but to me that is different than having an ex's picture on your phone.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Pink2HisCamo View Post
    #1 Thanks. I am going to do that. I wasn't sure how to address it.

    #2 I'm not okay with it. At all. I was just a little less pissed that it was sent before then. Not only the disrespect to our relationship, but I have major body image issues that it did not help with. It still hurts that he did that. I just try not to think about it, but for whatever reason, when I run across his exes stuff, it comes back up front and center. I want to be able to work past it, but I don't know how. I don't throw it up in his face. Even though we talked about it when it happened, I still feel like there are things that haven't been fully resolved. I have no clue how to do it.

    Also, I saw the picture after I moved in. I wouldn't have moved hours away from home if I had had any clue.

    Bu now you do have a clue, yet you are still there. Might be something to think on...
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #10
    I don't generally go under the bed. He does. So, sometime in two years, I feel like he should have seen them and tossed them. He would've had to reach over it to get to his art stuff. That's why I say it wasn't hidden.

    I get that the picture is crappy. I just need to know how to address it.
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