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Thread: Need some serious advice

  1. Fresh Newbie
    CAgoldie's Avatar
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    #1

    Need some serious advice

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    Ok, so before tonight, I have been very confident about my relationship. Of course, it hasn't been perfect, but what relationship is? Tonight, I had a discussion with my mom that made me question everything and I don't know what to do. I'm seeking objective advice: am I overreacting or am I justified?

    In the very beginning of my relationship, I found a toothbrush in DB's bathroom. It wasn't his and he didn't share his bathroom with anyone else. Automatically, my brain went to "it must belong to a female." I have had nothing but cheaters in the past, so I'm automatically jaded. I decided to shrug it off, because we hadn't had any "exclusivity" talks at that point, and were both still active on the dating website through which we met.

    Since then, we have had the talks where we're only seeing each other. I never brought up the toothbrush thing because I didn't want to dwell on the past (I've been hurt a lot, and I know my attitude can cause undue problems, it has in the past) and wanted to trust this guy and my gut. And my gut had never told me a guy is more genuine and involved as he is.

    Should I keep ToothbrushGate in the past, because we weren't really together then, or am I justified in the fact that it bugs me? Honestly, I forgot about the whole thing until tonight. It was months ago, we hadn't had an exclusivity talk at that point, and after that when we had those talks, I genuinely believed him when he said he was only with me and didn't want to see anyone else (that was also when HE suggested we both take down our online profiles). I just don't want to be a fool, and want to know if I'm right for playing it cool or dumb for being too trusting...

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
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    #2
    Like the song said...let it go. You weren't exclusive.
    "Obstinacy is a fault of temperament. Stubbornness and Intolerance of contradiction result from a special kind of Egotism, which elevates above everything else the pleasure of its own autonomous intellect, to which others must bow.: Carl von Clausewitz
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    #3
    Are you really sure it wasn't his toothbrush? I at times have two toothbrushes lying around, both mine cause I haven't thrown one out It was also months ago and you weren't exclusive. I would let it go.
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    #4
    A toothbrush doesn't automatically equal cheating and to be honest I think you're way overreacting. I think my husband has like 3 toothbrushes Especially considering the fact that you weren't exclusive. Even if it did belong to a female, you weren't seeing only one another, he could have had a woman over if he wanted. Let it go.


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    notinthisgalaxy's Avatar
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    #5
    Could have been his. Unless he said out right this isn't mine you don't know for sure. Besides I think I have 3. 2 upstairs and 1 downstairs. DH has 2. Plus I have maybe 4 or so unopened ones under my sink.


    And since you were not exclusive it isn't cheating even if it did belong to another women.
  6. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by CAgoldie View Post
    Ok, so before tonight, I have been very confident about my relationship. Of course, it hasn't been perfect, but what relationship is? Tonight, I had a discussion with my mom that made me question everything and I don't know what to do. I'm seeking objective advice: am I overreacting or am I justified?

    In the very beginning of my relationship, I found a toothbrush in DB's bathroom. It wasn't his and he didn't share his bathroom with anyone else. Automatically, my brain went to "it must belong to a female." I have had nothing but cheaters in the past, so I'm automatically jaded. I decided to shrug it off, because we hadn't had any "exclusivity" talks at that point, and were both still active on the dating website through which we met.

    Since then, we have had the talks where we're only seeing each other. I never brought up the toothbrush thing because I didn't want to dwell on the past (I've been hurt a lot, and I know my attitude can cause undue problems, it has in the past) and wanted to trust this guy and my gut. And my gut had never told me a guy is more genuine and involved as he is.

    Should I keep ToothbrushGate in the past, because we weren't really together then, or am I justified in the fact that it bugs me? Honestly, I forgot about the whole thing until tonight. It was months ago, we hadn't had an exclusivity talk at that point, and after that when we had those talks, I genuinely believed him when he said he was only with me and didn't want to see anyone else (that was also when HE suggested we both take down our online profiles). I just don't want to be a fool, and want to know if I'm right for playing it cool or dumb for being too trusting...

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

    It happened before the talks - so even if it DID belong to another woman he wasn't cheating or doing anything wrong - let it go.
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    #7
    Yeah, let it go. Y'all weren't exclusive then so no matter the answer he wasn't doing anything wrong. Plus it sounds like it was awhile ago and if the chick I was dating suddenly started asking about a toothbrush I had back before we were even dating I'd be so confused.
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    #8
    I would let it go.... No lie, there is 9 toothbrushes sitting in my bathroom and there is only 3 of us. I use different ones for different things. I use one for the pick and another for the bristles.... I like the way one brushes my tongue.
    If you are not exclusive, it's really not fair to make him feel bad about a toothbrush.
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    #9
    Thank you so much everyone! You guys are all right: it happened before we were exclusive, could have been his, and I need to get over it! Honestly, it's not like I sit around thinking about it all the time I just remembered it, and the wheels started turning. I am glad I came to you all for advice, rather than asking him about it. Thanks you guys!!
  10. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #10
    Glad you asked and feel a bit better. Yea once you dwell on something for a bit your mind can make it into a bigger deal than it was.

    ~Art Page~
    Germy = wifey
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