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Thread: Counseling Before Marriage

  1. Senior Member
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    #1

    Counseling Before Marriage

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    DB and I have been very seriously talking about marriage. He's already had me go pick the ring and we are looking at scheduling time off with our jobs to get married, do all the paperwork with the Army and take a little mini honeymoon

    He recently asked me if I thought it would be a good idea to see a marriage counselor before we get married (Oh, and DB HATES therapists). He's surrounded by men with marital problems so I don't blame him.

    I am not against the idea but I personally don't see spending a ton of money to do that if we have not had any major problems in our relationship. We've already asked the hard questions repetitively and both of us have been honest with each other, even if that means not liking the answer we hear.

    What do you guys think?
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    #2
    We did counseling with a chaplain before marriage.

    I thought it was great. Even though we thought we had talked about everything under the moon, he brought a new perspective.
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    #3
    I think it's a GREAT idea. I went, my brother went, our friends went...it's GREAT to REALLY make sure you've covered EVERYTHING. Look into your(or a) church!

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    #4
    I'm glad to know that there are couples out there that did and had a good experience with it! Neither of us are religious so we would probably be going to an actual therapist.
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    #5
    DF and I are going to do it. We haven't had any major problems either but just want to make sure we are on the same page with everything.
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    #6
    We did counseling. For our pastor to marry us he required it. I am thankful that we did it. It helped us better understand each other, how to communicate with each other and also see things through the other persons eyes. I often reflect back on our conversations with the counselor. We also had a work book we worked in. I have it somewhere packed away still but hope to find one day find it again so we can go over it together.
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    #7
    DH and I did it. I am glad we did. We talked about everything already and knew basically where the other was coming from, but it helped to get another person's insight on the strength of our relationship heading into marriage. Also helped that he gave us tips and warnings based on our personalities and past experiences.

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    #8
    Dh and I didn't but I wish we had. Circumstances of deployment and school made it basically impossible though. We tried our best to cover everything but after marriage some communication difficulties came up that I think would have been noticed and resolved sooner if a professional had been there. I say go for it!
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  9. Pour a little salt, we were never here
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    #9
    I think it's a great idea. DH and I didn't do it and I don't feel any particular regret, but looking back it'd definitely be something I'd do if we had a do-over! I had never really heard of it until after we were married and then usually heard of it in religious settings, which we are not a part of.
  10. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #10
    I think premarital counseling is not so much about fixing major problems that are already in the relationship, but about laying the groundwork to 1) hopefully prevent serious problems from happening in the future (especially "typical" issues like finances/housework/life goals/etc) and 2) to make sure the couple has a good base in conflict resolution to deal with the issues that do crop up. Of course if the couple is having major problems that should definitely be addressed before the marriage, but in my experience premarital counseling is about so much more than that.

    I've done it and I thought it was helpful ... I guess if I was really tight on my budget and didn't feel the need I might consider skipping it, but ideally I would do it before marriage.
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