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Thread: Trying to start a fight

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    notinthisgalaxy's Avatar
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    #1

    Trying to start a fight

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    I feel like DH is trying to start a fight with me. I really don't want to fight.

    I know he is bored and he hates this 4 day weekend. Since he is on black phase he can't go anywhere or do anything for the most part except watch movies with the guys in the common area.
    He has been saying that he is frustrated and that he misses me so I am guess that is why he is in a bad mood but why take it out on me.

    I wonder if he has been talking to his mom. She likes drama. Sometimes I find that she will say things to get us to fight and the things he was asking... I swear she is trying to stir the pot again. But I can't ask because I know in this kind of mood that is all the spark he needs and I am not fighting over the phone. Nope if he wants to fight it will be in person dammit. He will just have to wait until I am there.
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    #2
    "I feel like you're starting to pick a fight. I don't want to fight. I will go watch a movie and go to ned (or something like that) and I will talk to you tomorrow" that's what I would say. I hate when DF is in a bad mood and when I feel like it gets to a point where it escalated and could turn into stupid bickering, I pull away. But I let him know first. I take you're long distance, and I always feel like long distance bickering tends to escalate quickly.
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    #3
    Well luckily his brother called and he went to talk to him instead cutting our conversation short.

    He called back an hour later to say he was sorry. And just as I thought, his mom said some choice things. She can be very manipulative.
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    #4
    I'm sorry. Although my better half adores my mom, I try to keep them at a distance. Don't want no family draaaaaaahmahhhh! LOL
    Good for you for hanging in there. Fights happen. We all get grumpy for one reason or another eventually, and you just have to muddle through it
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by notinthisgalaxy View Post
    I feel like DH is trying to start a fight with me. I really don't want to fight.

    I know he is bored and he hates this 4 day weekend. Since he is on black phase he can't go anywhere or do anything for the most part except watch movies with the guys in the common area.
    He has been saying that he is frustrated and that he misses me so I am guess that is why he is in a bad mood but why take it out on me.

    I wonder if he has been talking to his mom. She likes drama. Sometimes I find that she will say things to get us to fight and the things he was asking... I swear she is trying to stir the pot again. But I can't ask because I know in this kind of mood that is all the spark he needs and I am not fighting over the phone. Nope if he wants to fight it will be in person dammit. He will just have to wait until I am there.
    You may find it useful to use "I" messages when communicating with him. It doesn't matter if you're talking face to face, over the phone, or online. "I" messages help the listener (him) understand how you feel.

    Example: "I feel very frustrated and sad when our conversations turn so negative." - Expresses only your emotions/feelings without blaming.

    The opposite is a "You" message which leads to defensiveness and frustration.

    Example: "You are being a jerk" or "I'm really tired of you starting these arguments" - These statements use the word "You" which accuses or places blame on him.


    "I" messages open up communication. Once it's open you simply listen to what he's saying, and repeat it back to him in your own words to make certain you understand his needs and feelings.

    You can do a lot with "I" messages and Active Listening, but I don't want to get too long-winded in this post. Google either term for more examples. These are powerful interpersonal communication tools and they've worked wonders for our marriage and for our friends who we've coached in using these skills. Hope you find this useful in some way!
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    #6
    DH gets in a pissy mood with me for no reason I put him in his place. Uh-uh. Not happening. I get you are moody about whatever but you don't take it out on me and expect me to take it.

    *and before anyone jumps me, he nips my pissy moods right quick in the bud as well
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    #7
    I agree with using I statements or just walking away. I am HORRIBLE at walking away and I overuse I statements to the point DB probably wants to throw his phone at the wall so this is a "do as I say, not as I do" moment. However, he appreciates when I walk away because it gives both of us time to truly think about if we're really upset, just caught up in the moment, taking it out on each other, what.

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