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Thread: New relationship - Free time question

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Confused New relationship - Free time question

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    Hello everyone

    thank you for reading my post. My name is Cassandra and I met a wonderful person that I call my boyfriend 5 months ago. He is a SSG in the Army and is located 2 hours away from my town. Oh, and we met online.

    I never dated someone in the military before, nor do I have friends who are affiliated with the military so I don't really know where to seek advice. My biggest problem is that we don't spend enough time with each other, and don't get me wrong, I have my own life and don't expect him to be with me 24/7. But we get to meet maybe 2-3 times a month. Most times we make plans, but he gets to cancel them, and the reasons he is giving me sound pretty incredible. For ex. one of his soldiers got into trouble and he had to wait for his boss the whole day at the MP station...? I don't really have anything else to complain about, he is texting or calling me regularly and when we are together he is treating me right. But I'm still suspicious about the plan canceling thing, that happens way too often. I just feel frustrated sometimes, because I feel like he doesn't want to spend time with me.

    I would like to hear your experiences, am I too suspicious or is this a normal thing in the army?
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by socialbutterfly View Post
    Hello everyone

    thank you for reading my post. My name is Cassandra and I met a wonderful person that I call my boyfriend 5 months ago. He is a SSG in the Army and is located 2 hours away from my town. Oh, and we met online.

    I never dated someone in the military before, nor do I have friends who are affiliated with the military so I don't really know where to seek advice. My biggest problem is that we don't spend enough time with each other, and don't get me wrong, I have my own life and don't expect him to be with me 24/7. But we get to meet maybe 2-3 times a month. Most times we make plans, but he gets to cancel them, and the reasons he is giving me sound pretty incredible. For ex. one of his soldiers got into trouble and he had to wait for his boss the whole day at the MP station...? I don't really have anything else to complain about, he is texting or calling me regularly and when we are together he is treating me right. But I'm still suspicious about the plan canceling thing, that happens way too often. I just feel frustrated sometimes, because I feel like he doesn't want to spend time with me.

    I would like to hear your experiences, am I too suspicious or is this a normal thing in the army?
    Hi and welcome.
    The bolded stood out to me - you say you "call him your boyfriend" - *is* he your boyfriend? Meaning have the two of you had a discussion in which you agreed that you were dating one another? I ask because that will have a lot to do with my take on the rest of the situation.
    To the specific example - that is not an unbelievable scenario at all - one of the "joys" of being a SSG is being responsible for "your" guys and that means when they are in trouble you often end up "babysitting" them.
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    Hello and thank you for your response.

    Yes, we had *that* discussion and I will meet his family in summer when they come to visit him.
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    #4
    "Plan" is the only four letter word the army doesn't know.
    In any Long Distance Relationship, and especially a military one (see below) 99% trust is necessary. Otherwise you will drive yourself crazy wondering.
    And yes, that is normal. Especially at the lower ranks of enlisted, one person gets in trouble, the whole group gets punished.
    And i am husband of navy, so I don;t know all the ranks of army, like ssg. but see what person above said about that.
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
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    #5
    My husband has had to get up at 2 am to go to the mp station to deal with a solider, he was gone until 3 pm that day. So your bf having to sit at the mp station doesn't sound unreasonable to me. (My husband is a ssg). They're responsible for their lower enlisted guys. Sometimes sucks to be an NCO. Do you have any other reason to be skeptical of what he tells you? Do you not trust him?


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    I do really try to trust him, after we agreed on being exclusive he deleted his online dating profile from the site we met. I don't really believe that he is seeing anyone else. My problem was just that I felt rejected due his behavior. I never questioned his "excuses" (or facts) and I tried to be supportive and not accuse him of lying to me or anything. It's just, that I don't have anyone I could talk to who would understand my situation. So I'm relieved now, after reading your comments. Thank you guys for that!

    Besides him sitting at the mp station. There also have been meetings popping up last minute when we had plans, or he had to drive someone around (again when we had plans). He is gone now for 3 months, hopefully things will get better when he returns.
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    #7
    That sounds pretty normal for an NCO to me. DH missed dates for lots of reasons ... someone stole night vision goggles and they all had ot stand in formation all night, one time one of his soldiers decided to do some DIY scarification with a coat hanger and a lighter, tons of picking up people from the drunk tank, last minute meetings, people screwed up so he had to fix it, etc.

    I think the fact that you are trying to trust him is good. In the end, it *is* a leap of faith. You are completely entitled to feel rejected and if that's how you feel, it's how you feel ... but just keep in mind that just because you FEEL rejected doesn't mean you ARE being rejected. I know it's really hard to learn how to control those feelings but it will definitely come in handy as your relationship gets more serious.
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    #8
    It is crazy some of the things they have the military members do! DH has had to go into work for all sorts of crazy "end of the world" things. And most of the time its simple things that *could* have been handled over the phone, or better yet the next day he worked, but thats just not how they usually do things. "So and so said that so and so told them that you maybe might have had the keys to the gator last so could you tell me where they are please." "I wasn't even working that day." (That scenario actually happened once ) Especially with him being a ssg I think it is probably totally credible reasons (although they are frustrating and can *seem* unimportant to us).
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    #9
    sounds normal to me as well.
    Never had something like that because DH works as a medic and I really have to say his working schedule is great it is like a 9 to 5 shop. he gets out in time every day and never later than 4pm lol
    But planing is not a word the military knows lol. For example we have 1 car and ones a month he has to go to the white house and needs the car for it because he has to show up in his blues, and he just doesnt want to take the metro at that day.. Last time it was a Wednesday, then they changed it to Friday, and then they changed last minute back to Wednesday.
    There was another day, he had to go in on a Saturday to clean and sort out the medic stuff because someone came to check on the expire dates.. Well he went in at 630AM on a Saturday at the end all they did was sitting around..
    Getting used to the new lifestyle far away from home and leaving my fear behind each day a little more.
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    #10
    Stuff like that is pretty normal. Yesterday out of the blue DH got a call that he had to be in within the hour because two guys had gotten duis the night before. An hour's notice and he sat there for the next four hours.
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