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Thread: How soon did you and your DB/DG move in together?

  1. Regular Member
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    #1

    How soon did you and your DB/DG move in together?

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    I know I can't compare my relationship to others, but I am curious. How long were you and your DB/DG in a relationship, or how long did you know each other, before you decided to move in together?

    DB and I have known each other since October. He was deployed for a good portion of our relationship, and has been back for a month now. We both have to move out of where we currently live this summer, and so in terms of timing it is basically perfect. I essentially "live with him" on the weekends right now. Anyway, he asked if I wanted to move in with him when his lease is up. We'd be looking for a place together, obviously. By the time that happens we will have known each other/"been with" one another for 8-10 months, depending on how you look at it and when I move out. (My lease ends in July, his in June.)

    A big part of me is like: GO FOR IT! It makes sense, we'd save money, it'd be so much more, convenient, etc. Plus like I said I'm essentially at his place all the time on the weekends. (Can't on the weekdays since we live 45 minutes apart and our respective work places are even further.) Yet I am also semi worried? I don't want us to move in and have everything then go downhill. He's my first boyfriend so it'd be my first time moving in with a guy. I don't think I'm being caught up in the "romance" or anything. It feels right, I suppose. But I also don't know if I see this as a marriage relationship...granted, I don't know if I see me ever getting married! Plus, he wants kids and I don't and while that isn't a problem right now, since we're so young and everything...I don't know. I can't see moving in together as being bad but I also don't want to take such a big step only for it to fall apart soon after that. (I don't really see that happening, but still.)

    It's weird. I don't doubt doing this, per se, but I'm also just trying to look at it from every angle. We've got a couple months so I can still back out if it is early enough, and I will definitely be thinking about everything regarding it. But I just want your...opinions, I suppose. Mainly I would like your stories and experiences of when you have moved in with your SO.
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    #2
    Dh and I had known each other online for like 7 years when we started dating. Shortly after, we met in person. By the time I moved in with him for the first time, we'd been together about 4.5 months, and had spent approx. 14 days in person

    However, it was only for the summer, so there was sort of this understanding that if it didn't work out, well, I was moving back for grad school anyways. Less pressure definitely made it easier to go ahead and make the jump. It was kinda rough, mostly because he was in a really tough C school and I was working full time and trying to learn my way around the city. But at the end of the summer we were still together, still in love, so we made it work from there.

    By the time I moved in permanently, we'd been together nearly 2 years, were a couple weeks from being married, survived a deployment, and had spent about 4-5 months in person. It was such an easy transition, it was so nice to finally just live together and not have to worry about one of us leaving (Dh had only a few months left in the military at that point too).

    For us, the hardest thing was that I was moving into DH's apartment, where he'd already been for several years and had all his crap and was established. I did feel a bit like he didn't make enough room for me, like it wasn't our place, just me living in his, kwim? Now that we have a new apartment together though, that feeling has totally gone away. So I would recommend the new place together route that you are considering.
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    #3
    As you said I think its a very personal decision and only one you can make. For me, personally, I don't plan on moving in with someone unless I saw marriage in the future. It wouldn't be so much about the length time we had been together, but more about the stage in the relationship we were at. ExDB and I talked about doing it when he was done with his overseas assignment but at the time we felt we were going to get married and would have been together years by the time we moved in together. I want to say, if you really have so many dpubts about it, maybe it isn't time as yet. it also sounds a bit like you're making the decision because of convenience or timing more than anything else. If your lease wasn't ending would you still be talking about this?
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by ivyss View Post
    I know I can't compare my relationship to others, but I am curious. How long were you and your DB/DG in a relationship, or how long did you know each other, before you decided to move in together?

    DB and I have known each other since October. He was deployed for a good portion of our relationship, and has been back for a month now. We both have to move out of where we currently live this summer, and so in terms of timing it is basically perfect. I essentially "live with him" on the weekends right now. Anyway, he asked if I wanted to move in with him when his lease is up. We'd be looking for a place together, obviously. By the time that happens we will have known each other/"been with" one another for 8-10 months, depending on how you look at it and when I move out. (My lease ends in July, his in June.)

    A big part of me is like: GO FOR IT! It makes sense, we'd save money, it'd be so much more, convenient, etc. Plus like I said I'm essentially at his place all the time on the weekends. (Can't on the weekdays since we live 45 minutes apart and our respective work places are even further.) Yet I am also semi worried? I don't want us to move in and have everything then go downhill. He's my first boyfriend so it'd be my first time moving in with a guy. I don't think I'm being caught up in the "romance" or anything. It feels right, I suppose. But I also don't know if I see this as a marriage relationship...granted, I don't know if I see me ever getting married! Plus, he wants kids and I don't and while that isn't a problem right now, since we're so young and everything...I don't know. I can't see moving in together as being bad but I also don't want to take such a big step only for it to fall apart soon after that. (I don't really see that happening, but still.)

    It's weird. I don't doubt doing this, per se, but I'm also just trying to look at it from every angle. We've got a couple months so I can still back out if it is early enough, and I will definitely be thinking about everything regarding it. But I just want your...opinions, I suppose. Mainly I would like your stories and experiences of when you have moved in with your SO.
    I met my husband in July of 2008. We had been together ever since we met. By July of 2010 (2years later), we always saw each other, talked about getting married, all that jazz. We already knew we wanted to make this a permanent thing. My parents got mad at me and essentially kicked me out of the house for spending too much time with him. So I moved in with him. We got married about 6 months later.

    For me, I wouldn't move in with someone unless I was at the point in our relationship where we both thought it was forever. It would be really weird and inconvenient for us if we broke up. I told DH that if I moved in with him, he's stuck with me. I couldn't move back home and that I hoped he had enough respect for me as a person to give me time to move out and find a new place, if that ever happened. Luckily, it worked out.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by GingerGirl15 View Post
    As you said I think its a very personal decision and only one you can make. For me, personally, I don't plan on moving in with someone unless I saw marriage in the future. It wouldn't be so much about the length time we had been together, but more about the stage in the relationship we were at. ExDB and I talked about doing it when he was done with his overseas assignment but at the time we felt we were going to get married and would have been together years by the time we moved in together. I want to say, if you really have so many dpubts about it, maybe it isn't time as yet. it also sounds a bit like you're making the decision because of convenience or timing more than anything else. If your lease wasn't ending would you still be talking about this?
    I agree with the bolded. You're OP makes it kind of sound that way, although I know that might not be the case.

    I Eelizah
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    #6
    we dated for well over 2 years before moving in together. we married a year later.
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    #7
    We dated for a year, 7 months of it being long distance. I decided to move to CO to be with him, so we moved in together. We hadn't explicitly decided that we'd be getting married yet, but both of us saw the relationship as marriage material and felt that that was the direction our relationship was heading. He proposed 3 months after I got here, and we married 3 months after that.
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    #8
    If your workplaces are 45+ minutes apart does that even make sense? As someone who commutes 35-40 minutes each way, it's not easy to do.

    Personally, we moved in with each other after we got engaged. Especially with a deployment thrown into the middle, I would *personally* wait longer.
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    #9
    Dated about 9 months, after knowing each other 10 years. Moved in together a week after engagement.

    No way would I have moved with him if marriage wasn't all but a sure thing. We planned the move before we were officially engaged, but we'd talked and marriage was a definite.

    And I never would have even half considered it with someone I'd know 5 months, and with a deployment in that time as well.

    Also, are you going to quit your job, or are are you going to make that long commute from his place? Or will you get a place in the middle and both have long commutes? All of those seems like terrible plans.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by GingerGirl15 View Post
    As you said I think its a very personal decision and only one you can make. For me, personally, I don't plan on moving in with someone unless I saw marriage in the future. It wouldn't be so much about the length time we had been together, but more about the stage in the relationship we were at. ExDB and I talked about doing it when he was done with his overseas assignment but at the time we felt we were going to get married and would have been together years by the time we moved in together. I want to say, if you really have so many dpubts about it, maybe it isn't time as yet. it also sounds a bit like you're making the decision because of convenience or timing more than anything else. If your lease wasn't ending would you still be talking about this?
    I agree!

    Moving in with each other is a very personal decision for a couple, I believe.

    DH & I dated for over 6 years and we didn't move in with each other until after we got married and then got stationed here in Hawaii. We were married in Dec 2012 and didn't start living together until April 2013. When we were dating, we saw each other every day and after a few years started spending the weekends together. Neither of us are big on rushing into things. It does work for some couples but I've seen it tear couples apart as well. What works for one couple, may not work for another. You and your SO have to discuss the situation and go from there. Don't judge your relationship on the timeline of other couples.


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