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Thread: Marine BF breaks up after grad infantry officers course

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Marine BF breaks up after grad infantry officers course

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    Hi there,

    I was dating a Marine for almost 4 months and in that time we moved very quickly. I am here from overseas and never thought about a military man as someone I would date as it's not as big a thing back home. Over that time we lived 45 minutes away so would spend a lot of time in hotels, going on dates and texting when we weren't together. He had to be in the field lots so I knew what it was like not hearing from him.

    He graduated infantry officers course a few weeks ago and is now off before being stationed in 29 palms. We had talked and for my job I could relocate somewhere close at the beginning of August. He told me yes, do it so I started the steps. Then he went away there for 3 weeks, came back a little different. I told him he needed to let me know what was up but that I wanted to celebrate grad with him regardless of what he wanted.

    When he graduated he told me he didn't want to be together as it would be long distance for a little bit but mainly he didn't want me to move because of him not seeing himself being able to have a relationship or being able to see me. He told me he loved me so much and then the next day before he left I asked why he really was dumping me. Because all his reasons had nothing to do with me and just were situational and he said a lot of confusing things, I had to pry it out of him that he hadn't known me long enough to know if he could see us together. I asked how long he had thought that he couldn't see himself with me and he said a whole. I told him I felt betrayed because he had told me really intense things about his life and I didn't understand why he would bring someone so close to himself if he didn't want them. I think it was a selfish move, but I accepted his decision.
    Since then he text me saying he loves me, he misses me so much and that he 'made the choice but it wasn't what he wanted' when I told him that I didn't choose to break up. Obviously I'm still in love with him and want to be with him.

    I'm so confused. Would this work out? We haven't texted for 5 days now. Can anyone help?
  2. Fresh Newbie
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    #2

    Marine BF breaks up when he is stationed

    Hi there,

    I was dating a Marine for almost 4 months and in that time we moved very quickly. I am here from overseas and never thought about a military man as someone I would date as it's not as big a thing back home. Over that time we lived 45 minutes away so would spend a lot of time in hotels, going on dates and texting when we weren't together. He had to be in the field lots so I knew what it was like not hearing from him.

    He graduated infantry officers course a few weeks ago and is now off before being stationed in 29 palms. We had talked and for my job I could relocate somewhere close at the beginning of August. He told me yes, do it so I started the steps. Then he went away there for 3 weeks, came back a little different. I told him he needed to let me know what was up but that I wanted to celebrate grad with him regardless of what he wanted.

    When he graduated he told me he didn't want to be together as it would be long distance for a little bit but mainly he didn't want me to move because of him not seeing himself being able to have a relationship or being able to see me. He told me he loved me so much and then the next day before he left I asked why he really was dumping me. Because all his reasons had nothing to do with me and just were situational and he said a lot of confusing things, I had to pry it out of him that he hadn't known me long enough to know if he could see us together. I asked how long he had thought that he couldn't see himself with me and he said a whole. I told him I felt betrayed because he had told me really intense things about his life and I didn't understand why he would bring someone so close to himself if he didn't want them. I think it was a selfish move, but I accepted his decision.
    Since then he text me saying he loves me, he misses me so much and that he 'made the choice but it wasn't what he wanted' when I told him that I didn't choose to break up. Obviously I'm still in love with him and want to be with him.

    I'm so confused. Would this work out? We haven't texted for 5 days now. Can anyone help?
  3. Account Closed
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    #3
    Welcome to MSOS. Please start a Newbie thread here: Newbies so we can get to know you better.

    We ask that you please not start multiple threads that are identical.

    Please also read this thread: Everything A Newbie Needs To Know!!!. It has valuable information for Newbies about our community.
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    #4
    Hi, yes I can't figure out how to delete it from the first as it was under a wrong link and the second one is under 'love shack' so I wanted it under that instead of what the first one is under. I'm trying to figure how to delete it.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by NZOWN View Post
    Hi, yes I can't figure out how to delete it from the first as it was under a wrong link and the second one is under 'love shack' so I wanted it under that instead of what the first one is under. I'm trying to figure how to delete it.
    You don't need to (and, for that matter, you can't) delete a thread - in this case Lynn has already merged the two threads for you.
  6. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
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    #6
    None of us can tell you whether or not the relationship will work or last.

    My advice.. live your life as you want to live it. If he wants to be in it, then he will be in it. But, don't focus or live your life around him or the idea of him. If you want to move there, move there.. if you don't.. don't. He knows how to reach you, if he wants to take it further and be in the relationship he will contact you.

    There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't
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    #7
    A man has told you he can live without you and doesn't want to be with you. Why would you want to be with someone who sees you as replaceable and disposable? Move one and spend your efforts being happy with yourself, and maybe finding a man who can't imagine his world without you in it, rather than someone who is perfectly willing to give you up.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by NZOWN View Post
    Hi there,

    I was dating a Marine for almost 4 months and in that time we moved very quickly. I am here from overseas and never thought about a military man as someone I would date as it's not as big a thing back home. Over that time we lived 45 minutes away so would spend a lot of time in hotels, going on dates and texting when we weren't together. He had to be in the field lots so I knew what it was like not hearing from him.

    He graduated infantry officers course a few weeks ago and is now off before being stationed in 29 palms. We had talked and for my job I could relocate somewhere close at the beginning of August. He told me yes, do it so I started the steps. Then he went away there for 3 weeks, came back a little different. I told him he needed to let me know what was up but that I wanted to celebrate grad with him regardless of what he wanted.

    When he graduated he told me he didn't want to be together as it would be long distance for a little bit but mainly he didn't want me to move because of him not seeing himself being able to have a relationship or being able to see me. He told me he loved me so much and then the next day before he left I asked why he really was dumping me. Because all his reasons had nothing to do with me and just were situational and he said a lot of confusing things, I had to pry it out of him that he hadn't known me long enough to know if he could see us together. I asked how long he had thought that he couldn't see himself with me and he said a whole. I told him I felt betrayed because he had told me really intense things about his life and I didn't understand why he would bring someone so close to himself if he didn't want them. I think it was a selfish move, but I accepted his decision.
    Since then he text me saying he loves me, he misses me so much and that he 'made the choice but it wasn't what he wanted' when I told him that I didn't choose to break up. Obviously I'm still in love with him and want to be with him.

    I'm so confused. Would this work out? We haven't texted for 5 days now. Can anyone help?
    No. Why? Because he doesn't want to be with you. Otherwise, he would adapt to either a long-distance relationship or to you moving with him. I also think it's selfish of him to keep texting you that he loves you, because if he did, he would be with you.

    Also, speaking from experience it is a HUGE adjustment going from a few months of dating to California long-distance. I was in the exact same position a few years ago. I met my then-DB while he was IOC in Quantico and I was interning in DC. We hit it off quickly, and decided to keep our summer-flight going. Looking back, it would have been best to part ways in the fall. I'm not saying it can't work, but for us, the distance, combined with the cost (cross-country flights aren't cheap) as well as him adjusting to being a platoon leader was just too much.

    I would take his words seriously, and start moving on.
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    #9
    Thanks for your advice I really appreciate your views. It was almost the same situation CDNTrish. I think the fact he is saying he doesn't want the distance and doesn't know how it will be there and that he loves me gives me hope that maybe one day it would work out in a different time/location. But also realize that it is most likely false hope. The things he has said are quite contradictory, a part from this he seemed to be all I wanted. He is still in his mid twenties so I can understand him not wanting an intense commitment after only 4 months but I only wanted to date and see where it went, no pressure. But like you said it seems he just doesn't want to be with me enough I guess. Thanks again for your advice it's interesting coming from neutral views.
  10. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by NZOWN View Post
    Thanks for your advice I really appreciate your views. It was almost the same situation CDNTrisj. I think the fact he is saying he doesn't want the distance and doesn't know how it will be there and that he loves me gives me hope that maybe one day it would work out in a different time/location. But also realize that it is most likely false hope. The things he has said are quite contradictory, a part from this he seemed to be all I wanted. He is still in his mid twenties so I can understand him not wanting an intense commitment after only 4 months but I only wanted to date and see where it went, no pressure. But like you said it seems he just doesn't want to be with me enough I guess. Thanks again for your advice it's interesting coming from neutral views.
    He's trying to be nice while breaking up with you. One day you'll find a guy that will love you despite distance/time apart and want the commitment but he's not that guy.
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