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Thread: Another Chance...

  1. Senior Member
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    #1

    Another Chance...

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    Sunday I thought that my relationship was over. I was a wreck. But he called me the next day and told me he was sorry and he wanted to fix things. I feel ridiculous for even posting about it ending but I really thought I would never be able to fix things and that it was really over.

    Even after he called me I have still been in a funk all week. Even after getting the job I was wanting my spirits were low. It has been such a weird week. I am not sure if I am reacting to him the right way. I want to fix things and make them work but I don't want him to think that he can just leave and end things with me because he is mad and then call me the next day asking to fix things and I will come running back to him. I have already told him that this is not ok and I need to know what made him so mad.

    Basically I am not showing signs of being able to handle when he leaves in a couple months. He will be gone for a few years and I have agreed to stay with him and be with him because I love him and think it's more than worth it. But to me that means I want every free moment with him. To him that is too much.

    I have taken some time to realize I am acting too needy and I need to give him more space, even if our time is limited. I just don't know if I am doing the right thing. My friends and family keep telling me they think I am silly for waiting the few years for him to come back. They continuously remind me that they think I won't be able to handle it. I think it will be different once he leaves. And maybe I am wrong but if I truly truly love him so much shouldn't I at least give it a chance. Shouldn't I try to fix things now and see if we can make it through his time away.

    ugh I really don't know the point in this post. I just want to make sure I am doing this right. Than I am not a horrible military gf. And that I am not letting him off the hook so easily by admitting that I have a lot of things I need to work on as well.

    Sorry I guess this is just a ramble to get my thoughts out there.
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by C8lynSarah View Post
    Sunday I thought that my relationship was over. I was a wreck. But he called me the next day and told me he was sorry and he wanted to fix things. I feel ridiculous for even posting about it ending but I really thought I would never be able to fix things and that it was really over.

    Even after he called me I have still been in a funk all week. Even after getting the job I was wanting my spirits were low. It has been such a weird week. I am not sure if I am reacting to him the right way. I want to fix things and make them work but I don't want him to think that he can just leave and end things with me because he is mad and then call me the next day asking to fix things and I will come running back to him. I have already told him that this is not ok and I need to know what made him so mad.

    Basically I am not showing signs of being able to handle when he leaves in a couple months. He will be gone for a few years and I have agreed to stay with him and be with him because I love him and think it's more than worth it. But to me that means I want every free moment with him. To him that is too much.

    I have taken some time to realize I am acting too needy and I need to give him more space, even if our time is limited. I just don't know if I am doing the right thing. My friends and family keep telling me they think I am silly for waiting the few years for him to come back. They continuously remind me that they think I won't be able to handle it. I think it will be different once he leaves. And maybe I am wrong but if I truly truly love him so much shouldn't I at least give it a chance. Shouldn't I try to fix things now and see if we can make it through his time away.

    ugh I really don't know the point in this post. I just want to make sure I am doing this right. Than I am not a horrible military gf. And that I am not letting him off the hook so easily by admitting that I have a lot of things I need to work on as well.

    Sorry I guess this is just a ramble to get my thoughts out there.
    So, he is PCSing? (you say he'll be gone for "a few years") - is he going OCONUS or?
    As to whether this is right or wrong or what you should or shouldn't do - that is something you have to decide. You know what caused the initial breakup and whether or not that is something you are able to move past - and you have to decide whether whatever reason(s) he had to end things have been resolved and whether you feel that has changed at this point. What anyone here - or among your friends and family says is unimportant....you have to decide how much you can afford to invest.
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    #3
    What does concern me, having read the other thread and now this one, is that you seem determined to take on sole responsibility for everything in this relationship - when it ended you were focused on what you did wrong - now that you are repairing things your post is all about what YOU need to do to be a good girlfriend, that you should try to fix things -- from what you said it seems he still hasn't even really told you why he ended it in the first place (your reference to you need to know what made him so mad) -
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    #4
    IDK what the correct term is for it but he is going to school for Marine Security Guard and then he will leave and be gone for a couple years. As far as why he ended it he said he was concerned about me and how I would handle him being gone. Because right now I want to spend so much time with him and he just wants some time to himself. I don't feel like it's all my fault but I do feel like maybe there are some things I can improve on my end. I am just nervous if I give this another chance he will do this to me again if I don't let him know in the right way that it is unacceptable.
  5. my kitchen is for dancing
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    #5
    Well if he is not going overseas he will for sure have some time off where you guys could meet if he is still in the same country.. I know it will be not as often but it is possible..
    I also think we all need time for ourselves that is a fact. We can not spend every second with our partner. So you need to understand that it is not wrong when he wants some time on his own.. I do understand that you think time is limited but being to clingy can also push him away..

    If you love him you should give it a try at least you can say at the end I tried and know it didnt worked out or glad I did tried.. But I think before he leaves, you guys should sit down and talk about your feelings, wants and needs and so about his.
  6. I miss Target & Trader Joe's, open roads & the smell of home
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    #6
    Hmmmm.... I think MSG is really tough to do while in a relationship, which is why they can't be married or have children. Three years overseas in three different locations is a long time. Do you think maybe part of it is he wants "freedom" while he's off exploring new places?
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by be: pistachio View Post
    Hmmmm.... I think MSG is really tough to do while in a relationship, which is why they can't be married or have children. Three years overseas in three different locations is a long time. Do you think maybe part of it is he wants "freedom" while he's off exploring new places?
    they do go overseas to 3 different locations? wow i dont know much about MSG sorry for asking
  8. I miss Target & Trader Joe's, open roads & the smell of home
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by NoraAnna View Post
    they do go overseas to 3 different locations? wow i dont know much about MSG sorry for asking
    Yeah for the ones who stand guard, and they are ranked up to E-5. It's 3 years and 3 different embassies. They get a little time off, but most spend it traveling since they are already overseas.

    Detachment commanders (E-6 to E-8) can bring their families (if they aren't too big, which will disqualify the DetCmdr), and it's 2 embassies for 18 months each.

    Don't worry. Most people don't know much about it! I do, because DH is E-7 and we've considered MSG
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    #9
    I am kind of in the same boat with Mare. I even see the reason for the break up is YOU are wanting too much time. YES its good to see and want to work on your issues, etc. But YOU working on a relationship isn't going to fix it.

    MSG can be hard during a relationship but that's not the only thing. People make it work. Both partners need to make efforts.

    It is important that you learn that 24/7 constant time together is probably not the most healthy attitude. Focusing on you, your school, your job, your hobbies will not only make you a stronger better person for you but for the couple.

    I kinda of feel like he's just looking for an easy out, maybe because he isn't sure enough in his abilities to be in such a hard relationship. At this point a serious sit down talk is probably a good idea to figure out how commuted he is to you and you to him.

    Just my opinion Best of luck.
  10. my kitchen is for dancing
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by be: pistachio View Post
    Yeah for the ones who stand guard, and they are ranked up to E-5. It's 3 years and 3 different embassies. They get a little time off, but most spend it traveling since they are already overseas.

    Detachment commanders (E-6 to E-8) can bring their families (if they aren't too big, which will disqualify the DetCmdr), and it's 2 embassies for 18 months each.

    Don't worry. Most people don't know much about it! I do, because DH is E-7 and we've considered MSG
    Thank you I learned something new.
    That is very hard. I think every 18month is already a lot of moving. (Im tired of moving lol)

    OP I hope you figure out what is the best for you. good luck
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