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Thread: how do you know if moving with him is the right thing?

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    #1

    how do you know if moving with him is the right thing?

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    Hi everyone,

    I have been seeing my bf for 1.5 years now. Everything for the most part is going well. We have discussed that probably this year at some point, he will be getting posted, and most likely that will be across the country (Canada). He has asked me to go with him.

    For those that have moved with your bf's...how did you know you were doing the right thing? From day to day, my feelings on moving change when I think about it. I go from yes, it would be something new and an adventure, to I don't know if I want to leave my family and my job. I really like my bf, but I wouldn't say I am CRAZY about him. That being said, I am the type of person that will never feel really crazy over someone as I am quite independent and do not mind being alone (meaning I am not the type to NEED to be with a guy), so I don't think that should have much baring on our relationship.

    We have had our bumps like anyone else, but for the most part he treats me well and I can tell he cares about me. We hang out all the time, we communicate well, we can be ourselves around each other. When he is gone for training he calls when he says he will and he texts when he can and makes an honest effort to keep in contact. The one time I saw on his computer history he had visited a dating site (just one dating site and just once) he told me that it was a mistake and that he only went on to see a message someone had sent him (his email automatically opens the link up when he clicks on it) and that it wasn't right and he promises he won't do it again. I asked him to please not promise that because Id rather him just tell me about it than to hide it and he said he doesn't want to go on the site again. So all in all, things are good and I am treated well.

    I hate that I feel so indecisive about this and about him. I sometimes feel like I am not sure if what I feel about it all is because of HIM, or if it is just how I am always going to be. I feel at this point that this is just the type of person I am and that I need to trust in myself and him.

    I probably would never be sure of my decision until I actually moved, but was there a point where you knew for sure you'd follow him anywhere?
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    I don't think you do know until you do it, and it works out.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Vodka View Post
    Hi everyone,

    I have been seeing my bf for 1.5 years now. Everything for the most part is going well. We have discussed that probably this year at some point, he will be getting posted, and most likely that will be across the country (Canada). He has asked me to go with him.

    For those that have moved with your bf's...how did you know you were doing the right thing? From day to day, my feelings on moving change when I think about it. I go from yes, it would be something new and an adventure, to I don't know if I want to leave my family and my job. I really like my bf, but I wouldn't say I am CRAZY about him. That being said, I am the type of person that will never feel really crazy over someone as I am quite independent and do not mind being alone (meaning I am not the type to NEED to be with a guy), so I don't think that should have much baring on our relationship.

    We have had our bumps like anyone else, but for the most part he treats me well and I can tell he cares about me. We hang out all the time, we communicate well, we can be ourselves around each other. When he is gone for training he calls when he says he will and he texts when he can and makes an honest effort to keep in contact. The one time I saw on his computer history he had visited a dating site (just one dating site and just once) he told me that it was a mistake and that he only went on to see a message someone had sent him (his email automatically opens the link up when he clicks on it) and that it wasn't right and he promises he won't do it again. I asked him to please not promise that because Id rather him just tell me about it than to hide it and he said he doesn't want to go on the site again. So all in all, things are good and I am treated well.

    I probably would never be sure of my decision until I actually moved, but was there a point where you knew for sure you'd follow him anywhere?
    Are you considering a move as a girlfriend - or would a move come with an engagement/marriage? Do you have children that you need to consider? Are you in a field that would allow you to secure employment that would enable you to support yourself outside of his income in whatever location he may wind up in?

    As to the bolded , I don't see what being independent has to do with whether or not you are "crazy about" your significant other. One can be deeply, madly in love with someone and still be an independent person. I don't think I'd be in any rush to uproot my entire life over someone I just "really liked"
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    I have no children and have no desire to get married or have children. I believe my job would be easily found elsewhere, depending on which posting he gets, of course.

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    #5
    First of all, it sounds like he is lying about the dating site.

    Second, it seems like you don't care either way. If you are moving just to move and do something different, that's cool but I wouldn't move with a guy to do that.


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    Why do you think he is lying about the dating site?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ol' Grey Mare View Post
    I don't think I'd be in any rush to uproot my entire life over someone I just "really liked"
    Honestly, this. I am independent too, yet I am absolutely crazy, madly, deeply in love with my DB and I want to be with him. I want to wake up next to him, I want to go to sleep with him, I want to eat dinner with him every night, and do small "normal" boring things with him. That's why I am looking for a job near him so I can move with him this summer. I miss him every day when we are not together, even though we see each other every weekend.

    The way you talk about your SO, how you "only like him" honestly sounds more like a friendship to me, than a relationship where I would want to take the next step and move in with him.
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    #8
    Also, do you live in the same town now? How about you do a "trial move in" now, while you are still located where you are now, and see what happens, instead of waiting until he moves across the country and you move with him and realize it was a mistake? All I can say is that if I were feeling the way you describe, I would not be moving with someone across the country.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Vodka View Post
    Why do you think he is lying about the dating site?
    He went to a dating site because a friend sent him a message? And then said sorry he won't do it again... What won't he do again? Click a link his friend sends him? You don't just accidentally click on a dating site. But I don't think any of this is an issue either way.


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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsjennyy View Post
    He went to a dating site because a friend sent him a message? And then said sorry he won't do it again... What won't he do again? Click a link his friend sends him? You don't just accidentally click on a dating site. But I don't think any of this is an issue either way.
    Could be a friend saying "OMG check out this chick's profile" and sent him the link. My one single friend texts me links to profiles all the time so I can check out the newest guy she's talking to
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