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Thread: My bf is acting distant.

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    #1

    My bf is acting distant.

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    I don't know what happened, but all of a sudden he's acting distant and not warm anymore. It started out Sunday and he had told me he's been irritated lately and that work is affecting his mood. He reassures me that it's nothing, don't worry, etc. That he still likes me a lot and that he's still excited to see me. He's driving 6 1/2 hours to see me.
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    #2
    It sounds like everything is alright between you two. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, sometimes work/other outside circumstances can put a damper on your general mood. As long as he isn't lashing out at you because of it, I wouldn't worry too much unless it goes on for a prolonged period of time
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    #3
    He's not lashing out at me at all. He's just acting really cold I don't why and truth be told it's bothering me A LOT where I cried three times. I know pathetic, but he acted cold out of the blue.

    Is your SO like this too?
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by MidnightBlu View Post
    He's not lashing out at me at all. He's just acting really cold I don't why and truth be told it's bothering me A LOT where I cried three times. I know pathetic, but he acted cold out of the blue.

    Is your SO like this too?
    I'm sorry you're having a hard time. My DH doesn't get cold, he just gets grumpy, like he doesn't want to chit chat about our usual topics or do the things he normally enjoys. Often times he doesn't realize he's doing it, and I have to ask him what's going on. Usually it all ends up being something that is bothering him at work that his mind is chewing on, causing him to seem uninterested in regular things because he's busy thinking. Once he explains it to me, he usually feels better. It sounds like your SO is at least communicating to you enough to reassure you and let you know (even if vaguely) what is going on to make him act differently. I would let him know that you would love to listen if he feels like talking/venting. If he does open up about it, I'd ask if he wants problem solving or just for you to listen (because those are two very different things and often a person only wants one or the other).
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    #5
    Thanks he's seeing me tonight. My bf acts like that too. He's seeing me tonight and my plan is to be really nice and cuddle with him, make him feel comfortable and ask what is bothering him. Should I tell him this is bothering me too? I want to word it without sounding clingy or scaring him off.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by MidnightBlu View Post
    Thanks he's seeing me tonight. My bf acts like that too. He's seeing me tonight and my plan is to be really nice and cuddle with him, make him feel comfortable and ask what is bothering him. Should I tell him this is bothering me too? I want to word it without sounding clingy or scaring him off.
    Personally, I think it's always good to let your SO know how're your feeling about things. My approach to that differs depending on the situation. If I felt like he was having a hard time and needed comfort (versus if I felt like he was really neglecting my feelings and needed to step up), I would probably just say "I've really missed you the last week since you've been more distant mentally/emotionally" (However you want to phrase it Dh and I are know by tone the difference between "I miss you" like he's away and I just miss him being home, versus "I miss you" like hey, you've been different/emotionally distant and I miss the normal you).
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    #7
    Okay thanks. It could be work or stuff, but I'm just scared that he's thinking of breaking up with me even though he said no and why. I just hope he's not like this for a long time. I'm scared he's like this for a long time.

    It was crappy over Skype. We did it on New Years Eve and he barely talked and he didn't mention me when I asked what he's excited for. He did ask what my New Years resolutions were though, but I didn't mention him because I was grumpy and didn't want to sound clingy. He also didn't say Happy New Year to me either. He's been like this for a week now, sigh.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by MidnightBlu View Post
    Okay thanks. It could be work or stuff, but I'm just scared that he's thinking of breaking up with me even though he said no and why. I just hope he's not like this for a long time. I'm scared he's like this for a long time.

    It was crappy over Skype. We did it on New Years Eve and he barely talked and he didn't mention me when I asked what he's excited for. He did ask what my New Years resolutions were though, but I didn't mention him because I was grumpy and didn't want to sound clingy. He also didn't say Happy New Year to me either. He's been like this for a week now, sigh.
    How long have you been dating? I wouldn't sweat the small stuff like saying happy new year, I don't think DH or I said it to each other He was asleep at midnight, and I went to bed about ten minutes later.

    If he continues to act like this during/beyond his visit, then I'd definitely call him on it. Being out of whack for a day or two is normal and alright, but it shouldn't be a long term thing and if it is I'd want to be open and talking about it and brainstorming solutions.
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    #9
    About a month. Also, he talked about marriage and getting engaged during his moody week. He wanted to ask his base if he can get engaged or married living together right before he PCS since he got his orders already before we dated.
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    #10
    You've only been dating a month and talking about getting married already? Your relationship is still new and he's already acting distant. It may be due to work, it may not be, however I would work on your communication a lot before you even consider marriage. I don't always have my "A game" but I always tell my DB "listen I kinda had a rough day today, nothing to do with you, but I don't feel like talking much today" so he never thinks I'm acting weird because of him.
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