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Thread: Chickened Out...who do u think should say it 1st?

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    nicole0711's Avatar
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    Chickened Out...who do u think should say it 1st?

    I was in bed with DB, I had half woken up at 5 am rolled over to snuggle with him and whispered I love you. It just came out and he should have been asleep at 5 am. He replied with "what hun" I pretended to be asleep still. So I totally chickened out! He's said it jokingly before like " I only tease u because I love u". No official declarations of love but we both show our love for each other all the time, he even recently gave me a key. So I'm pretty sure he loves me, and I know I love him. But I recently read this article in a magazine (written by a man) that encouraged women to allow the man to say those 3 magic words first. He stated that a women saying it 1st can put too much pressure on the man and sometimes a man will say it back even if he doesn't feel the same to avoid an uncomfortable situation. What are your thoughts on the matter? Does it matter who says it first?

    Personally: In our case we're both older 28 and 30 we've been dating 6 months, we are very serious. I do love him and I feel like I'm ready to tell him. I don't want to put too much pressure on him though he leaves to tech school at the end of the month and we're still navigating how to handle the long distance thing. Plus I get so nervous when I think of saying it. I have a huge fear of rejection, ahhh!
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    I don't think it matters.

    I think the whole thing about "men should X, women should do Y" is silly tbh. Neither men nor women like rejection, and a man OR a woman can feel pressured if their partner says it. I don't think gender has anything to do with it. Gender roles are silly, basically.
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    I don't think it matters who says it first. I think it is reasonable to allow the other person to take their time to say it back because the l-word is a very powerful word, and I don't think it should be taken lightly. I would rather someone be SURE that they feel it before they say it to me than they say it to me just to say it back to me. If you're nervous about it, then maybe you need to take your time, too. No need to rush anything, the word isn't going anywhere.
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    I said it first to my husband.
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    Heisenberg's Avatar
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    I don't think it matters.
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    gunsgirl's Avatar
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    I told DH I loved him first. he didn't reply.
    I asked him if it bothered him that I said it, he said no, and that he really cares about me and really likes me but he is not ready to say I love you. it took him a couple of months to say, but I didn't say it again to him until he said it to me.

    not as a game but because he didn't feel comfortable and I didn't want to push him.
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    it doesn't matter who says it first
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    For me, it's ideal if the guy says it first... Just because some guys get freaked out by those words. I feel like if he says it first, I know he means it. I guess that might not be the best way of looking at things. But I don't think it's WRONG from the girl to say it first AT ALL.

    Before we said I love you, I would tell DH things like, I'm really falling for you, or I really like you a lot. It semi-satisfies the urge and mostly gets your point across, it seems like guys pick up on what you really are trying to mean when you say that kind of stuff, lol.
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    If it's real and you're ready than you should say it. Why deny yourself the ability to express your feelings because of something someone in a magazine said? That's just general advice and if you're ready than I say go for it! I told Chris (DH) that I loved him first and he didn't run screaming for the hills!
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    It doesn't matter who says it first. If you feel it, say it.

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