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Thread: Fiance broke up with me pre deployment - is this permanent?

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Fiance broke up with me pre deployment - is this permanent?

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    Hi, I'm new to this and could do with some support/advice.
    I met my fiance November 2011, just after he got back from a tour in Afghanistan. He's based abroad, and at first I didn't think it would be anything other than fun, but everything went well and 8 months after meeting we got engaged. The past year has literally been the best of my life - we've been apart, but we made it work, and we were both very happy.
    He's going on tour again next month, and last week he told me he no longer wants to be in a relationship. He says he still loves me, and there is nobody else, just at the moment he feels that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me or anybody else.
    I'm hoping this is just an effect of the stress of going on tour. I can't stand the thought of not being with him. Am I being a complete fool, or is it possible this is a temporary feeling on his part?
  2. missing my sanity
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Londongirl View Post
    Hi, I'm new to this and could do with some support/advice.
    I met my fiance November 2011, just after he got back from a tour in Afghanistan. He's based abroad, and at first I didn't think it would be anything other than fun, but everything went well and 8 months after meeting we got engaged. The past year has literally been the best of my life - we've been apart, but we made it work, and we were both very happy.
    He's going on tour again next month, and last week he told me he no longer wants to be in a relationship. He says he still loves me, and there is nobody else, just at the moment he feels that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me or anybody else. I'm hoping this is just an effect of the stress of going on tour. I can't stand the thought of not being with him. Am I being a complete fool, or is it possible this is a temporary feeling on his part?
    If he loves you and there is nobody else....then he doesn't seem to have a real reason for ending the relationship. I smell a lie in there somewhere.

    I hope things get better for you

    .
  3. jjr
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Crazy White Girl View Post
    If he loves you and there is nobody else....then he doesn't seem to have a real reason for ending the relationship. I smell a lie in there somewhere.

    I hope things get better for you
    I agree.
  4. In vino veritas
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    #4
    It may be permanent, it may not be. Some guys do freak out before deployments and break up only to come back a day, a week, a month later. Some guys do not. But if a guy wants to be with you, he will be with you. Do not waste time waiting on a guy who may not want to be with you. You deserve more. I am so sorry you are hurting right now, though.

    Quote Originally Posted by Crazy White Girl View Post
    If he loves you and there is nobody else....then he doesn't seem to have a real reason for ending the relationship. I smell a lie in there somewhere.

    I hope things get better for you
    I disagree. Sometimes people just want to be single at that time. There doesnt need to be someone else or something. They may just wanna do their own thing.
  5. Senior Member
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    #5
    When someone breaks up with me, I listen. He is being honest and upfront about the fact that he doesn't want to be with you. And as hard as it is right now, you will find someone who doesn't leave you when things get tough.

    I would cut my loses and move on. Sorry you are hurting
  6. Senior Member
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    #6
    For me, it would be permanent, regardless of whether he changed his mind. Do you really want to marry someone who sees you as disposable, and is willing to toss you aside after asking you to marry him, no matter what his reasons? He decided he could live without you. That is not something I can accept in a man I'd marry.
    Science always wins over bullshit. ~Dick Rutkowski
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Dr.VinoVet View Post
    It may be permanent, it may not be. Some guys do freak out before deployments and break up only to come back a day, a week, a month later. Some guys do not. But if a guy wants to be with you, he will be with you. Do not waste time waiting on a guy who may not want to be with you. You deserve more. I am so sorry you are hurting right now, though.

    I disagree. Sometimes people just want to be single at that time. There doesnt need to be someone else or something. They may just wanna do their own thing.
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    For me, it would be permanent, regardless of whether he changed his mind. Do you really want to marry someone who sees you as disposable, and is willing to toss you aside after asking you to marry him, no matter what his reasons? He decided he could live without you. That is not something I can accept in a man I'd marry.
    Both of these.

    It is up to you really if it's permanent or not. He might come back, who knows.


  8. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    For me, it would be permanent, regardless of whether he changed his mind. Do you really want to marry someone who sees you as disposable, and is willing to toss you aside after asking you to marry him, no matter what his reasons? He decided he could live without you. That is not something I can accept in a man I'd marry.
    -- to add, if you do wait around and take him back if he decides to try to come back you have now set the precedent that you are okay with this sort of thing, are you?
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    #9
    Once someone shows you how valuable you are to them, that's it. He may come back, but he won't treat your relationship as any more important than he is now. To him, there will always be the option to dip out when things get tough. You need to show him that you aren't disposable like that, and won't wait around for him.
    Camster is the best wifey ever
  10. Fresh Newbie
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    #10
    Thanks everyone - it has been so helpful to read your comments and try to sort my head out. I was meant to see him tomorrow - he'd promised to spend a day with me. But now he has cancelled on me to spend the day with his dad, he wants to spend his leave with family. Which is tough, because when we got engaged I started thinking of the 2 of us as family. I feel really angry with him, but also really sad. It's like the guy I was with who always put us first has just vanished.
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