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Thread: Marriage Counseling

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    #1

    Marriage Counseling

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    Has anyone here done it? Did it work for you? If you never have do you think you ever would?

    Just curious. DH and I have a pretty solid marriage but when we get into our big fights I always wonder if marriage counseling might work for the big issues we have.
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    #2
    exDH and I did marriage counseling for a while. The help, encouragement, and advice was excellent. It really opened my eyes about a few things and gave me tools to use. Obviously, he and I didn't work out (no flaw of the counseling, we just weren't meant to be together) but I have still been able to use those things that I have learned in my current relationship. Honestly, how can it really hurt? If it something you are both open to, I think it could greatly be beneficial to you. They teach you how to communicate your issues without placing blame or making things worse, tools to help rationalize the things you are feeling or dealing with. It was a really good learning experience for me and definitely helpful.
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    #3
    We've gone a couple times. It didn't work well for us because DH, in addition to being a bit unsociable and quiet around strangers, is reeaallly not in to counseling. And while I'm okay with it, it takes two to tango, ya know? Maybe some day his attitude towards counseling will change but I'm thankful that he at least tried it.

    I've thought about going by myself specifically for my marriage.

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    #4
    I did marriage counseling with my exH before we got divorced. I guess it depends on what you mean by "does it work," did it keep us from getting divorced no, but I think it gave me the confidence and insight I needed to make the best decision for myself. Going in, I knew the marriage wasn't sustainable but I needed help sorting through all my thoughts and making a plan of action. It also pretty much opened my eyes to the fact that exH wasn't going to change and had no intentions of even trying.

    I don't think marriage counseling would hurt if ya'll are having some issues.
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    #5
    DH and I went to counseling briefly before he deployed and it made a huge difference for us. I think it gave us the skills we needed to get through the deployment and by getting through the deployment we grew much closer together, so in the end we are happier than we've ever been. I'd go back for more but DH doesn't see the need at the moment. I think counseling can be beneficial even if there aren't huge problems, it gives you new skills and ways to interact with each other. Before DH was willing/ready/wanted to go with me, I found a counselor for myself and that helped too in a different way. Finding the right match of counselor is really important though and can be why people get turned off by it.

    DH had been to counseling before with his first wife, and he felt like it was basically an hour for his wife and the counselor to tell him he was wrong (at anything/everything). So he hated the idea of going with me. The counselor we ended up with though was much more logical and often saw things more in line with him than she did with me. That helped him to be open to her suggestions, and so when she would say he needed to stop/start/improve something, he would take it to heart and listen to her, because more often than not she was telling me what I could do better. Also, she was very much into giving concrete yes/no answers and solutions to situations, whereas some counselors just listen and say "how does that make you feel?" which doesn't work for DH or I.

    Anyway, I'm super rambly about counseling, but yes, it benefitted us greatly and is definitely worth a try. If you don't like the counselor or you don't find it helpful, it *usually* doesn't hurt anything to try.
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    #6
    Never done it but if DH and I were having issues in our marriage I would be open to trying it. I have done counseling by myself before for personal issues and I feel like it really helped me. Of course I would do my research before hand and find a really good one.
    I feel like if our marriage were in trouble and that we were unable to work it out on our own that having someone there who would be open to helping us and be unbiased would help the situation and get things resolved.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by CokeIcee View Post
    exDH and I did marriage counseling for a while. The help, encouragement, and advice was excellent. It really opened my eyes about a few things and gave me tools to use. Obviously, he and I didn't work out (no flaw of the counseling, we just weren't meant to be together) but I have still been able to use those things that I have learned in my current relationship. Honestly, how can it really hurt? If it something you are both open to, I think it could greatly be beneficial to you. They teach you how to communicate your issues without placing blame or making things worse, tools to help rationalize the things you are feeling or dealing with. It was a really good learning experience for me and definitely helpful.
    I'm not married or anything even close to that, but I AM a counselor-in-training and I completely agree with the bold highlighted here. And I've gone for myself to counseling. Really, if you're both open to the idea, why not? It really can be very beneficial.

    I wish you guys luck in finding a good counseling fit!
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    #8
    We did a several years ago when we went through a rough spot. I think it worked for us, and honestly how can it hurt? It's definitely worth a try if your thinking about it.
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    #9
    We haven't started yet but we are going to. We went to a marriage retreat about 2 years ago and it really was an amazing experience for us. We needed that back then and now we want to try because with him out of the military we are adjusting and think it would be beneficial to us.
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    #10
    I think counseling is fantastic. We've been a handful of times to work out issues with his family, and then again after he came home / for reintegration. It taught us how to better communicate, how to relate and empathize, how to listen - I didn't love every moment of it, but I think overall it was an incredibly valuable experience.
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