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Thread: Trying to get with the bartender... opinions?

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    #1

    Trying to get with the bartender... opinions?

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    Ok, I need some other perspectives on my situation. I guess this probably isn't the best forum to ask, being as many of you are with military men, but I trust y'alls advice If anyone has had similar experiences, that'd help too!

    I have never, I mean NEVER tried hitting on a bartender. I've found many attractive and flirted in a friendly way, but always assumed they were nice to me because it's their job. I've been going to this popular pub on Tuesday nights with a girlfriend (and sometimes another guy, call him A) for trivia for the past 4-5 weeks. There are usually the same bartenders every week. One in particular is really good-looking, and he's been friendly with us before. Last time, my friend said she noticed him looking at me a few times.

    This past Tuesday, I got there before my friends, and he came up to me when I sat down at the bar. We chatted a little about his vacation he just got back from and he remembered what beer I liked from 2 weeks prior (not that impressive I guess, he could just be a good bartender), and recommended a new one for me to try. He asked my name and told me his (call him H). Throughout the night, he'd come back and we'd both lean in toward each other while he helped me pick my next beer. He said "yeah!" when we invited him to join our kickball team, but he has to work the nights our games are, and he seemed genuinely disappointed he couldn't play. A few times we'd stare at each other and smile for 3-4 seconds. Eventually, my friend left and it was just me and A. He was hardcore flirting, turned directly towards me the entire time; A definitely likes me (he asked for my number later). He even mentioned something about the bartenders liking me. H came and gave me my last beer and told me it was on the house. We left soon after, and now I can't stop wondering had A not been sitting with me, would H have asked me out?

    I realize a bartender's job is to be friendly, even flirty, but to ME, it seems he's interested in something. Whether that's just getting laid or more, who knows. What do y'all think? Do you subscribe to the idea that all male bartenders are players? Any experience (or friends') with dating a bartender?

    I feel stupid already for overthinking this, but I am curious to know others' opinions/feelings on trying to go after a bartender.
    Camster is the best wifey ever
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    #2
    I don't think all bartenders are players. It's true that their job is to be friendly, but if he was interested in hanging out with you outside of work too I think that's a good sign!

    I've never dated a bartender but I did date a bouncer at a club that I was a regular at and it was a fun relationship. I think you should give him a chance if you are interested!
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    #3
    Sounds legit. You could leave him your number and a little note the next time shortly before you leave
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    #4
    DH was a bartender while we were dating and I can't count the number of girls that I overheard being like "yeah he's really into me" and shit I do think that's part of being a good male bartender. BUT I definitely wouldn't rule out that he's into you. I would ask around and see if he treats other people similarly or not.
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    #5
    Ahh, let me give you the male bartender's perspective (did it for many many years).

    We flirt with everyone. Many of us become bartenders to help us get laid. But as a very wise man once told me "If you couldn't get laid without owning a bar [I was also an owner] you won't get laid with one. Same holds true for tending bar."

    He may be interested in dating, he may just be a slut. Only one way for you to find out.
    But here is the warning. If he is everything you think he is, he gets hit on by a lot of women throughout the night. If you've been drinking, you just become another bar-floozy to him.
    Go in again, when they are not busy, and tell him he should give you his number so you can call him so he can ask you out.
    And ask another bartender whether this guy is single or not. But do this first. Or look him up on facebook. See whether the bar has a facebook page.

    But, to skip all that, yes, ask him out. If he is single, and that is you in the little pic under your name, he should say yes. whats the worst that can happen?
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Miss_Saskia View Post
    Sounds legit. You could leave him your number and a little note the next time shortly before you leave
    Don't do this. Seems cheesy and bar-floozy-ish.
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMsSunshine View Post
    I think it's really funny when people come on here, and automatically assume that everyone here is a gung-ho, hoo-rah, i-bleed-red-white-and-blue, kiss-my-military-ass, people-in-uniform-can-do-no-wrong, and i'm-entitled-to-everything bitch.
    "RIP Blackie, and Whitey, New Whitey. Goodbye Poopers and Momma Beige and Lady Grey. New Blackie and the Whitey Sisters rule the roost now!"
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    #7
    I know nothing of the dating world but my mom met my dad when he was a bartender then he went on the marry her and become a naval officer
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Guynavywife View Post
    Ahh, let me give you the male bartender's perspective (did it for many many years).

    We flirt with everyone. Many of us become bartenders to help us get laid. But as a very wise man once told me "If you couldn't get laid without owning a bar [I was also an owner] you won't get laid with one. Same holds true for tending bar."

    He may be interested in dating, he may just be a slut. Only one way for you to find out.
    But here is the warning. If he is everything you think he is, he gets hit on by a lot of women throughout the night. If you've been drinking, you just become another bar-floozy to him.
    Go in again, when they are not busy, and tell him he should give you his number so you can call him so he can ask you out.

    And ask another bartender whether this guy is single or not. But do this first. Or look him up on facebook. See whether the bar has a facebook page.

    But, to skip all that, yes, ask him out. If he is single, and that is you in the little pic under your name, he should say yes. whats the worst that can happen?
    super legit advice, IMO. bartenders pretty much hate everyone in bars even if you're not drunk, you're still in that mass that is driving them nuts right then. if you think you want to actually date this guy, you need to have a "not bar time" moment.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by lorem_ipsum View Post
    super legit advice, IMO. bartenders pretty much hate everyone in bars even if you're not drunk, you're still in that mass that is driving them nuts right then. if you think you want to actually date this guy, you need to have a "not bar time" moment.
    Exactly! That's why I thought that him wanting to spend time with her outside the bar was a good sign.

    I guess another thing to think about is if you do start dating him and are the jealous type, it might be hard to know he is going to go to work and get hit on and still be friendly with other women, etc.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Guynavywife View Post
    Ahh, let me give you the male bartender's perspective (did it for many many years).

    We flirt with everyone. Many of us become bartenders to help us get laid. But as a very wise man once told me "If you couldn't get laid without owning a bar [I was also an owner] you won't get laid with one. Same holds true for tending bar."

    He may be interested in dating, he may just be a slut. Only one way for you to find out.
    But here is the warning. If he is everything you think he is, he gets hit on by a lot of women throughout the night. If you've been drinking, you just become another bar-floozy to him.
    Go in again, when they are not busy, and tell him he should give you his number so you can call him so he can ask you out.
    And ask another bartender whether this guy is single or not. But do this first. Or look him up on facebook. See whether the bar has a facebook page.

    But, to skip all that, yes, ask him out. If he is single, and that is you in the little pic under your name, he should say yes. whats the worst that can happen?
    I was hoping you'd answer! Bonus points for being a bartender.

    Sadly, that is not me. That is Marilyn Monroe.

    I am an expert stalker and found him on Facebook. I am 98% sure he is single. I've also heard that leaving my number on the receipt would be cheesy. So you really think I should tell him he should ask me out?
    Camster is the best wifey ever
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