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Thread: "the first year of marriage is the hardest"

  1. Senior Member
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    #1

    "the first year of marriage is the hardest"

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    did this common adage ring true for you? People always seem to say that the first year of marriage is the hardest. Mostly because you are getting used to living with eachother, being eachother's near 24/7 support... etc. Most stereotypical scenarios you hear of are that there are arguments over cleaning "he leaves his dirty laundry everywhere!" or she feels that he isn't sensitive enough... i'm sure you know the list. You're learning how to "be married." So was this your experience?

    For me, it actually wasn't! The first year of marriage was a breeze... the first couple years actually. And usually this transition is easier for people who were already living together prior to marriage (no "surprises") but that actually wasn't true for us, we were completely long distance for over a year before getting married and living together! I don't know, maybe it was a fluke or what, but it was not difficult at all the first year of marriage. And we really were/are completely different people... and yet I think we just were so happy to be with eachother permanently that we went especially above and beyond to do things the other appreciated and be there for them etc... it was very carefree and easy!

    and not that that has changed drastically or anything (but maybe a little?) but I would say that the hardest years of our marriage have been the last couple of years! since moving here his new unit and schedule has put quite a strain on us. Him being away A LOT, always exhausted, stressed... it has created some inevitable disconnect that has been difficult to navigate. It's been the most challenging transition of our marriage yet! Now he's deployed again and the cycle just never ends. He's been away more than he's been home! But I guess we had our "difficult year" coming for us, it just didn't happen that first year of marriage!

    So what about you? Was the first year of marriage extremely difficult like "they" always say?
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    #2
    I disagree. Every year can be the hardest.
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
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  3. who will drive my soul?
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    #3
    I think it was difficult for the aforemention reasons, and I moved in with him in Washington from CA.

    Last year was out hardest year, though. Thankfully we're through it and in a better spot than we have ever been
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    #4
    Our first year was a challenge, but I don't know that it was the hardest year of our marriage. We were blending a family, DH was adjusting to being a step-parent/DD was adjusting to having him our lives, we PCSd from OR to NC, DS was born, I had gone from working full-time to being a SAHM, we went through our first deployment as a couple/family (during which, 9/11 happened so the deployment changed gears big time) - there were a lot of changes that just by themselves would be challenging, rolled up into one big ball it was a year where we definitely had our moments.
    All that being said, we have had some times that were much more trying since.
  5. BingBangBoom that's how babies are made
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    #5
    Not at all. The first year was the easiest. But like the all-knowing Asher said, every year can be the hardest.

    "Thank you so much. No matter what, nothing is possible without you behind the scenes bustin heads and takin names. Thank you again. Everything you have done for me means a lot and nothing has gone unnoticed. I love you so much and thank you for saying 'I do.'"
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    #6
    I'm in my first year of marriage and it is more difficult than the years we were dating/ living together by a long shot!
    We have had a really terrible time to be honest (I'm sure compounded by the fact he has PTSD after his deployment a year and a half ago)
    So I can't really imagine any year being harder than this one is/ has been
    Mommy since 2009
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    #7
    DH and I hit three years on Tuesday and I think so far it's been a breeze for the most part. We've had our share of difficult days but at this point in our marriage I would consider DH and I to have had a very easy 3 years.
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    #8
    We haven't finished our first year yet, we lived together for a couple of years before we got married and we'd already combined finances and such. I will say though that when we got married there was a shift (imperceptible to anyone but DH and I) and it's been an adjustment. I wouldn't say it's been hard but I think we've challenged each other more in this year and when you combine the marriage on top of the stuff we've been going through with the custody of DH's daughter it's been stressful. I can't say that it's been anything but good for us and I think we've gotten closer over the the last 7-8 months.

    I don't know how much this really counts though because, like I said, we haven't finished our first year yet.


  9. One does not simply Ewok into Endor
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    #9
    The first year wasn't extremely difficult but it did have it's own personal challenges that I'm not going to get in to. He also deployed within our first year... so there was dealing with that as well. After he got back home, things were amazing and we've grown stronger since. Our 4 year wedding anniversary is in July. :D

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  10. Account Closed
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    #10
    Ours wasn't, none of our years have been "hard" but I think that we're very atypical and our marriage isn't "hard".
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