Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Page 1 of 12 123411 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 120

Thread: "Shacking up"

  1. Super Speshil
    SoulCupcake's Avatar
    SoulCupcake is offline
    Super Speshil
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    The point of no return. Is that a duty station?
    Posts
    9,882
    #1

    Question "Shacking up"

    Advertisements
    This is what my religiously-minded father calls cohabiting. We recently had a conversation surrounding it where he advised against it. I was well aware of his thoughts and position on it since it hasn't changed since, well, he's been a conservative evangelical/fundamentalist Christian. His position is based solely on his religious convictions. His thinking is, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

    What are your thoughts on it? Did you cohabitate? There's the long held belief that doing so often leads to divorce; however, more recent studies do not show a higher divorce rate for couples that choose to live together before marriage.

    My ex and I didn't move in together until days before we got married. DF and I are moving in together (along with our kids) very soon. It just makes the most sense for us. It isn't a "trial run" as we're getting married next summer.
    Pax, Aeon
  2. MilitarySOS Jewel
    HisCrazyGirl's Avatar
    HisCrazyGirl is offline
    MilitarySOS Jewel
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    6,641

    #2
    DH and I didn't but we would have for 4-6 months before getting married if circumstances had been different. I think living together before marriage is a huge plus and holds a lot of benefits.
  3. be silly. be honest. be kind.
    Jenni Penni's Avatar
    Jenni Penni is offline
    be silly. be honest. be kind.
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    10,484
    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by SoulCupcake View Post
    This is what my religiously-minded father calls cohabiting. We recently had a conversation surrounding it where he advised against it. I was well aware of his thoughts and position on it since it hasn't changed since, well, he's been a conservative evangelical/fundamentalist Christian. His position is based solely on his religious convictions. His thinking is, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

    What are your thoughts on it? Did you cohabitate? There's the long held belief that doing so often leads to divorce; however, more recent studies do not show a higher divorce rate for couples that choose to live together before marriage.

    My ex and I didn't move in together until days before we got married. DF and I are moving in together (along with our kids) very soon. It just makes the most sense for us. It isn't a "trial run" as we're getting married next summer.
    That line of thinking just kind of makes me sad. To me, it very much attempts to lessen what can be a romantic and very healthy development in a relationship.

    You could say that DH and I cohabitated. We spent much of his pre-deployment leave and all of his R&R in each other's company 24/7. Then when he came home, we legally wed and lived together for a few months until our wedding ceremony.

    I see absolutely nothing wrong with it when done in a health way, i.e. being financially responsible with realistic expectations of each other's role in the household.
    And I'm quite religious (though I hate the negative connotation that can be associated with that term).

    "The purpose of life is not to simply be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well."
    - Ralph Waldo Emerson

  4. Account Closed
    His*PITA*'s Avatar
    His*PITA* is offline
    Account Closed
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Somewhere over a rainbow
    Posts
    69,415
    #4
    I don't think I could ever marry someone I had not lived with before....

    For some people experiencing all those "firsts" after they say "i do" is wonderful and a bonding experience and more power to them. For me, the first year of marriage can already be tough and I didn't want any extra surprises. Plus, I think you learn more about a person when you lived with them and if I am going into this for forever, I wanna know everything I can about them and go into this knowing exactly what I was getting myself into (as much as I can anyway).
  5. Senior Member
    AG815's Avatar
    AG815 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    1,259
    #5
    I lived with my husband before we married and it was great for us. I completely understand if some people choose not to live together due to their beliefs though. It just helped us to get to know each other better and it meant that after we were married there wasn't some big shock when we moved in together. We knew going in that we were pretty compatible. I didn't want to get married without living with him first.
  6. Proud Army Wife :)
    ka01523's Avatar
    ka01523 is offline
    Proud Army Wife :)
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Me: Fort Benning, Ga
    Posts
    218
    #6
    I lived with my now DH since we started dating almost. We met in college, so I was either at his apartment or he was at my dorm when we weren't in class. It was a 'love at first sight' thing, so we did kind of jump in. We spent all of our time together until he left for basic/AIT in January before our second semester. When he came back in June, we officially moved in together and we have lived together ever since. I think cohabitating is a natural thing even before you get married. I think we learned a lot about each other and learned how to work through things together from day one. I couldn't imagine our relationship going any other way.

    And we obviously got married... so he bought the cow!
  7. scotlandgrl53
    eelizah's Avatar
    eelizah is offline
    scotlandgrl53
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Fort Polk
    Posts
    4,258
    Blog Entries
    1
    #7
    We didn't but that was more just how our situation ended up being, not really a particular choice. We didnt live with each other until four months after we were married either lol. My brother and his gf live together, have for years. I dont see anything wrong with it.
  8. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
    TrishAFSpouse's Avatar
    TrishAFSpouse is offline
    "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    12,308
    #8
    For me, we did not live together before marriage. I'm not sure what my stance is. Deep down I am 'against' it, but then because I had sex before marriage (even though it was only with my husband) I would be hypocrital in that logic. Living together implies and 'shows' that a couple is having sex and such, whereas not living together you can 'hide' it. I honestly do not know.

    My thoughts are that one should not have sex unless it is with the person they are going to married or are married to. I firmly am against having sex just to have sex. I would feel really uncomfortable if my sons and their gf/fiance were living together, IDK, I really can't explain it. And that could change once I get to that point with my kids, but right now its how I feel.

    There are 10 types of people in the world, those that understand binary and those that don't
  9. 1/2 hippie, 1/2 diva... all Jersey
    sweetvanity's Avatar
    sweetvanity is offline
    1/2 hippie, 1/2 diva... all Jersey
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    9,370
    #9
    I lived with my husband for about a year before we got married. Clearly things are going well for us.

    I think if you go in with the intention of doing a "trial run" or "testing the waters" (or some other phrase that conveys nonpermanence), then the allure of the escape hatch when things get too tough could undermine the relationship.

    That being said, I think DH and I fell into the "marriage committment" category that this article refers to when discussing pre-marriage living. If you go in with the idea that you are starting a life together "NOW" (not after vows), but right now from day one and that the rest of what unfolds (including a marriage) is just part of the journey that you both have agreed to spend together... I don't think your father's sentiments apply. In this sense, marriage isn't the act that "buys the cow". Living together is "buying the cow" (or buying each other's cow).

    www.SnarkyFit.com
  10. Account Closed
    GingerGirl15's Avatar
    GingerGirl15 is offline
    Account Closed
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    MD
    Posts
    3,410
    #10
    I see nothing wrong with it and think that it can be a good thing. You get to know someone on a very different level when living with them. I don't think it is necessary before marriage by any means, but it is definitely something I want to do. However, for me, it is only something I would do with the intention of marrying this person somewhere (not too far) down the line. I wouldn't move in with a partner if there was no definite commitment in the future (whether that be marriage, life partnership kind of thing, etc). With that being said, I respect and understand people's decisions to live/ not to live with a SO before marriage. Once they do not force their views on me, I'm good.

    DB and I had talked about moving in together before he joined the Navy. So if he wasn't in the Navy we would have probably moved in together around the time I went to grad school. We still hope to do it as soon as we're in the same place and he makes rank but that may end up being around the time we get married anyway.
Page 1 of 12 123411 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •