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Thread: Dating a new guy...Advice/Experiences

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    #1

    Dating a new guy...Advice/Experiences

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    I went on a date 2 weeks ago with a guy I met online. We instantly hit it off and couldn't stop talking to eat our meal. Since then, I've seen him 5 or 6 times. He's everything I've looked for in a guy - great job that he loves, close to his family and friends, driven to pursue his own interests, and is such a gentleman. I can tell that he would make a great boyfriend and treat his lady so well. We never run out of things to talk about and we both agree that we feel very comfortable around each other.

    The one thing I'm concerned about - I'm not intensely attracted to him. I feel awful saying it, but I don't think "wow, he's so handsome" or feel the need to jump him when I see him. I love kissing him, but I don't feel the intense "I can't pull myself from him" that I've felt with other guys in the past. I'm wondering if this is a good thing, because all the other guys I dated I either lost interest/attraction or they turned out to be total jerks. There have been some guys I've dated where I instantly became super attracted to them for their personality (I look back and think, "yeah he's not cute at all" now).

    I guess what I'm looking for is some advice and/or simliar experiences. Should I wait around and see if the attraction grows? Or maybe I'm just excited about the newness of a great guy and any attraction that is there will wear off after we become more comfortable?

    Any opinions or insights are welcome. TIA!
    Camster is the best wifey ever
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    #2
    I've started out feeling that a lot of my ex boyfriends weren't cute and then eventually thought they were the most adorable thing ever I would say like... 75% of my relationships have started this way. As long as there is something you find attractive about him. If you look at him and think "I could never let that penis touch me with a ten foot pole" then it's not worth it, but if you feel at least a little attracted to him I think it will definitely grow. It always has for me.
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    #3
    Is there a physical attraction at all? If everything else is great I wouldn't focus on it. Spark always fades to some degree or another but the mental attraction is by far the more important aspect.
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    #4
    Honestly, DF is not the guy I've been most attracted to. We met online (sounds a LOT like your beginning ) but at first, I wasn't that attracted to him. He was amazing to be around, and I loved spending time with him...but (even today) he's not the "hottest" or "most sensual" guy I've ever been attracted to...but I have a connection to him that I've never had with anybody else. I get butterflies from him in ways other than in the bedroom (if that makes sense).

    I'd give it a bit and see if it comes. Don't write him off yet...I'm glad I listened to other people's advice and stuck it out a bit before making my choice and dropping him because I was head over heels attracted to him.
    Put on your big girl panties and deal with it like a boss.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FruitPunch. View Post
    I've started out feeling that a lot of my ex boyfriends weren't cute and then eventually thought they were the most adorable thing ever I would say like... 75% of my relationships have started this way. As long as there is something you find attractive about him. If you look at him and think "I could never let that penis touch me with a ten foot pole" then it's not worth it, but if you feel at least a little attracted to him I think it will definitely grow. It always has for me.
    Yeah I don't think that. It's reassuring to hear that a lot of your relationships started this way, thanks!

    Quote Originally Posted by MightyMouse View Post
    Is there a physical attraction at all? If everything else is great I wouldn't focus on it. Spark always fades to some degree or another but the mental attraction is by far the more important aspect.
    There is some physical attraction, yes. And mentally it's there for sure. I guess I'm just worried that the physical attraction will fade away completely, as it has in the past with other guys. The difference is with the other guys, I was SUPER attracted in the beginning.
    Camster is the best wifey ever
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    Quote Originally Posted by *Luz* View Post
    Honestly, DF is not the guy I've been most attracted to. We met online (sounds a LOT like your beginning ) but at first, I wasn't that attracted to him. He was amazing to be around, and I loved spending time with him...but (even today) he's not the "hottest" or "most sensual" guy I've ever been attracted to...but I have a connection to him that I've never had with anybody else. I get butterflies from him in ways other than in the bedroom (if that makes sense).

    I'd give it a bit and see if it comes. Don't write him off yet...I'm glad I listened to other people's advice and stuck it out a bit before making my choice and dropping him because I was head over heels attracted to him.
    Awesome, thanks! I do get excited to see him, because I know we will have a great time together. I don't want to write him off for this reason anyway, because I'm thinking a different approach than what I'm used to could be good!
    Camster is the best wifey ever
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    #7
    I felt the same way about DH but I decided its probably a good thing because that kin of attraction has gotten me heartbroken. So I have DH a chance because it was balanced and he was my best friend, even though I wasn't attracted to him that much. Over time he grew on me and now I just think he's the hottest thing ever! Seriously though there's such spark and I just stare at him thinking how good looking he is. I'd stick around. I did and on top of our great foundation we also now have that attraction as well.
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    #8
    As long as you aren't repelled/repulsed by him physically I wouldn't worry about it. So much of a good, healthy relationship is about the rest of the attraction - which seems to be there for you two.
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    #9
    I didn't have the biggest physical attraction to DH when I met him, I thought he was cute but I wasn't like drooling over him. What drew me to him was his sense of humor and the connection we had almost immediately. Now I look at him and I'm like, "Oh yeah that's my man and he's sexy" Sometimes it's a combination of a lot of things that grow with the relationship. If you're not repulsed by him and you have a good connection I say give it some time and see where things go.


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    #10
    I wasn't that attracted to DF at the beginning. I thought his head was too small for his body And it's like you were explaining, I had some attraction, but I wasn't going to jump him or anything. But as I got to know him, and saw how he treated me and ithers he slowly morphed into this marble Adonis sex god. I am seriously so attracted to him now, because of all that he is. So I say give it time. I wouldn't trade in DF's sexy face for any celebrity that I could have!
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