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Thread: Cheater or Cheated: were you able to work things out or did you move on?

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    #1

    Cheater or Cheated: were you able to work things out or did you move on?

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    So I've had some discussions with a few people about infidelity and wanted to get some feedback - as it seems to happen more often than not, that most people have been in a relationship where cheating occurred.

    To those of you who have been in such a relationship - what prompted you or your partner to stray? What made you or your partner leave the relationship?

    To those of you who stayed in the relationship after this occurred - what made you stay? Is it something that is brought back during arguments, and if so, for how long is it brought up after the initial discovery? Are you able / willing to trust your partner again (or vice versa) fully or is it a struggle?

    I know each circumstance is unique, but wanted to get a general feel on others thoughts.

    Also, if a person has cheated in previous relationships (at least 2 or more relationships) would you be willing to overlook that? And if you did or would overlook it, is it something that is always in the back of your mind?

    I've been the victim of it (once) and stayed (because we had kids, 2 at the time but we weren't married so he says it wasn't cheating!) and the cheater (once - during our marriage) and stayed (again, main reason was for the kids).

    Feedback appreciated and thanks for reading!
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    #2
    He cheated because he's a cheater. He's my ex and he texted me today to tell me his girlfriend walked in on him cheating so he's single again. I stayed through one full on cheating and a few other questionable incidents but after my cousin caught him with another girl, the same one he cheated on me with before and the same one that just dumped him, I was just done, I knew he'd never be faithful.

    No I couldn't be with someone who's cheated in previous relationships because of this ex who still, 4 years later does it to EVERY girl.

    Now with my husband, when we were 17 and together two months we "took a break" and after the break I found out he kissed another girl, he cried like a baby and I knew that it was a mistake and he is not that type of guy so I made him cry and wait it out a few days and then I took him back. If it were anything more than a kiss it wouldn't have mattered if he was the cheating kind or not, mistake or not I don't put up with that anymore and I'd be gone.
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    #3
    There has been cheating in my current relationship. But, we both moved past it. As long as there is not cheating again, I think we will be okay. We stayed together because, well we love each other. We both know the cheating was a HUGE mistake, and it is deeply regretted. It also pertinently changed our relationship
    It has been two years since the cheating happened (it happened in the first year of our marriage) and it has only been brought up a time or two since the initial conversations where we were working through it. It has never been brought up in arguments, or really at all since the first week after everything was brought to light.

    If you want to talk about my circumstance any more, pm me
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    #4
    In my last relationship, my boyfriend cheated on me. I found a photo strip from the mall of him kissing another girl (little did I know it had been going on for four months). I wanted to forgive him, and I did that night. And I stayed with him (I was visiting from out of town, we were LD) for that entire week.. and when I left he dumped me for that other girl. I think he strayed partly because he was an asshole, and partly because we were LD. I kissed another man while we were LD and I did it because he was ignoring me and I was lonely I have NO idea why I wanted to forgive him. And honestly, if DH cheated on me now I'd forgive him as long as he showed he was sorry and went to counseling with me... I don't have the heart to stay mad.

    DH overlooked the fact that I cheated on my last boyfriends... I cheated on 3 of my past boyfriends, I told DH upfront about it. I would never do it now, because marriage means something to me.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Candice. View Post
    He cheated because he's a cheater. He's my ex and he texted me today to tell me his girlfriend walked in on him cheating so he's single again. I stayed through one full on cheating and a few other questionable incidents but after my cousin caught him with another girl, the same one he cheated on me with before and the same one that just dumped him, I was just done, I knew he'd never be faithful.

    No I couldn't be with someone who's cheated in previous relationships because of this ex who still, 4 years later does it to EVERY girl.

    Now with my husband, when we were 17 and together two months we "took a break" and after the break I found out he kissed another girl, he cried like a baby and I knew that it was a mistake and he is not that type of guy so I made him cry and wait it out a few days and then I took him back. If it were anything more than a kiss it wouldn't have mattered if he was the cheating kind or not, mistake or not I don't put up with that anymore and I'd be gone.
    I'm sorry, this reminded me of friends "WE WERE ON A BREAK!!"


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    #6
    As I've said in the past on here my exh cheated multiple times. I forgave. Couldn't ever forget and I never truly moved on.
    Now we're divorced. he couldn't STOP cheating.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by pftube View Post
    I'm sorry, this reminded me of friends "WE WERE ON A BREAK!!"
    I love Friends!! That line is classic!
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by pftube View Post
    I'm sorry, this reminded me of friends "WE WERE ON A BREAK!!"
    You have no idea That whole part of Ross and Rachel was us, my mom always talks about us being them
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    Quote Originally Posted by Candice. View Post
    You have no idea That whole part of Ross and Rachel was us, my mom always talks about us being them
    Did you write him a really really long letter too? Those are some of my favorite episodes. Especially when Ross pretends to cry and then yells "FINE BY ME!"

    Sorry for the thread jack OP, I'll stop now


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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by SamInCT View Post
    As I've said in the past on here my exh cheated multiple times. I forgave. Couldn't ever forget and I never truly moved on.
    Now we're divorced. he couldn't STOP cheating.
    Uggh - sorry to hear that it seems to be almost chronic with many men (women too, I'm sure - just seems to be more prevalent in men)
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