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Thread: Hiding money from your spouse???

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    #1

    Hiding money from your spouse???

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    I was just having a discussion with my 3 best friends. We were talking about careers and money and relationships. One of my friends made the comment that she wants to be able to make enough money so that she can have a secret stash that her husband would not know about in case they get divorced. One of my other friends agreed with her. Their reasoning was that you always need that money just in case the relationship doesn't work out, so their spouse wouldn't be able to get it. To me this just isn't a good way to enter into a marriage. Even if you do not want to share money/ accounts with your spouse I think having money that you hide from them just undermines the trust in the relationship. What does it say about how you view this person if you think that they will try to screw you over and take your money if the relationship doesn't work out? How can you say you're in a partnership when you're hiding something so substantial from them?

    I understand their reasoning (especially since they have seen many women get left and cheated on by the men in their lives), but I kind of feel that is just a risk you take when getting into a marriage with someone. There is always the possibility that the person turns into an ass and screws you over. You either choose to trust them or not.

    What are your thoughts on hiding money from your spouse? Have you ever done it? Would you mind if your spouse does it?
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    #2
    I would have "my money" set up but I would also encourage my DB to have the same, and I wouldn't "hide" it, but I would be the sole accountholder. The screwing someone over financially thing goes both ways.
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    #3
    I have money hidden....It's for gifts and things that I might want to buy without him knowing about it.
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    #4
    I basically share your same opinion. While I understand why some people might do it I feel that you would be entering that marriage with the wrong mindset. I mean, maybe I would have my own account that only I had access to, but my husband would definitely know that the account existed. Though personally I would not want either one of us to have an account that we both didn't have access to at all. I would hope the man I married would be reasonable like myself if we ever got a divorce and not try to take all my money, as I would not try to take all his money if worst came to worst. However, if I got screwed over, that's just part of life, especially since I make that money, I'll get back on my feet soon enough.
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    #5
    I am of the opinion that you should do what you can to protect yourself. I didn't enter my marriage expecting to get divorced and as of now I don't have any money hidden, but I see why people do it and I don't think their attitude is wrong. I think it's smart.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by hockeyprincess13 View Post
    I have money hidden....It's for gifts and things that I might want to buy without him knowing about it.
    Hmmmm I never thought about it like that.To me that's a little different. You aren't saying you don't trust your spouse.

    Quote Originally Posted by BrilliantBliss View Post
    I basically share your same opinion. While I understand why some people might do it I feel that you would be entering that marriage with the wrong mindset. I mean, maybe I would have my own account that only I had access to, but my husband would definitely know that the account existed. Though personally I would not want either one of us to have an account that we both didn't have access to at all. I would hope the man I married would be reasonable like myself if we ever got a divorce and not try to take all my money, as I would not try to take all his money if worst came to worst. However, if I got screwed over, that's just part of life, especially since I make that money, I'll get back on my feet soon enough.
    Yep this sums up how I feel. I see no problem with separate accounts if that's how a couple chooses to deal with their finances. The hiding part is what bothers me.

    Quote Originally Posted by january View Post
    I am of the opinion that you should do what you can to protect yourself. I didn't enter my marriage expecting to get divorced and as of now I don't have any money hidden, but I see why people do it and I don't think their attitude is wrong. I think it's smart.
    I understand the idea of wanting to protect yourself, but I kind of feel that that can be done through lawyers, divorces, prenups, separate accounts, having a career/ source of income of your own, etc. Hiding money has this feel of deception to it imo.
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    #7
    IMO, it's not okay.

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    #8
    i would never say hiding money from a spouse is ok to do. I think that shows some serious trust issues.

    I do feel strongly that each person in a relationship should have their own money though, in separate accounts on which they are the sole accountholder. I'm 100% for not keeping your money in one place, and having money that is your own for emergencies.
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    #9
    I think it depends on too many factors to say it's inherently wrong. Economic status, existing support excluding one's spouse, and one's past experience all coalesce into such a decision.
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    #10
    Um, you are supposed to claim all monetary assets in a divorce. At least ExDH and I had too in ours. And I don't agree with going into a marriage expecting it to fail. Even after mine did. You wanna have your own account, ok. Not for me but to each his own. But hiding money? I don't agree with that.
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