I Don't Know What To Do...

[Meghann]

Whoever chooses to read this will just have to bear with me, it may not make a lot of sense the way it comes out, it may sound totally random, but I need to vent, I need to cry, I need to TALK and maybe actually get some feed back since my husband won't...

For some reason my husband has been on the edge for the past, oh, couple of months. By that I mean, some of the stupidest, most petty things I do or say will just set him off and he gets angry. Sometimes I don't even know what it was that I did to make him mad. He'll just raise his voice, say something mean, say something that he knows will start an argument, or sometimes he just gives me a really dirty look and goes silent. When I ask him what's wrong, what I did, he says 'nothing', or 'I'm fine'. He will never talk to me about it! I don't get it. When it happens it makes me feel like ****, it hurts because he won't talk to me. I'm really unhappy in this marriage right now, and that hurts more than anything. I've been thinking about another wedding for us, a more real one than what we had but I hadn't known how to bring it up to him; I finally did, and he says "I know you want another wedding", and he goes on to talk about something on tv!! THAT'S IT. So, I finally brought all this up last night while we were laying in bed. I explained what was bothering me, asked him to please talk to me. Tell me if it's me, if it's something I do, tell me if maybe his feelings are changing towards me, tell me if it's something else that maybe if he would talk to me we could work it out, I just need to know what's going on because I'm tired of it. It's become like an every day thing now and I can't do it anymore. I'm tired of bickering, I'm tired of being unhappy, I'm tired of not knowing whether he's in a good mood or whether something I say is going to set him off. I can't do it anymore!! ...and I get nothing. He says "I don't know". That just made me cry. I have no idea what to do. When he heard me crying, he rolled over and put his arm around me and said he doesn't want to lose me - which me made me cry worse, because that thought has actually gone through my head and I feel terrible about it. When I didn't say anything he asked if I just don't care anymore - hello!? If I didn't care, I think I probably would have just left by now instead of trying to talk things out!
This morning he got up and left for work without saying anything to me. no hug, no kiss, no "I'll see you later", like he does every morning. He didn't even take his cell phone.

I don't know what to do. I have so many emotions runnging through me right now, I could go on writing all day, so I'll just stop now.

[Heather]

I hate to say this but when my husband got like that I later found out he had been cheating on me. It was the most awful thing ever! We worked thought it and things are fine now. I still have some trust issues but who wouldnt? Just hang in there do what you do and be sure to call him out when hes treating you like ****. Dont take it, you deserve to know whats going on. If you really want to know whats bothering him let him know you can handle any thing he has to say and that you love him no matter what. Tell him you know somethings been off and your here to help him. Its your life too.

[Meghann]

We've had problems before, and with what I'm talking about now, it isn't the only problem we have going on right now either. I just really need some help. I love my husband so much, and we have a child together. I don't want a broken marriage and broken family. But I especially don't want all this negativity and bickering to rub off on our son, kids have a sixth sense about that kind of thing.

I think what I need is to actually talk to a professional. Anyone from San Diego - would you know of a counselor, or know where I could find one? Is there a way to get one through the Navy?

[Cat]

well i would have asked him what he meant by he didnt want to lose you. it could be something going on at work too that he cant talk about with you. i know there are some things that my hubby cant talk about to me about his work too. i sure hope he isnt doing anything he shouldnt be (meaning cheating) dont jump to that conclusion until you just get him to tell you whats bothering you.

[Meghann]

I really hope he isn't cheating on me. I've been cheated on before in the past, and I told him before we ever even talked about marriage that I wouldn't stay with him if he ever did cheat on me, I just wouldn't be able to handle it. He knows I have trust issues anyway, and he's promised to me, in his vows at our wedding, that he would never cheat and would always be faithful to me.

He did call me this morning from work and said he wants to finish our talk from the other night, so that's definitely a good sign...I hope...right?

[Rach]

I was going to say maybe he is depressed?

[Rach]

Originally Posted by BM2wife05 He did call me this morning from work and said he wants to finish our talk from the other night, so that's definitely a good sign...I hope...right?

I hope it's nothing TOO serious....Good luck hon

[Meghann]

You could be completely right about him being depressed. He's only been back in Active Duty for less than 2 months now, this is the first time he's been away on a frequent, every day basis like this since our son was born, and the command that he's stationed at is brand new and really has no normal schedule at all. He never knows what they're going to do for the day until he gets there, and he never knows when he's going to be home. That part bugs me, but I really do feel bad for him. He went from being on Active Duty on a ship, doing things on schedule, being on deployments and loving them - to not knowing anything at all. So it is entirely possible that he could be a little depressed for the fact of being away from his son as much as he is and just overall aggitated about the ways things are with work. I do understand that, I just wish he would talk to me about it, as much as he can anyway.

[Rach]

I hope that's all it is. I know when I get depressed, I shut down. I get irritated by the littlest things & the people that I love- I really don't like to be around, but yet I miss them when their not around.

Some people deal w/ depression differently. He could be just having troubles adjusting and is trying to deal w/ it the best he knows how. Maybe he doesn't want to burden you w/ his feelings even though to you, him opening up is the better answer instead of keeping it in.

Depressed is definately a possibility. I did the same thing to my dh but mine was more than likely PPD.
Him wanting to talk is definately a good sign
As for a counselor you can go to FFSC they have councelors to talk to. Or you can call tricare and they will cover so many visits.
BTW what command is your dh with? You can PM me if you would rather. It sounds like dhs last command but on the other coast lol so "Sister command"
I