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Thread: My deep dark secret...

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    alice04's Avatar
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    #1

    My deep dark secret...

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    there is something that i have never told another soul, not any friends, not my mom, especially not DH. NO ONE. never even hinted at it to anyone. i've kept it to myself. i've toyed with the idea of posting it here for a few months but have stopped myself because i don't know how to word it without sounding like a completely horrible person but i need to get it out some where because it bothers me...

    sigh. you know how some people have like a dream ring, and they tell their boyfriend exactly what they want in an engagment ring and then boyfriend buys said ring when he proposes and everyone is happy? or maybe boyfriend picks out ring himself, and girlfriend ends up hating it? well, those are the more conventional situations. for me, i have the opposite problem. i technically picked out my ring, very casually, and now i wish that he would have picked it out himself and surprised me!

    when i was dating DH i was what i say "young," i wasn't super young (early twenties) but i didn't have weddings on the mind or being detail oriented in that area at all. none of my other friends were really in a serious relationship at that time. i never thought of what ring i wanted, or my dress, or type of wedding. very early on DH and would talk about getting married. i remember around the time i started dating DH, a girl in my hall in the dorms at college got engaged. i remember her showing us all her ring and everyone freaking out and i just remember her saying that it was "princess cut" and that it was a plain band and it was exactly what she wanted.

    i knew nothing about rings. i was like, princess cut? that looks and sounds pretty. and i liked the idea of the simple band. when DH (my then boyfriend) asked me about rings one day, i immediately rattled off that i liked princess cut, with a plain white gold band. well, of course, that is what he bought and proposed with. i thought nothing of it until my best friend got engaged about 2 years after i got married. i don't remember if her boyfriend bought it at an antique store or designed it, but he picked it out and it was this super unique ring and she loved it. most comments to the picture of her ring were "he did a good job" in reference to her fiance picking it out.

    this was what made me start thinking "i wonder what my DH would have picked out for me?" the more i heard about engagements and the same sentiments of "he did a good job picking it out!" on other people's rings, it made me increasingly sad that my DH hadn't picked my ring. see, i'm actually not that picky when it comes to things. i am more sentimental. DH really couldn't have picked out a ring i hated... he really couldn't. i would have loved anything he picked. i'd prefer white gold, but even if it was gold and he picked it i would still have loved it.

    i'm more mad that i told him what ring i "wanted" with only the limited knowledge from some other girl's ring. sigh. why did i do that? i only casually thought about it there is something so special about a guy picking out a ring for a girl, at least to me. sometimes i think it would have made it more special i feel horrible saying that don't get me wrong, my ring is of course still pretty. but i would have loved that extra sentiment of him personally picking it out and surprising me.

    so, i've kept it to myself all these years because what can be done, really? nothing. it would just hurt his feelings if i told him. plus, even though i wish he picked it out, this ring still is special because it is the ring i got married with. switching rings i feel like would just make it another piece of jewelry, not my wedding ring, ya know? i know that some people when they get married the husband says he will buy a "nicer set" later down the road and they do and everyone is happy, but that was never said between us and i don't think i'd like that.

    i don't know why, but i felt like getting that off my chest. i'm not sure there is a solution, really. other than going back in time and keeping my mouth shut and telling him "i like white gold, but i want you to surprise me!" i had no idea that i would feel this way later down the road! so, there it is. my "deep dark secret." i feel horrible for feeling this way
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    #2
    i picked out my ring. and dh never proposed. so i kind of get where youre coming from lol we just went to the jewelry store and picked everything out, and 3 weeks later got married. i dont regret how we did it, but i do kind of wonder sometimes what his proposal would have been like, and what kind of ring he would have picked out. part of me feels like i missed out on all the fun, romantic stuff.
    we kicked deployment #2's butt!

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    #3
    I can kind of sympathize. I picked out and bought my own ring. It was actually not at all the design I wanted band wise. I bought it for the main round diamond and hoped to upgrade the setting in a few years.

    Looking back, I wish I had just let DH pick out whatever just because I would have liked to know what he would have picked out.

    But now its just not that big of a deal and never bothered to upgrade the setting because I just do not care at all about the ring.
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    #4
    I gave DH some pointers but he ultimately picked the ring out. Which was pretty cool. I didn't even know he had ordered it when he had. He was sneaky. Maybe suggest an upgrade at an anniversary and tell him to pick it out. I have heard of people doing that.
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    #5
    Maybe he could pick a different ring for an anniversary and you can move the diamond from your ring to the new one.
  6. The name says it all!
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by nicoleclare View Post
    i picked out my ring. and dh never proposed. so i kind of get where youre coming from lol we just went to the jewelry store and picked everything out, and 3 weeks later got married. i dont regret how we did it, but i do kind of wonder sometimes what his proposal would have been like, and what kind of ring he would have picked out. part of me feels like i missed out on all the fun, romantic stuff.
    This is me, lol. It's kind of depressing but at least I got the man and ring I wanted, kwim?

    DH: Thank you. ME: For what, babe? DH: For being you.




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    #7
    I had the ring I wanted picked out for like 2 years. It was a princess cut diamond and a simple white gold band from tiffanys. I sent pictures of it to df, described it to him, and even showed it to him when we went into Tiffanys one day. When he actually proposed I got a completely different ring than what I told him I wanted. He paid no attention to any of the hints that I gave him, even though I made the hints very clear. But in the end I'm pretty happy with the ring he chose for me, so I guess I can't really be mad at him for picking one himself.
  8. i request the highest of fives!
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    #8
    i picked out my ring, but that's because i'm a nitpicky, stubborn, always right person i also knew when he was going to propose, etc. so i totally understand the feeling of missing out on the big romantic gesture.
    i think TV/movies/etc have really made proposals and stuff into something they aren't. i hate that. i've heard girls cry over not getting the "right" proposal. that's so sad to me.
    a ring is just a thing. if you want a different one, tell him. i doubt he's too attached to it! i actually feel like you've got a pretty good situation going on, since he DIDN'T pick it. if he had, it could hurt his feelings. but since you did, you take all the blame. kwim?
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    #9
    I told DH what I wanted and he completely ignored it and picked out a ring entirely opposite of what I wanted. At least you know your DH is a good listener


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    #10
    I could relate in a way.

    I never voiced what ring I wanted, and DH "did" pick out a ring; however he had to return it due to low finances.

    I never saw the ring because he was in Tech School and I was in college ^^, just know it was white gold. I do have a ring on my finger but nobody really sees that I'm married because according to one of my mother's coworkers it "looks like a keychain holder" >:[.
    Its actually my engagement ring that I found on DH's dog tags, and placed it on my finger during our road trip from Alabama to California.
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