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Thread: met SO before or after joining military?

  1. Senior Member
    alice04's Avatar
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    Mar 2012

    met SO before or after joining military?

    did you meet/know your SO when he was still a civilian before he joined and went to Basic? or was he already in the military when you met him? and, do you think it has in any way affected the relationship?

    i've taken great thought to this lately. i met my DH when he was already in the military, so that is all i "know" when it comes to him. i think that in some ways that has made certain aspects about military life easier for me, with the separations and the dangers. not that those things were "normal" to me before AT ALL, and definitely took some getting used to (believe me), but it was kind of laid out on the table right away that this was who he was and all that came with it and take it or leave it. so it was just something i had to automatically accept along with dating him. our relationship from the very beginning meant military, long distance, and the nature of his job from day to day. i know nothing else.

    then there are women that knew their SO before they joined, some were even married before and know what normal "civilian life" is with their husbands, so they see the contrast and the change more deeply from civilian to military within their relationship. maybe that even makes it harder, i'm not sure. i feel like if that had been the case with me and DH, it would have been more difficult. i would "long" for the days where he had a normal 9-5 and was home every night. but i never knew that with him, so i can't long for something that never existed.

    i remember the first time i first pondered this was years ago when i met a young, dating couple whom the boyfriend was thinking of joining and doing what my DH does and wanted to ask him some questions. the girlfriend seemed very worried about having her boyfriend train and do dangerous things that comes along with the job. it made me wonder why i didn't worry about my DH more... i mean, i worry when he is deployed. but when he is home and training or TDY, even doing more risky training where he could get injured or killed, i don't really worry. i think it has something to do with my DH=this, instead of my DH suddenly became this, so it's so normal for him to be doing that that i barely think about it. i don't know him any other way so i have nothing to compare it to.

    sometimes i wish i knew my DH before he joined, to see what he was like as a civilian and a teenager and to see if he was a different person then, or was much the same. but i think it would have made some things harder.

    so, what about you? knew him before or after? for you ladies that knew him before, did that have its own set of difficulties as described earlier?
  2. BingBangBoom that's how babies are made
    Rissa*Rawr's Avatar
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    BingBangBoom that's how babies are made
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    Nov 2010
    San Diego
    I met him on his first deployment.

    "Thank you so much. No matter what, nothing is possible without you behind the scenes bustin heads and takin names. Thank you again. Everything you have done for me means a lot and nothing has gone unnoticed. I love you so much and thank you for saying 'I do.'"
  3. Banned
    MamaStrong's Avatar
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    Oct 2010
    Chesapeake, VA
    After he had already joined
  4. Lime breakfast foot
    bajingo's Avatar
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    Mar 2010

    DH and I met in high school. We were dating for about a year and had been living together for like 3 months when he decided to join. I didn't want him to join...I'd broken up with my last boyfriend when he talked about the air force. I thought about breaking up with nowDH over it, but instead we got married

    I think the military sucks for our relationship. He just reenlisted, but once he gets out he and I will probably be a lot happier.

  5. Senior Member
    RebeccaLea's Avatar
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    Jun 2010
    I met DH when he was already in his second enlistment, coming off of his third deployment. I don't ever really wonder what he was like before. Who he is now is what matters.
  6. Senior Member
    Heisenberg's Avatar
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    May 2011
    South Florida
    I met him after, during his r&r from deployment. I don't think I would've liked him (at all, whatsoever) if we'd met when we were younger. I think the military gave him a lot of responsibility and maturity and I wouldn't be with somebody who didn't have those qualities.

    When I think about how he used to be (stories he tells me, things I hear from his friends) I can't believe he's the person I ended up with everybody tells me how much he's changed in the past few years.
  7. The name says it all!
    ALil2Naughty's Avatar
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    Mar 2010
    Loki's chambers

    Dh and I met after he had rejoined the military. I didn't know he was even in the military till he showed up for our first date in his peanut butters.

    DH: Thank you. ME: For what, babe? DH: For being you.

  8. Pour a little salt, we were never here
    [his] lobster's Avatar
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    Jun 2012

    DH had gotten out and was a civilian but he told me pretty early on that he was already considering trying to get back in, which he did.
  9. Come along with me, misery loves company.
    gogogadgetsam's Avatar
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    Mar 2012

    Met before he joined. He joined at 29 so he's old lol.
    He's always wanted to join but life got in the way and after we met I told him I would support his decision to join so he did. He'll probably be out after his 4 years are up(hasn't been in for a year yet) which tbh wouldn't be a disappointment for me. I preferred our civilian lifestyle lol. Probably because its what I knew for 26 years.
  10. Account Closed
    Lynn's Avatar
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    Mar 2011
    It could be worse.
    I met and started dating my husband when we were in high school. We had been married about two and a half years when he joined the Air Force.

    I don't think anything about the transition or it's impact on our relationship has been difficult. It's just... been.
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