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Thread: do I have to feel crazy about him?

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    #1

    do I have to feel crazy about him?

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    I have been dating a guy for about 5 months now. We get along good, minus some little bumps along the way, and enjoy our time together, he treats me well and we have the same sense of humor. The only 'problem' is, I don't feel CRAZY about him. This is my first longer term relationship so I feel silly asking, but in order for this to work, do I need to feel that way for him? Do I need to be craving to be around him all the time?

    My personality as it is is that I take a long time to allow myself to get close to someone. I do not NEED to be around people to be happy, I do like my time alone. When I am not around him, I do miss him usually, but I understand that people need time apart, and so does he. He told me that he feels that we are adults in an adult relationship and he is happy he isn't feeling super crazy about me. He says to him, he tends to jump into things and his last 2 relationships have been disasters and he has been badly hurt, so he appreciates what he has with me. He says he has feelings for me, that I am the perfect type of woman for him and I am what is he looking for. He talks about the future, and eventually moving in together when the time is right and does show me he wants to be with me.

    I guess just because of what I am always reading on here, I feel like I should feel really crazy about him for this to work out.

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  2. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #2
    If what you two have works for you, who cares what other people do? And for the record no, I don't think that a relationship needs to be all lovey dovey super mushy can't live without him type feelings either. Sometimes I feel that way about DH ... but it isn't a constant state of mind or anything. We appreciate the things we do together AND the things we do apart.
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    #3
    It's important to me to feel safe and comfortable, not crazy. I was crazy about my first husband, and it led me to let things slide that I never should have. I don't want someone to make me crazy, I want someone to bring out the best in me. It's ok if you aren't crazy over him.
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    #4
    Thank you ladies! You have made me feel better!

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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by SingWeJoyous View Post
    It's important to me to feel safe and comfortable, not crazy. I was crazy about my first husband, and it led me to let things slide that I never should have. I don't want someone to make me crazy, I want someone to bring out the best in me. It's ok if you aren't crazy over him.
    I was crazy over my ex and it was a toxic, roller coaster relationship. DH makes me feel safe, we have ups and downs but not near what my ex and I had, DH and I are balanced in a calm love.
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    #6
    Crazy usually equals crazy. It sounds like you have a really good relationship. Don't let the world tell you "the grass is greener" and that you should feel dissatisfied. He sounds amazing for you, and you for him. You're not lacking, unless YOU feel like there's no spark/love, ect.
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    #7
    No!! I don't think crazy is really a good feeling to have all the time for long lasting relationships (IMO of course!!). There are some times I feel crazy about dh, when I have the energy . But most of the time we are just in love- silly, safe, secure etc. Now I felt crazy about my ex and vice versa and we had an extremely unhealthy relationship. Every relationship is different, but I definitely don't feel like feeling crazy over one another is needed to have a great, long term relationship.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by linzerfufu View Post
    Crazy usually equals crazy. It sounds like you have a really good relationship. Don't let the world tell you "the grass is greener" and that you should feel dissatisfied. He sounds amazing for you, and you for him. You're not lacking, unless YOU feel like there's no spark/love, ect.
    This! Totally!
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    #9
    I'm "crazy" over my husband but it wasn't always like that. It's the little things that he's done over the course of our relationship which just keep me falling head over heels for him. When we first met, I didn't want anything. I wanted a friend. And when we started dating and I liked him, I called him boring and safe a lot. It wasn't the same as my previous relationship which was definitely a dose of BATSHIT CRAZY. Although he still makes me feel safe and I feel like it's the most secure relationship I could possibly have, he's definitely got me hooked on him. I'd like to think it's healthy though because although he's my husband, he's also my best friend which is why it works so well.

    He sounds amazing for you, and you for him. You're not lacking, unless YOU feel like there's no spark/love, ect.
    I agree with her... It sounds like you guys have an awesome relationship. If ever you feel like he's more of a friend and that you just love him and aren't in love with him, then maybe it's time to evaluate the type of relationship you guys should have but for now, just see where it goes!
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    #10
    Not feeling 'crazy' over someone doesn't make your relationship any less real and satisfying.

    Romance in the media try to make relationships look like you have to be there 24/7, and even then they portray the relationship as unhealthy too.

    I had maybe 2 relationships where I felt crazy about that person: one was a good but physically unhealthy crazy (nausea everytime I spoke to him cause I was so happy), then the other where we just drove each other off the wall with arguments, shouting, and intentional acts to get a reaction.

    Don't feel bad, you have a healthy and happy relationship as you've detailed. Enjoy it and don't let others change your thoughts about it.
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