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Thread: Help! Desperately confused!

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    #1

    Help! Desperately confused!

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    My fiance and I were supposed to get married this past August. He didn't get to come home so we had to cancel. Then he got very depressed and left me. Since then, we have tried to be friends but I am still very in love with him. After we broke up, I started talking to another guy in the Air Force (my ex is Army. I just cant seem to get away from the military! lol) This new guy seems really sweet and like a good guy, but "its" not there. It may be because I still have such strong feelings for my ex though. My ex is one leave right now. He has a new gf. However, since he has been home, he has seen me more than her. He just randomly shows up at my house. He keeps telling me how annoying she is, ect. Today he showed up, and he asked me for the promise ring he gave me. When I asked him why, he said he wanted to wear it on his tags while over seas and "for hope". I asked him for what, and he repeated "just hope". I said I knew he wasn't going to come back to me so I didn't understand why he would want something so personal to me to give him "hope". All he said was he was going to come back and see his "best pal" (meaning me of course). It made me cry to give up something so important to me, and he just held me while I cried and played with my hair. Also, his grandpa pasted away shortly before he joined (they were close and he took it hard) and at the funeral we were given some necklaces. I asked him if he wanted the necklaces and he said no he wanted me to keep them safe for him. I am so very confused because he also tells me I need to move on and that we will not get back together. But these things.... they seem like he wants to maybe. I'm sorry this is so jumpy. If you have any questions I'll gladly explain. But can someone PLEASE give me some insight to any of this? Since he has been home, it's felt normal. He is still my rock, and we just get each other. Any advice/insight is much welcome! Thank you ladies!
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    #2
    It sounds like he might be a commitment-phobe but likes your support. Unfortunately, he can't have it both ways and he needs to know that. It's not fair to you for him to act this way.
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    I'm not sure if that is the issue. He begged me for a year and a half to marry him before I finally agreed lol I just don't understand. I'm wondering if it may have something to do with his upcoming trip to the sandbox. (It will be his first)
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Katarina View Post
    I'm not sure if that is the issue. He begged me for a year and a half to marry him before I finally agreed lol I just don't understand. I'm wondering if it may have something to do with his upcoming trip to the sandbox. (It will be his first)
    Ah. Yeah. That seems likely. A lot of people try to distance themselves so they don't hurt the ones they love, or so they think.
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    I'm so confused on what to do. Why can't there be a simple answer? lol He wants to come over again this weekend.
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    #6
    Since he knows you'll be faithful and wait, I think he's trying to keep you on stand-by incase things don't work out with his new gf.







    I'm a good girl People make me do bad things

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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Katarina View Post
    I'm so confused on what to do. Why can't there be a simple answer? lol He wants to come over again this weekend.
    I would put my foot down and tell him to decide what he wants from you. He needs to be honest with himself.
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    #8
    I think it would be best, out of respect for his current girlfriend and concern for yourself, if you distanced yourself from him a bit. This whole situation sounds really unfair to her. Sounds to me like he knows he can keep you wrapped around his finger and have a girlfriend on the side- I find his behavior highly disrespectful to both of you. I'm sorry he's sending mixed messages and yanking you around.
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    #9
    I personally would cut contact and move on, with or without the new guy. I love love love my husband and when he dumped me in the past I always held hope for us, but if he ever got a new GF that would be the end. I will not compete and that would show me he was serious about being done. It sounds like he's using you for comfort as a friend because you're familiar and it isn't fair if you aren't over him.
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    #10
    Thank you for you input ladies! I think he and I need to have a serious talk about it. It really hurts because I gave him my everything.
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