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Thread: For my Divorced & Remarried Peeps...

  1. 1/2 hippie, 1/2 diva... all Jersey
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    #1

    For my Divorced & Remarried Peeps...

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    ...and anyone else who wants to weigh in...

    Is it just me, or are you that much more loving, patient, generous, etc... with your current spouse than you were with your ex? Granted, I realize every relationship is different, and the dynamic between a couple builds of each partner, so maybe that is the difference.

    Nevertheless, I can say with certainty that I get super smushy over DH wayyyyyyyyy more than I ever did with my ex--even at our best. I'm way more appreciative, tuned-in, and just... I don't know... a better freakin' person this time around. And I feel like it is in part due to the fact that I know what not being in a good marriage and not being loved completely for who I am feels like.

    Maybe I'm just or lovesick over missing DH-- but I really do feel like I'm a much better wife to DH than I ever was to exDH. Like, I almost want to call him and apologize. "Hey, you were a jerk sometimes, but I gotta tell you that I was totally lying when I said I gave it my best. I had no idea what "my best" even looked like til now-- and its way better."

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    #2
    In some respects, I agree. I am a much better wife to my DH than I was to my exDH. But, I am also adored, loved, respected, and treated faithfully.

    When I was with my exDH, I gave 100% to my marriage. I tried and I did my best. But, it wasn't good enough. Now, it is. Our love and respect goes both ways.

    I am much happier and more in love than I ever imagined though. I feel blessed to have a second chance at love and at a happy marriage.
  3. Come along with me, misery loves company.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by twistertwin View Post
    In some respects, I agree. I am a much better wife to my DH than I was to my exDH. But, I am also adored, loved, respected, and treated faithfully.

    When I was with my exDH, I gave 100% to my marriage. I tried and I did my best. But, it wasn't good enough. Now, it is. Our love and respect goes both ways.

    I am much happier and more in love than I ever imagined though. I feel blessed to have a second chance at love and at a happy marriage.
    THIS.
    I/what I did was never good enough for my exh. He is a huge douche nugget.
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    #4
    Ok so technically this is still my first marriage but I was engaged before I married DH. This relationship at its worst is still 100x better than any of my relationship with exDF. We just weren't as right for each other as we tried to be and his infidelity didn't help lol.

    Baby you are just so amazing.....
    everything you have done without me there is unbelievable.
    The person that I married is the person I want by my side the rest of my life
    and I can't wait to get back to her. ~DH~
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    #5
    I've never been married before, but we were both in longterm shitty relationships before we got together and we definitely feel that they taught us how not to be, and how we wanted to be treated.
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    #6
    I was a great wife to both my Exes, really and because they were abusive ass holes that the marriages failed.

    I am a very non-traditional wife. I do not do his laundry, I do not take care of his uniforms, I do not make his lunch, I do not cook his breakfast when he is home on weekends.

    But I am a great support system, I am strong, independant, street and book smart, I am a great problem solver. I am a great friend to him ( his best friend) I do not take things personally if he is upset or gets mad.
    He has made me a better person all around, but I have always been a great wife.
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    #7
    DH and I both feel like we are. We both learned a lot from our previous marriages.
  8. 1/2 hippie, 1/2 diva... all Jersey
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by gunsgirl View Post
    I was a great wife to both my Exes, really and because they were abusive ass holes that the marriages failed.

    I am a very non-traditional wife. I do not do his laundry, I do not take care of his uniforms, I do not make his lunch, I do not cook his breakfast when he is home on weekends.

    But I am a great support system, I am strong, independant, street and book smart, I am a great problem solver. I am a great friend to him ( his best friend) I do not take things personally if he is upset or gets mad.
    He has made me a better person all around, but I have always been a great wife.
    See, I thought I was being a great wife to my ex... but when I look at the woman and the wife I am now with my current husband, I mean... my God, I do more things for DH than I ever did for exDH, and yet they feel effortless.

    I think what I'm hearing is that each relationship brings out different aspects of you, the spouse. So yeah, with my exDH-- I gave him the best I had to offer based on what our relationship nurtured. We didn't have a "bad" marriage for the most part. Neither of us cheated or consciously screwed the other one over. It just did not work.

    With DH, I'm giving him the best I have to offer as well. Its just that I guess because I'm so happy-- my best is... er... better.

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  9. Do or do not... There is no try.~ Yoda, Jedi Master
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by twistertwin View Post
    In some respects, I agree. I am a much better wife to my DH than I was to my exDH. But, I am also adored, loved, respected, and treated faithfully.

    When I was with my exDH, I gave 100% to my marriage. I tried and I did my best. But, it wasn't good enough. Now, it is. Our love and respect goes both ways.

    I am much happier and more in love than I ever imagined though. I feel blessed to have a second chance at love and at a happy marriage.
    This.
    I'm not Lynn, but we ARE MSOS Best Friends and MSOS Twins.
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    #10
    This reminds me of an article I read that said it's a good idea to ask your divorced friends for relationship advice.
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