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Thread: Dating someone with kids?

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    #1

    Dating someone with kids?

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    I don't want kids myself. But at this point, I'm not sure I'd be totally against dating someone who has kids from a previous marriage. Can anyone tell me their experiences with a similar situation? Outcome? Thoughts? Things to keep in mind?
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    #2
    Wait, I'm confused. In your other thread, you said that you had kids? Kids that you'd have to get back after going through basic and tech school.
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    #3
    To answer the question, yes, if my husband passed away and I came to a place where I felt comfortable dating, I would be open to dating an individual with kids-- especially since I have one.
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    #4
    I dated a guy with a kid when I was 18. It went well for a while but the ex wife was a pain in the butt. He ended up breaking it off with me because of her and the break up hurt so much worse then it did with the guys I dated that didn't have kids. Only because I cared about his little girl too.

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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by katinahat View Post
    Wait, I'm confused. In your other thread, you said that you had kids? Kids that you'd have to get back after going through basic and tech school.
    She went back and clarified in that thread. She was talking about her pets

    and to answer your question, the one guy I dated with kids ended badly cuz he cheated on me with his ex and went back to her but I know it was cuz he was a douche I don't know if I'd do it again though. The guy would have to be pretty special.
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    #6
    Dating someone with kids is tough, the guy has to be worth it. DH's ex is making life miserable right now and I am sure that she will continue to try and throw roadblocks whenever she can. I am really hoping that in 10-12 years I can look back on right now and laugh, because all I want to do right now is , not at him or even at her exactly just the situation in general.
  7. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Jessym View Post
    She went back and clarified in that thread. She was talking about her pets
    Oh my bad, I'm sorry. I missed that somehow.
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    #8
    I dated a guy with a kid and after we ended things I decided never again. The child was not the issue; the child's mother was. For me, a relationship isn't big enough for more than two people and when there are kids involved there is (almost) always going to be involvment on the part of the child's mother. Some people have good experiences with this I'm sure, I'm just not one of those people.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by missinghim View Post
    I dated a guy with a kid and after we ended things I decided never again. The child was not the issue; the child's mother was. For me, a relationship isn't big enough for more than two people and when there are kids involved there is (almost) always going to be involvment on the part of the child's mother. Some people have good experiences with this I'm sure, I'm just not one of those people.
    This too. I don't think I could handle that. The only way I'd be able to do it is if the Mom wasn't in the picture at all as sad as that sounds.
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    #10
    I think it would require a lot of patience, respect, and integrity.

    Patience because there may be lingering unresolved issues for everyone involved: ex (spouse)/children/the person you're seeing and (depending on how close-knit each family is) extended family. There may be reactions that are not ideal and may take time to address/resolve.

    Respect for the previous relationship that resulted in progeny, and that includes parenting decisions that may not be how you would choose to address situations (provided the decision is not to the detriment of the child). Respect for the ex(spouse) and her continued presence/role in your SO's life.

    Finally, integrity. I have heard of situations where children are used as pawns for feuding exes, which tends to have a negative impact on any children involved. Or that children are neglected as a consequence of the new relationship. I believe integrity provides a moral compass that influences someone when they are making decisions that have serious consequences. When the consequences involve children, decisions become more weighty.
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