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Thread: Worried about DB's mom

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    #1

    Worried about DB's mom

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    Did you ever worry about how your SO's mother would accept you?

    I know DB's mom had a rough time with his divorce because she really liked his ex-wife. That's a partial reason I haven't met his mother yet. He wanted her to have time to get over that before introducing me into the picture.

    Then I noticed that every time, every single time, I post something saying "I love you" on DB's Facebook, his mother has to go and post something saying "I love love love love you" on his wall Like literally within minutes.... I don't know, sometimes it feels almost like she's trying to one up me, which hey I get it, she's his mother, I think she naturally will always love him on a different level then me because she gave birth to him.

    I guess it makes me worry. I know that sounds silly.

    What if I do meet her and she doesn't like me?? I know DB won't care because he doesn't feel super close to his mom, but I want her to like me and accept me since I am going to marry her son someday.

    Maybe I'm just overthinking things.
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    #2
    Doesn't sound silly to me, because that's how my MIL was before she was my MIL. We got along, then, but we don't now. She'd always have to one up me. ALWAYS. And it doesn't go away.. you just start to get pissed off about it rather than tolerate it.
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    #3
    I know what you mean. DB's mom says she's not angry at me, but she insults my family and I and it upsets DB. I think the only thing to do is do what you can live with, not what will get her to accept you. Your DB loves you and chose you, and while you do marry into a family...well, ultimately you are marrying your DB not his mother.

    I don't understand why she would feel compelled to have such a public display of one upmanship? Maybe she feels insecure in his relationship with you? Whatever the reason is, I wouldn't worry about it over much. If this is how she feels is best to express herself? Let her.
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    #4
    My mil and I get along, but have nothing in common. I still feel as though she views me as a threat or as another child instead of as an adult. What I have realized, though, is that nothing I do will change her mind and that it will take her time to adjust.

    I bet his mom is just worried about getting attached to someone she will lose (like his exdw) or him being in another bad relationship. All you can do is be yourself and hope that she likes you. If not, maybe she will come around eventually!
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by KaityBug View Post
    My mil and I get along, but have nothing in common. I still feel as though she views me as a threat or as another child instead of as an adult. What I have realized, though, is that nothing I do will change her mind and that it will take her time to adjust.

    I bet his mom is just worried about getting attached to someone she will lose (like his exdw) or him being in another bad relationship. All you can do is be yourself and hope that she likes you. If not, maybe she will come around eventually!
    Or that she respects you and your relationship with her son, even if she doesn't approve or accept it. I think this is what my eventual goal is. DB's wants me to eventually become indifferent. It may take a decade, if ever.
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    #6
    I havent met my future MIL yet and I'm scared out of my mind because his family HATED his ex-wife with a passion. I'm nothing like her but still... scares me!
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    #7
    DB's mother is a little . I met her on accident once, because she just showed up to his apartment one day, after driving 6 hours, without notice. He isn't really close with her, so he said her opinion of me doesn't matter at all, but she seemed to like me. His dad's opinion matters more, and his dad loves me and thinks DB should "get serious" with me. Still, DB isn't going to let either of them really influence where our relationship goes.

    Really though, there's not much you can do. I'm sure when I'm a mother, I will be skeptical of every girl my son dates... but that doesn't mean any of them won't prove me wrong. Just be yourself, be who her son loves, and she should accept it. If she doesn't, that's her problem.
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    #8
    I think you have every right to be concerned. I'm not saying that you aren't a likeable person, but dealing with a mother can be an experience. I married my MIL's FAVORITE child. It's been a real treat.
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    #9
    I would probably be concerned too. Im trying to view it from a mothers prospective. I can see how she is trying to protect her son and im sure the divorce was as hard on her as it was him.

    BUT

    That would give her no reason to take anything out on you. Just be yourself. If she loves her son then she will want him to be happy.
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    #10
    I must have gotten lucky in this aspect, DFs mother is very accepting, so much in fact that we go out to dinner ever few weeks to catch up while DF is gone, and a couple weeks ago, I went out and stayed the weekend. The catch is, DF and I have never actually met face to face... We met online while he was deployed... he still is deployed. So I have met the majority of his family before actually meeting him. Eep! I can say my exdb was a different story, she hated me, but she was a city, high class woman, and her well to do son brought home a 'dirty ole country girl'... lol.
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