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Thread: How do you define "Fighting"?

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    #1

    Question How do you define "Fighting"?

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    So my definition of fighting is much different than DF's and that has led me to believe that definitions within the board could vary as well. So my question, how do you define a fight?


    My definition: An agrument, doesn't have to be screaming and throwing things but a heated discussion that is about/involves your relationship or problems surrounding it.


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    #2
    Fighting: disagreeing vehemently about values, situations, logic, etc. surrounding a relationship. Does not connote raised voices, but can include being ignored, glared at, and told not to touch or talk to the other.
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    #3
    I guess I'd just have to define it as an extended disagreement. I dunno really.
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    #4
    DF's definition of fighting is physically fighting, throwing things and other violent acts. (Although he grew up in a abusive household with drug and alcohol addicted parents)


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    #5
    That's a really hard one. I mean I know when we're just having a disagreement and when we're fighting, but it's hard for me to put that into words so a person outside of our relationship could understand it.

    DH and I have somewhat different definitions of it too, though. Sometimes I will characterize an argument as a "fight" and he feels it wasn't. It's one of those things that's kind of in the eye of the beholder to me.

    His definition of fighting is like, screaming and slamming doors. I guess the closest thing I can come up with is when the parties are trying to hurt each other (not necessarily physically).

    "I'm really angry at you for X" -> not fighting

    "I'm really angry at you for X and now I'm going to say something in order to hurt you as much as possible" -> fighting
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    #6
    to me, a "fight" is when you are actually mad at the other person, not just having different opinions on the matter. kwim? during a disagreement, i am not mad/upset with him, it's just the subject. during a fight, i'm upset with HIM.
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    #7
    A disagreement about anything that lasts longer than a couple sentences and irritates one or both people enough to start saying or doing things that are outside of the confine of a normal conversation (raising voice, banging fist on table, snapping at one another or making rude or passive aggressive comments).

    DH thinks ANY disagreement of any kind is a fight and it drives me nuts, because he'll be like "we fight all the time" and I'll be like "really? the last time I can remember fighting was 3 weeks ago", then he'll bring up sometimes that happened recently that definitely wasn't an argument
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    #8
    To me, it's hard to define. It's sort of like how Justice Potter defined obscenity:

    "I shall not today attempt further to define the kinds of material I understand to be embraced within that shorthand description ["hard-core pornography"]; and perhaps I could never succeed in intelligibly doing so. But I know it when I see it, and the motion picture involved in this case is not that."
    —Justice Potter Stewart, concurring opinion in Jacobellis v. Ohio 378 U.S. 184 (1964), regarding possible obscenity in The Lovers.
    Last edited by Cat5; 10-24-2011 at 04:16 PM. Reason: bold added by me
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Moxie View Post
    A disagreement about anything that lasts longer than a couple sentences and irritates one or both people enough to start saying or doing things that are outside of the confine of a normal conversation (raising voice, banging fist on table, snapping at one another or making rude or passive aggressive comments).

    DH thinks ANY disagreement of any kind is a fight and it drives me nuts, because he'll be like "we fight all the time" and I'll be like "really? the last time I can remember fighting was 3 weeks ago", then he'll bring up sometimes that happened recently that definitely wasn't an argument
    And that scenario is exactly why this came to mind! DF and I had the same discussion but the other way around, I said we fight all the time and he said differently.


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    #10
    That's a good question, I don't really know. Hubby and I get along ridiculously well and I really don't think we fight. We're pretty calm and logical, so when we disagree we tend to talk things out pretty smoothly. But I don't really think of that as fighting.

    I guess I see fighting is yelling and not listening to someone else's opinion and trying to come to an understanding or compromise. And of course getting physical I see as fighting.
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