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Thread: I found the one thing that I can't talk to him about

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    AmandaA's Avatar
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    #1

    I found the one thing that I can't talk to him about

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    Db and I got in to a HUGE fight yesterday. He blew off plans with me and I'd put in a lot of work to get the apartment clean when in all reality I had a lot of other things that needed to get done and some that should have taken precedence. So I told him I was hurt and that I felt blown off and unappreciated. He said he'd be by after work and said he only had to work a few hours. I was at work and very much scatter brained, so I asked him again. It just pissed him off for no reason. He said he'd told me 3 times and that I had asked the same question multiple times in different ways. It got heated. He acted like a kid and said he wasn't going to talk to me while he was at work and he was gonna eat dinner with out me, so HA!!

    I blew it off, I was at work, I didn't have time to deal with a child. I was completely honest in telling him that I was hurt and I wanted to talk about things, because him blowing it off was the tip of the unappreciated iceberg. I drive the 40 minutes to see him when we see each other, and I've tried mentioning I want him to come see me more often, but he always blow it off.

    He text later like everything was fine hunky dory, and I told him that I didn't feel the conversation was over, that nothing had gotten resolved by arguing and that we needed to just sit down and talk it out. He got over the top mad, telling me that I was over sensitive and that he hope any other pontential boyfriend could handle my lame ass shit, and that maybe my ex wasn't so bad and it had been me. I thought we were breaking up, and I was at the point after those words I was a crying mess.

    I finally asked him if that how he wanted things to end and he said, no, he didn't want to break up. He came over and acted like nothing was wrong. We watched a movie and at some point in the movie I told him, "you know we do need to talk about the shit fest earlier" and he immediately went on the defensive. Said it was done why talk about it. I flat out told him "you don't fight fair and almost everything you said was out of line and should never be said to a person" He just said he'd never say them again, and repeated there was not point in talking about things that had been done. I tried to tell him that we needed to discuss how I felt and what had gotten me to that point. He went on the defensive and his whole body language just said he wasn't open to talking about it. I tried but it was just back to square one.

    I feel like we can't talk about our relationship which doesn't bode well for future issues. I love him, but we can talk about a HUGE topic and one that makes or breaks the relationship.

    I need advice, I have no idea what to do. I feel bad cause to him we made up and he went home, but all this has been brewing in my head.
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    gunsgirl's Avatar
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    #2
    this would be a huge red flag to me- and with communication the #1 most important thing in a relationship - I would suggest you re-evaluate your relationship with him.

    I will also tell you this will not change unless he wants it too- and if you end up marrying him this is how he will be. do you want that for your life?
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by gunsgirl View Post
    this would be a huge red flag to me- and with communication the #1 most important thing in a relationship - I would suggest you re-evaluate your relationship with him.

    I will also tell you this will not change unless he wants it too- and if you end up marrying him this is how he will be. do you want that for your life?
    How long have you guys been dating?

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    #4
    If he blows up and then acts like nothing is wrong, or apologizes, but isn't willing to own up to being a jack-wad, those are red flags. At least enough that they've got YOUR red flag senses tingling. If this was a one time occurrance, he may just be having a bad. Otherwise, you might have some thinking to do. To me, what he said almost sounds like verbal abuse in a way. Good luck!
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    #5
    I would be concerned that he didn't want to talk about it. The being defensive without hearing you out isn't fair. Granted I know a lot of guys that don't like talking about things that seem emotional but he's not even giving you a chance. Bringing up your ex and saying perhaps it was you was uncalled for.
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    #6
    It is a red flag for me, however, I feel like there is a grain of truth somewhere in what he said that he feels you are not getting and won't get. If you want to talk it out, you have to actually listen and be prepared to hear things you don't want to hear.



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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Judi89 View Post
    It is a red flag for me, however, I feel like there is a grain of truth somewhere in what he said that he feels you are not getting and won't get. If you want to talk it out, you have to actually listen and be prepared to hear things you don't want to hear.
    I'm perfectly fine to hear things I don't want to hear, but I don't feel like HE'S open to the same thing. Yeah I should have left when he was coming over alone, and just left it at that, and I recognize that.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by SailorsGoddess View Post
    How long have you guys been dating?
    5 months the beginning of November.
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    #9
    Sounds to me like he wants to have his say in things but wont listen to you when its you time. Once upon a time I was in a relationship like that. Notice I said was not am. Nuff said.
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    #10
    THIS would be a deal breaker for me. I am the type who needs to talk-it-out. I do not spend oodles of time on the subject, but enough to say my peace and to hear what he has to say regarding the disagreement.

    Time to reevaluate. Open and good communication is vital to a relationship.
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