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Thread: I don't even know.

  1. Regular Member
    CaitlynMariee's Avatar
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    #1

    I don't even know.

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    So DB and I have been together for 5 years. I'm only 18 though. We have had rough patches and have broken up for short periods of time like twice. Never more than a month. Things have been really good for the past year and a half, basically. We got a lot closer. Looking back, I have been really happy just because he was there. Everything we did together was special even if it wasn't necessarily a "special" event- like because we lived in a tiny town, the most fun thing to do was really go to Walmart, haha, and we have a lot of good memories. I mean, you tend to create lots of memories over the course of 5 years... he's been there by my side from middle school to high school and now into college.

    So I'm away at school now and he's at basic training. Before he left I bawled like a baby of course. I've written him a letter every day and I check the mail religiously. I get happy when he writes me. But sometimes I think maybe not as happy as I should be?

    I mean, I pretty much went from being with him or communicating with him every waking moment for the past 5 years to absolutely nothing. He's gotten two calls since he's been there. I've heard his voice for a total of 5 minutes in the past 5 weeks. I have a good amount of letters, like 9 or 10 now I think. So I do have something to read when I miss him.

    The thing is, idk. I think my emotions are shut off or something. I feel strange when I think about him. Kind of this looming sad feeling and idk why. I almost feel like my feelings are fading.

    Of course, I can't tell anyone this. Especially not him. If I made the decision to break it off or something (which I can't even imagine. I can't imagine life without him) I have to wait 5 more weeks because I could never ever do that to him in a letter while he is at basic. He continually says that I'm all that's getting him through, that making me happy is all he wants out of life. He's such a good boyfriend and guy and I truly think the world of him. When I picture my future I see him in it. I just think this "basic" thing is messing with my head. Hopefully when I see him again for his graduation the fire will be re-kindled.

    My question is... when you go without your SO for a long time, do you start to forget the little details that made you love them? Is this normal?

    I don't want this little obstacle to ruin such a good thing. I refuse . I'd never do anything to hurt him... there are no other guys or anything like that. I just feel so lost and sad and hopeless. He's my whole life and if things don't work out with him I truly have nothing.
  2. Today was a Fairytale
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by CaitlynMariee View Post
    So DB and I have been together for 5 years. I'm only 18 though. We have had rough patches and have broken up for short periods of time like twice. Never more than a month. Things have been really good for the past year and a half, basically. We got a lot closer. Looking back, I have been really happy just because he was there. Everything we did together was special even if it wasn't necessarily a "special" event- like because we lived in a tiny town, the most fun thing to do was really go to Walmart, haha, and we have a lot of good memories. I mean, you tend to create lots of memories over the course of 5 years... he's been there by my side from middle school to high school and now into college.

    So I'm away at school now and he's at basic training. Before he left I bawled like a baby of course. I've written him a letter every day and I check the mail religiously. I get happy when he writes me. But sometimes I think maybe not as happy as I should be?

    I mean, I pretty much went from being with him or communicating with him every waking moment for the past 5 years to absolutely nothing. He's gotten two calls since he's been there. I've heard his voice for a total of 5 minutes in the past 5 weeks. I have a good amount of letters, like 9 or 10 now I think. So I do have something to read when I miss him.

    The thing is, idk. I think my emotions are shut off or something. I feel strange when I think about him. Kind of this looming sad feeling and idk why. I almost feel like my feelings are fading.

    Of course, I can't tell anyone this. Especially not him. If I made the decision to break it off or something (which I can't even imagine. I can't imagine life without him) I have to wait 5 more weeks because I could never ever do that to him in a letter while he is at basic. He continually says that I'm all that's getting him through, that making me happy is all he wants out of life. He's such a good boyfriend and guy and I truly think the world of him. When I picture my future I see him in it. I just think this "basic" thing is messing with my head. Hopefully when I see him again for his graduation the fire will be re-kindled.

    My question is... when you go without your SO for a long time, do you start to forget the little details that made you love them? Is this normal?
    I don't want this little obstacle to ruin such a good thing. I refuse . I'd never do anything to hurt him... there are no other guys or anything like that. I just feel so lost and sad and hopeless. He's my whole life and if things don't work out with him I truly have nothing.
    First bolded, actually I think he is the one you should talk to. Yeh, wait until he is home but you should be open and honest with him.

    To the second bolded, no. I've never forgotten the little things that made me fall in love over and over. In fact, thinking about those things keep me happy while he is gone. IDK if its normal though. But it doesnt happen to me.
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    #3
    I'm not sure if this is exactily what you're feeling, but when DH was at basic there was a period where I felt a little numb, for lack of a better word. I freaked out on myself for a minute, like why am I not sad right now? Why do I feel like he doesn't exist anymore? Not that I was acting like I didn't have a husband, there was just a short period where I didn't feel his absence like I had. I am not explaining this well. Anyway, it only lasted a little while, and then I was back to feeling like I had before. I think I just kind of shut down my feelings to help me get through it. It is a weird feeling going about your life like you usually would but without them there. It threw me for a loop. Lots of for you and I hope you work out your feelings.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by maegan View Post
    I'm not sure if this is exactily what you're feeling, but when DH was at basic there was a period where I felt a little numb, for lack of a better word. I freaked out on myself for a minute, like why am I not sad right now? Why do I feel like he doesn't exist anymore? Not that I was acting like I didn't have a husband, there was just a short period where I didn't feel his absence like I had. I am not explaining this well. Anyway, it only lasted a little while, and then I was back to feeling like I had before. I think I just kind of shut down my feelings to help me get through it. It is a weird feeling going about your life like you usually would but without them there. It threw me for a loop. Lots of for you and I hope you work out your feelings.
    That's how I felt when my DB left for boot camp. At first there were tears, but then I started feeling "numb". It was scary, but I do know that I miss him like crazy and wish he were back! Hope everything works out for you!!
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    #5
    maybe it is you growing up and moving on. . . maybe he was your security blanket and now you're realizing you're maturing into a person that doesnt need that security blanket anymore. . . . . thats what happens to a lot of highschool sweethearts when they go to different colleges etc. . . could be the same thing happening here



    Here we go again.....#3
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    #6
    Honestly, yes. I do forget a lot of the "little things" about DH when he's gone. During his boot camp, I felt SO numb. Every knew emotion I felt, I was convinced I was falling out of love with him and I hated it. I wasn't... I was just going through a normal "grieving" process... I think what you're feeling is extremely normal. UNLESS you're just like "I'm checked out of this relationship and want someone else"

    I forget a lot of the little things, still, though. DH is out right now for a month. I still remember his voice... but I haven't seen him in two months. It's fuzzy to remember how him holding me feels. Or how his kisses feel. I know in my head I love all of the little things, and I love him... but it really is difficult sometimes to physically remember all of those things.

    (however, my mother insists I'm losing my mind because there are lots of times when I don't remember her telling me to do something so maybe I'm just crazy!!)
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    #7
    thank you thank you thank you thank you. it is exactly what you guys said- i feel so numb. i'm so terrified of falling out of love with him. it's strange to not be able to remember how it feels to hold his hand and the little things he says that makes me adore him. my memories of him seem so far away. its hard. :/ luckily it's only 5 weeks until his grad. when i see him i'm sure all will well again.

    i'm so glad i found this place!
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    #8
    I agree with most of the ladies here. When DH left for basic a few years ago I cried like a baby and was depressed for awhile, but then I just didn't feel anything. However, DH and I have been in an LDR for most of our relationship so for me it was normal. When we were apart it was a lot easier to just go out and stay busy, even if it meant that I wasn't going to talk to him. It was so much harder talking to him but knowing that we couldn't physically be together and there was nothing I could do about it. I'm sure when you see him again all the feelings will come back, at least they did for me. So hopefully the worrying will subside. Hang in there!

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