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Thread: Pre-deployment detachment?

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    #1

    Confused Pre-deployment detachment?

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    Hi everyone! I'm a newbie on this board... Just a quick question: Is it normal for the guy to start to act like all will be well, nothing to worry about, and never bring up how much he'll miss you? Don't get me wrong, he's not super cold, or not talking to me... we've seen each other almost everyday for the past 2 weeks, which is awesome. But I've noticed he won't want to talk about how much I'll miss him and what not. I know J, and I know he pushes away a lot of emotions... I've only seen him truly open up about his fears a few times... so I'm just wondering if this is normal.

    Just as a background, we have been together for almost 3 years, but during that time we both had school, so he didn't really deploy for long periods of time. This is our first "real" deployment, and all other deployments he's had when we weren't together, he was single (so he didn't have anyone to really comfort except for perhaps his mom).

    Thanks for any insight!! xoxo
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    #2
    Hi there!

    I am brand spanking new to this as well. I can share with you that my guy was the same way for a few weeks leading up to the day he left (been gone a week tomorrow). The morning he left, he completely broke down when saying goodbye.

    He was definitely the rock I expected him to be leading up to that day. I didn't expect him to be as emotional as he was but it made me realize that deep down he was really feeling the pain of leaving.

    K~
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    #3
    First off it's VERY normal.

    He just wants to enjoy the time he has with you and not focus on the negative more then likely. Try to enjoy your time together focusing on what can not be changed is not good, and to me it ha nothing to do with him pushing the "emotion away" it's just something he doesn't want to focus on while enjoying what little time he has left before he leaves. You'll regret focusing on the negative when he leaves and he knows he has to leave and he knows he will likely miss you like crazy which is likely why it is not something he wants to talk about.

    I know DH will refuse to talk about it and even says "Why did you have to remind me" if I bring up him leaving soon.(Only came up once when talking about planning something but still not something he wants to think about ) DH's last deployment he broke down and cried right before he left and I got emails telling me he missed me and couldn't wait to be home.
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    #4
    Thanks for answering, K. I really appreciate it.

    I have a sneaky suspicion tomorrow he might get that way. He kinda got that way when he left for a 2 week deployment last year, but it wasn't til the last minute like your guy. I just thought for something lengthier he'd be falling apart, lol. But then again, he's a guy, not a girl
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    #5
    Awwww, LoveMikeyBear, that made me giggle! I love when our men break down (haha, its one of the few times you'll see someone strong show a weak side... ).

    Thanks for your reply... I think you're right, I shouldn't focus on the negative. I've been making jokes about it (like planning my "pity party" by buying oreos and peanut butter and a movie, or sending him pictures of anything that has changed in our lives like the stop sign at the corner of the street moving an inch...)...

    Anywho, I am off to go see him and the family before his "last supper".
  6. I just can't even...
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    #6
    That has been my experience with my DH. They have to think positive and keep busy just like we do to pass the time and not be completely miserable. They can't afford to be depressed, most of their jobs are dangerous and require constant vigilance.
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    #7
    when DB talks about deployment its makes it seem like its not a big deal, and its only a year and blah blah. it hurts but its how he deals with it. he told me he is absolutely dreading going over there so him talking about it lightly and thinking of it lightly is his way of making it better
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    #8
    when my db was getting ready to leave he would avoid talking about it. it is completely normal for them to do that. just remember every guy handles deployment in a different way.
  9. skp
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    #9
    yes, unfortunately it's very normal. Guys generally have a hard time talking about feelings. Try to stay positive and be supportive of him!!

    br33 is my professional deployment twin
    starsinthesky is my PAL
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    #10
    WOW... that was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Our last night together, and everytime I came close to crying, I'd beg him to say something funny

    Thank you ladies for answering... definitely makes me feel better to know its normal. I feel sad, but at the same time privileged to be dating someone who has made such a huge impact in the world (but continues to be modest about it).

    xoxo

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