Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 46

Thread: Am I being ridiculous? (long)

  1. home is wherever i'm with you
    besos's Avatar
    besos is offline
    home is wherever i'm with you
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Hawaii
    Posts
    465
    #1

    Am I being ridiculous? (long)

    Advertisements
    In about 6 months, I am planning on moving from the midwest to Hawaii with DB because he is getting stationed there. We have been dating for about 9 months and we havenít had any serious marriage talks yet but tonight I brought it up to him. I said something like, ďin 2 or 3 years, do you think we will be married?Ē He got freaked out by it and said that he doesnít want to get married any time soon or Ďrush into anything.í He acted like it was way too soon for me to be bringing this up to him or talking about it. After we had a really long discussion about it, he relented and said that he wouldnít be with me if he didnít see a future with me.

    We are in a serious relationship. Iím moving away from my family and friends and everything I know to be with him. I donít think itís unreasonable to talk about the future and whether or not marriage is going to happen IN A FEW YEARS. Iím 22, heís 23. I have never once doubted how much he loves me Ė I guess I just assumed he loves me enough that he would want to marry me someday. But now Iím freaking out. In my head, Iím like Ė he must not love you that much if the thought of being with you forever scares him so much.

    I feel like the conversation we had tonight is going to really F with my head and make me question whether or not I should move to Hawaii. I have never questioned our relationship before, or his love for me. Am I overreacting or am I right to be anxious about how this conversation went?
  2. Senior Member
    azarmygf's Avatar
    azarmygf is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Me: AZ
    Posts
    14,447
    #2
    If I were you I would be second guessing moving to Hawaii for a man so afraid of commitment.

    I wouldn't necessarily be doubting his love, but I would be doubting the seriousness of the relationship. If he can't even calmly talk about marriage in the far future then I wouldn't leave everything to move to someone outside of the continental US.
    R.I.P. My Love, Everyone was supposed to come home together, I'm sorry you had to come home early
  3. Banned
    Lychee's Avatar
    Lychee is offline
    Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    15,327
    #3
    Moving to Hawaii is a huge step, and his reaction seems to indicate he hasn't thought of the significance of your moving out here. I don’t think it is wrong to question the direction of a relationship. His response seemed to focus more on himself rather than your relationship. I would want more clarity before I moved.
  4. home is wherever i'm with you
    besos's Avatar
    besos is offline
    home is wherever i'm with you
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Hawaii
    Posts
    465
    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Lychee View Post
    Moving to Hawaii is a huge step, and his reaction seems to indicate he hasn't thought of the significance of your moving out here. I donít think it is wrong to question the direction of a relationship. His response seemed to focus more on himself rather than your relationship. I would want more clarity before I moved.
    The confusing thing is, today he talked about the possibility of us buying a house after a few years. He talked about how maybe, we'll love it out there enough that we'll want to stay there after he's out of the Marines in 3 years. So....he would buy a house and live there with me, but its too soon to be talking about getting engaged/married in a few years? It just doesn't make sense to me because he talks about us being together long-term.
  5. Banned
    Lychee's Avatar
    Lychee is offline
    Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    15,327
    #5
    That me. Have you asked how he envisioned the future? I'm curious to hear how he would phrase it.
  6. Senior Member
    villanelle's Avatar
    villanelle is online now
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    14,790
    #6
    NO way in Hades would I move to Hawaii with a guy who said that to me, but then again, I'm not really a believer in uprooting one's life and leaving one's support system for a guy unless it is damn serious.

    I think it's fine that he doesn't yet see you as his likely future wife, after 9 months, but knowing that he felt that way, I could not move myself to be with him.
  7. Arianna is my Angel!
    motorpoolwifey's Avatar
    motorpoolwifey is offline
    Arianna is my Angel!
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    MCAS Miramar
    Posts
    1,265
    Blog Entries
    1
    #7
    nope you are right...you are going to MOVE for him, YOU are going to LIVE with him, YOU are doing the mostes! A little bit of a future SHOULD be discussed! nope, he needs a quick check to THINK about what he is ask YOU to do...

    but that is just my 2 cents
  8. home is wherever i'm with you
    besos's Avatar
    besos is offline
    home is wherever i'm with you
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Hawaii
    Posts
    465
    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Lychee View Post
    That me. Have you asked how he envisioned the future? I'm curious to hear how he would phrase it.
    Well, he talked about how we'll need to get through a deployment together. He talked about it in such a way that he hoped I would be able to stick with him through it, but he seemed to question whether or not I could handle it. He said that if we dated long enough and didn't break up (this seems obvious to me) we would 'probably' get married.
  9. home is wherever i'm with you
    besos's Avatar
    besos is offline
    home is wherever i'm with you
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Hawaii
    Posts
    465
    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by villanelle View Post
    NO way in Hades would I move to Hawaii with a guy who said that to me, but then again, I'm not really a believer in uprooting one's life and leaving one's support system for a guy unless it is damn serious.

    I think it's fine that he doesn't yet see you as his likely future wife, after 9 months, but knowing that he felt that way, I could not move myself to be with him.
    Well...I thought it was pretty damn serious up until now! He says that he's serious....but now I'm doubting that. I guess I don't know how you can claim to be 'serious' with someone unless you're planning on marrying them someday. And not in just a, "sure we'll get married someday if we don't break up" type of way.
  10. Banned
    Lychee's Avatar
    Lychee is offline
    Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    15,327
    #10
    I am sorry he is being vague and indefinite. There is an awful lot of expenses associated with moving, and his uncertainty would make me think twice. Emotional and financial costs he is asking you to assume to be with him.
Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •