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Thread: Ex Spouses Texting/Talking?

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    #1

    Confused Ex Spouses Texting/Talking?

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    What, if there should be any, is the protocol, do you think, on ex spouses talking/texting one another? Particularly if no kids were involved.....


    Just curious on this one... please!
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    I think it depends on the individual situation and people involved.
    I don't believe in telling others who they should or should not be talking too.

    I know many ex couples who are good friends with each other, and they new spouses get along well too.

    So much depends on the individual circumstances, i don't think there is an answer that someone else can tell you is appropriate for YOU.
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    At first, I was fine with DB talking to his ex (they were best friends) but things changed, we realized she still harbored feelings for him and instead of being a friend, she became a pyscho ex (so to speak). At that point I was not happy with them talking. DB did not feel comfortable with J and I talking so I terminated that.

    Basically, if the person doesn't feel comfortable with their SO talking to their ex, there's a problem and its best to get it solved ASAP. Whether that means cutting back communication or cutting it off, so be it.
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    #4
    I agree, I don't think it's a black and white thing. There are some times when talking to an ex leads to the break up of a marriage, and there are couples that have great marriages for decades and there is still contact between the exes.

    Depends on the people involved, different circumstances, etc.

    DH doesn't contact any of his exes (not that he was married before), and I don't talk to my exH, but we trust each other not to do anything that would hurt the relationship, so it's pretty much a non-issue for us.
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    I don't believe it's a matter of "someone telling someone else who they can and can't talk to" but for some reason it feels odd.... especially when they aren't good friends-the marriage ended poorly, and he believes she's a crappy person. I dunno..... hmmm

    It just seems a little strange to me... If they were that horrible of a person, wouldn't you want to cut off all contact?
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    I never told DB I didnt want him to talk to his ex or anything, but I made it clear that I would not be happy as long as he did. I'm not his mother and he's a big boy; he can make his own decisions. But those decisions will also have an effect on my moods, emotions, etc etc.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malfoy View Post
    I don't believe it's a matter of "someone telling someone else who they can and can't talk to" but for some reason it feels odd.... especially when they aren't good friends-the marriage ended poorly, and he believes she's a crappy person. I dunno..... hmmm

    It just seems a little strange to me... If they were that horrible of a person, wouldn't you want to cut off all contact?
    Its always hard. No one wants to feel like they are hated. It is hard to part from those things that you had a long loving attachment too, no matter how they end.
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleMsSunshine View Post
    I think it's really funny when people come on here, and automatically assume that everyone here is a gung-ho, hoo-rah, i-bleed-red-white-and-blue, kiss-my-military-ass, people-in-uniform-can-do-no-wrong, and i'm-entitled-to-everything bitch.
    "RIP Blackie, and Whitey, New Whitey. Goodbye Poopers and Momma Beige and Lady Grey. New Blackie and the Whitey Sisters rule the roost now!"
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Guynavywife View Post
    I think it depends on the individual situation and people involved.
    I don't believe in telling others who they should or should not be talking too.

    I know many ex couples who are good friends with each other, and they new spouses get along well too.

    So much depends on the individual circumstances, i don't think there is an answer that someone else can tell you is appropriate for YOU.


    Quote Originally Posted by Malfoy View Post
    I don't believe it's a matter of "someone telling someone else who they can and can't talk to" but for some reason it feels odd.... especially when they aren't good friends-the marriage ended poorly, and he believes she's a crappy person. I dunno..... hmmm

    It just seems a little strange to me... If they were that horrible of a person, wouldn't you want to cut off all contact?
    To the bolded - it really depends on the circumstances. Everyone handles divorce differently. Divorce (speaking from experience) is AWFUL, it is horrendous. Some people leave and move on quickly and easily and never speak to each other again. For me, the emotional hell that came with the divorce made the separation really hard. He was my best friend, yes he did AWFUL things to me, and I was no angel either, divorce brings out the worst in everyone involved - but in the end, that was the man that I vowed to spend the rest of my life with, he was my husband.

    I will always care about him, we don't speak any more because I *personally* feel that it would be disrespectful to DB - but I wouldn't be opposed to being facebook friends with him or talking randomly if DB wasn't in the picture.

    There is a connection that comes when you are married *at least for me there was* that cannot be compared to a relationship that isn't marriage. My relationship with DB is a million times better than my marriage to exDH ever was, but there is a difference. It's really hard to explain.

    I guess bottom line to my point is that it's not always as simple as "he's/she's my ex and since we aren't married anymore and they weren't good to me then I will never speak to them again" - the thing that people fail to realize sometimes is that obviously, if two people were married, then the relationship wasn't ALWAYS bad - sometimes it's easier to remember the good times vs the bad times that led to the divorce.
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Guynavywife View Post
    Its always hard. No one wants to feel like they are hated. It is hard to part from those things that you had a long loving attachment too, no matter how they end.
    This is very true. My exH was a big fat jerk and I still talked to him for months after we divorced. Even though I know that his addiction was to blame for the dissolution of our marriage, I felt guilty. And I worried. Even though it made no sense. I dont' talk to him anymore, but it took a while to get there.

    It's very hard to switch feelings automatically from "I love you" to "I don't give a shit about you at all" ... even switching from hate to apathy can be hard.

    Even if he thinks she is a bad person, he may have his own reasons to keep in contact. He may hold out hope that she can change, he may feel guilt over the marriage still, there are many possibilities.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Guynavywife View Post
    Its always hard. No one wants to feel like they are hated. It is hard to part from those things that you had a long loving attachment too, no matter how they end.
    Yeah, I guess that makes sense. He IS a super nice person and helps anyone out so, maybe talking to her is his way of not feeling like a complete failure if he can not harbor major ill feelings...

    This is my first RELATIONSHIP so I really don't know what is "the norm" in a lot of stuff. Thank goodness I have this site to help me figure some things out...

    and to the bolded: haha that might be an overstatement, but I understand.
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