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Thread: Confused, Hurt, Don't Know What To Do...long

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    #1

    Confused, Hurt, Don't Know What To Do...

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    Well, DB IM'ed me last night, said it was important, wanted to talk. I could tell something was up. The conversation:

    DB: Hey babe are you up? I need to talk to you when you get a chance, its important :/

    Me: yea I'm awake, is everything ok?

    DB: Well, since skype won't work again I have to talk to you on this, I'm sorry .I wish I could talk to you face to face. Everything isn't ok to be honest. I've been feeling like you feel when we don't talk much. I'm unsure about how things are going, and I'm just really confused. I don't like this feeling at all.

    Me: aww babe, well lemme tell you how things are. I've never been more in love, and I know we've hardly talked, but it just makes me cherish the time we do get to talk


    DB: I know, I feel the same way. I love you more than I ever could have possibly imagined loving someone. You are absolutely perfect for me. I mean I want to be with you for the rest of my life, but things are so crazy in both of our lives right now it makes it so hard, Idk what to think :'(

    Me: wait, are you feeling like you don't want to be with me?

    Me: baby I know its not easy, and I get how you're feeling but I promise you thats its worth it, please don't push me away. I love you.

    DB: I love you too so damn much. You don't even know. I just don't think I can do this right now I'm literally driving myself crazy trying to handle everything going on here and make the best of our relationship. I know God really has a plan for the two of us together in the future because we are meant to be together forever. I just think this is the best tthing for us right now considering everything going on with school and equestrian team for you and me being here. you are my everything and my only one. I mean that with all of my being. You are the one for me. I just know we both aren't ready to continue this right now. I plan on moving to MI and seeing you again eventually. I'm sorry I don't want to do this at all I just think its best for us right now :'( I love you with all of my heart Victoria. Please never forget that, please.

    Me: please don't do this to me, I know we can make it thru this hun. I don't get how you think pushing me away will make it better. you don't do this to someone you love. Lets just wait and see how R&R goes, please

    DB: I can't I'm sorry

    Me: so getting rid of me entirely is suppose to help. I don't think so. If you love me at all, please give this a shot, not give up entirely.


    He never responsed. This was 4am my time. I sent him a loooooooong fb message after the fact...which in reality was a horrible idea. I should have let my feelings cool down before messaging him, but now its already sent. Here is what it said:


    The illogical part of me keeps hoping that I'm going to wake up from this nightmare and everything will be ok. That you'd never actually hurt me like this, you'd never break my heart, and that there is just a misunderstanding. The logical part of me can't seem to make sense of any of it. Just 10 days ago, I told you how crappy I was feeling and you promised you'd never leave me, and now you are. I've spent the past few days feeling a renowned sense of why I was in love with you, on top of the world, knowing we can make this work, because we were committed to it. Now, I don't know what to think.

    You say that you love me, and you know God has a plan for us, and that we have a future together, but then you also say you can't do this now. I don't know what it is you're thinking, but leaving me now and thinking that I'll just be here for you to pick back up again in 8 months is crazy. Yes, I love you, and yes, I want you forever, and I know that there is no one else for me, but I also have enough self worth to not allow you to use my heart like a revolving door. That's not fair to me Justin.

    That being said, I don't actually believe this is what you really want. Maybe you're just having a shitty day. Maybe something happened that made you want to lash out, but I can't actually fathom how you think that leaving me, who you claim to love so much, is going to help things. Personally, when I was feeling really unsure that I was strong enough for this, I realized it was because I was setting myself up for let down after let down, waiting up for you each night, when we both know communication isn't very stable.

    Once I just told myself that I'll hear from you when I hear from you, and focused on getting thru one day at a time, it made a huge difference. I'm not the type to beg, but I told you'd I'd fight for us, because I can't live without you and you said the same thing. I don't know whats going thru your mind, but honestly Justin, you owe me that much. Throwing this away could possibly be the dumbest thing I've ever heard. If there is someone else, then fess up, although I don't think you'd do that to me. I think you're just having a rough time, and you're trying to solve it somehow. I don't think this is the answer.

    And really, if you meant it when you said you loved me even just a little bit, you'd be willing to try something different, rather than just end it all. I'm not asking you to agree to just keep on going the way things are, because clearly if you're struggling to make it thru each day, then something's gotta give. But really hun, there are other ways. Even if its just that you only try and get a hold of me once a week, and if the internet doesn't work after 10 mins, you just head to bed. I woudln't hold that against you, bc I love you. Please Justin, I'm begging you, give us a chance. See how things go for a few weeks, think about what you're doing to me, to us. If you love me at all....


    (** back story. Maybe 2 weeks ago I was really questioning if I was strong enough for this. He could tell I was upset, and didn't want to tell him why, but he weaseled it out of me, and then made me all these promises about how we should always talk about stuff like this, so that it brings us closer, and that he'd never leave me because I was having a rough time, blah blah blah)


    UGH. I'm supposed to be seeing him while he's home on R&R THIS MONTH...like it was close enough that I was packing my bag to drive to NC (where his mom lives). I'm so beyond hurt and confused right now, and I just don't know what to do.
    Last edited by SunKissedRider; 09-15-2011 at 12:19 PM.


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    #2
    I think you did the right thing. If he wants you to wait around until he gets back that's not fair to you. I understand it's hard but maybe it is time to just cut ties. If it is meant to be then it will happen again. God has a plan for you and maybe him being in your life isn't part of it right now. I don't mean for any of this to sound mean. If you need anything feel free to PM me
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    #3
    First off girl ,you are very good with words/expressing your feelings!

    And though you may feel vulnerable because you spilled so much of yourself into that message, i think you would regret it more if you didn't say anything at all...

    so many hugs because i am sure you are feeling very hurt.
    and that he comes around.

    but....

    i see that it is only about 3 months into this deployment...and he has almost 8 to go.

    if your R&R with him isn't fantastic, i would consider taking steps to move on...because you owe it to your own heart to be with someone that never wants to think about you being alone, no matter how far the distance!!
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    #4
    I dont understand any of it either. If he meant what he said why would he let you go? You dont let someone go if you want to be with them. We are here for you.
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    #5
    MrsJennyyy is mah wife



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    #6
    I agree with PP, it's not fair to you to confuse you by saying "yes we're going to be together, but just not right now." I'd be feeling really confused and hurt too. I hope you can get some resolution soon.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by bobcatsgirl18 View Post
    First off girl ,you are very good with words/expressing your feelings!

    And though you may feel vulnerable because you spilled so much of yourself into that message, i think you would regret it more if you didn't say anything at all...

    so many hugs because i am sure you are feeling very hurt.
    and that he comes around.

    but....

    i see that it is only about 3 months into this deployment...and he has almost 8 to go.

    if your R&R with him isn't fantastic, i would consider taking steps to move on...because you owe it to your own heart to be with someone that never wants to think about you being alone, no matter how far the distance!!
    Thanks. I feel the same way about the message. I had to put it out there. And to be honest about R&R, its a 10+ hour drive down to NC, which I would be missing class and work for (excused but still) and I was supposed to stay with his family at their house...part of me still wants to go, but the smarter part of me knows better than to make that drive without knowing where things stand. I mean, I'm a hopeless romantic, and maybe seeing him will fix things, but he didn't even seem to want to give it a chance.


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    #8
    I am so sorry, I'm going through some similar shit and it sucks so if you ever need to talk I'm here

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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by *Ever* View Post
    I dont understand any of it either. If he meant what he said why would he let you go? You dont let someone go if you want to be with them. We are here for you.
    This.

    .
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    #10
    I think you did the right thing by expressing yourself. Nothing was heated or too upset in tone and it gets across how you feel.

    He is probably feeling very stressed at the moment, especially with knowing you were stressed not long ago. Give him time. I hope he gets his head clear and everything works for the best.
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