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Thread: Problems adjusting? *kinda long*

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    #1

    Screwy Problems adjusting? *kinda long*

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    So exDB became DB again when he got home I'm so happy he's home and that we are trying to work things out. But in the process of trying to work things out we have fought a bit and it's really gotten to me. Maybe it's bc we never really fought before. Anyways Friday night we were supposed to have a special date night... We went to dinner where he decided to tell me that he's leaving again in a little less than a month... Kinda upsetting way to start tge night. We had planned on having some quite time at home after dinner, we ended up having sex right when we got home which was probably not the best thing but I'm okay with. His best friend called after we finished to say there was a bonfire out at his place and we should come. DB looked really excited so I agreed to go even though I had said multiple times I wanted one night just us. We went it was fine and we all made plans for Saturday night. DB also said he'd cone over for breakfast Saturday morning.

    So Saturday he called about 5 mins after I finished cooking his favorite breakfast, to say he couldn't come unless a few friends came with bc they were going to go to the shooting range after. Awesome. I was a little upset but was ok since I figured I'd get to see him that night anyways. He stopped by with his buddies, ate, talked for a bit, then left. I asked later that afternoon when we were going out that night so I'd know when to be ready. He said 8. He was kinda a jerk any time I texted him that day but I thought he was just busy. Before he even got to my house we were bickering a little bc he was acting like he didn't want me to go but when I asked he said it was fine. I got in the car and I knew he was pissed. We went to meet his friend and while we were waiting for them I asked what was wrong. Apparently it was supposed to be a guys night and he didn't really want me there. We've spent enough time together. Apparently time having sex is the same as quality time. He was acting like a really big jerk and said a lot of hurtful stuff, we fought for about 2 hours at one point he admitted he was just really stressed with being home again and his family and him preparing for deployment. He was basically taking his stress out on me. I feel really hurt though and we kinda made up and talked about some changes that need to be made but I'm still really hurt 2 days later. Should write this off as him trying to adjust to being home paired with me being a but sensitive? Or should I bring it up again and talk to him about how hurt I am?
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    #2
    IMO I think you should back off- and give him some time to adjust-

    you guys broke up and are together again but it seems like he does not want you to be together 24/7.

    give him some space- text him today and just tell him to have a great day and to call you when he gets a chance.
    then leave him alone and let him have some time to himself and with his freinds.

    DH ( then DB) said to me when we were dating- that the one thing he loved about me was that I did not "need " him all the time.
    I called him only once a day, and did not try to see him all the time-
    even now after being together 15 yrs and being married for 12- I still only talk to him 2 times a day and only text him when I need too-
    AND he does not even live with me --I have found that guys do not like "needy girls".
    take a look at your philosophy towards relationships- you may find some insight to make your relationship better
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by gunsgirl View Post
    IMO I think you should back off- and give him some time to adjust-

    you guys broke up and are together again but it seems like he does not want you to be together 24/7.

    give him some space- text him today and just tell him to have a great day and to call you when he gets a chance.
    then leave him alone and let him have some time to himself and with his freinds.

    DH ( then DB) said to me when we were dating- that the one thing he loved about me was that I did not "need " him all the time.
    I called him only once a day, and did not try to see him all the time-
    even now after being together 15 yrs and being married for 12- I still only talk
    to him 2 times a day and only text him when I need too-
    AND he does not even live with me --I have found that guys do not like "needy girls".
    take a look at your philosophy towards relationships- you may find some insight to make your relationship better
    I don't feel like after not seeing him for 4 months and having gone through so much during than time that wanting one day to actually be with him is being needy. I don't call him or text him all the time and I would have been fine with him having a guys night if he had just told me rather than starting a fight where I spent 2 hours crying and ended up staying home anyways. I guess all I want is for him to want to spend time with me.
  4. cuz i'm wonderful
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    #4
    Leave block is a really stressful time. Everyone wants to see you, and honestly, you're confronting the fact you might never be home again. Let him do his thing. You may not be getting the time you want, but you're getting time. It's really hard on them, trying to make space for those who are most important.
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    #5
    I'm sorry OP, it doesn't sound like he's going to give you the kind of relationship that you want from him. It sounds like his friends are his number one priority right now, and he still wants to lead a bachelor life style but he wants to keep you around for sex. I understand cooking for his buddies, hell I love when DH has friends over for dinner or if they stay overnight I make them breakfast in the morning, but the way that he said he would only come over if they could come too is not ok in my opinion. He already had plans with you and blatantly disrespected you by making plans with his friends for the same time, and demanding that you cook for all of them or he wasn't going to come.

    I think you need to take some time an reevaluate the relationship. Relationships change, and I don't think that you should expect yours to ever be exactly the same as it was before you broke up.
  6. *Persevere*
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Moxie View Post
    I'm sorry OP, it doesn't sound like he's going to give you the kind of relationship that you want from him. It sounds like his friends are his number one priority right now, and he still wants to lead a bachelor life style but he wants to keep you around for sex. I understand cooking for his buddies, hell I love when DH has friends over for dinner or if they stay overnight I make them breakfast in the morning, but the way that he said he would only come over if they could come too is not ok in my opinion. He already had plans with you and blatantly disrespected you by making plans with his friends for the same time, and demanding that you cook for all of them or he wasn't going to come.

    I think you need to take some time an reevaluate the relationship. Relationships change, and I don't think that you should expect yours to ever be exactly the same as it was before you broke up.
    Completely agree.
    This is exactly what I was thinking as I read the OP. BTDT.
    "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same results." ~Albert Einstein

  7. Don't ever settle for less than you deserve.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Moxie View Post
    I'm sorry OP, it doesn't sound like he's going to give you the kind of relationship that you want from him. It sounds like his friends are his number one priority right now, and he still wants to lead a bachelor life style but he wants to keep you around for sex. I understand cooking for his buddies, hell I love when DH has friends over for dinner or if they stay overnight I make them breakfast in the morning, but the way that he said he would only come over if they could come too is not ok in my opinion. He already had plans with you and blatantly disrespected you by making plans with his friends for the same time, and demanding that you cook for all of them or he wasn't going to come.

    I think you need to take some time an reevaluate the relationship. Relationships change, and I don't think that you should expect yours to ever be exactly the same as it was before you broke up.
    Signature removed due to size.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by gunsgirl View Post
    IMO I think you should back off- and give him some time to adjust-

    you guys broke up and are together again but it seems like he does not want you to be together 24/7.

    give him some space- text him today and just tell him to have a great day and to call you when he gets a chance.
    then leave him alone and let him have some time to himself and with his freinds.

    DH ( then DB) said to me when we were dating- that the one thing he loved about me was that I did not "need " him all the time.
    I called him only once a day, and did not try to see him all the time-
    even now after being together 15 yrs and being married for 12- I still only talk to him 2 times a day and only text him when I need too-
    AND he does not even live with me --I have found that guys do not like "needy girls".
    take a look at your philosophy towards relationships- you may find some insight to make your relationship better
    wholeheartedly
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by gunsgirl View Post
    IMO I think you should back off- and give him some time to adjust-

    you guys broke up and are together again but it seems like he does not want you to be together 24/7.

    give him some space- text him today and just tell him to have a great day and to call you when he gets a chance.
    then leave him alone and let him have some time to himself and with his freinds.

    DH ( then DB) said to me when we were dating- that the one thing he loved about me was that I did not "need " him all the time.
    I called him only once a day, and did not try to see him all the time-
    even now after being together 15 yrs and being married for 12- I still only talk to him 2 times a day and only text him when I need too-
    AND he does not even live with me --I have found that guys do not like "needy girls".
    take a look at your philosophy towards relationships- you may find some insight to make your relationship better
    Quote Originally Posted by Moxie View Post
    I'm sorry OP, it doesn't sound like he's going to give you the kind of relationship that you want from him. It sounds like his friends are his number one priority right now, and he still wants to lead a bachelor life style but he wants to keep you around for sex. I understand cooking for his buddies, hell I love when DH has friends over for dinner or if they stay overnight I make them breakfast in the morning, but the way that he said he would only come over if they could come too is not ok in my opinion. He already had plans with you and blatantly disrespected you by making plans with his friends for the same time, and demanding that you cook for all of them or he wasn't going to come.

    I think you need to take some time an reevaluate the relationship. Relationships change, and I don't think that you should expect yours to ever be exactly the same as it was before you broke up.
    I agree with both of these.

    To me it sounds like the OP is not the DG. It sounds like he's walking all over you.
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    #10
    definitely stop giving him that cookie until you have clarity on his intentions. Back off and let him pursue you, if he wants you in an honorable way he will come for you and he will show you this.
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