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Thread: Marriage

  1. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #1

    Marriage

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    So, DB has been talking ALOT about marriage, and says he wants to get married soon so we don't have to do long distance very long and all that jazz, even though we would still be getting married if the military wasn't in play. But both of us come from divided families and I am worried, because I would never want to put us in the position to where we would get a divorce.

    My mom and dad were married at 18, due to a baby on the way (my older sister). They were married for awhile, I think 12 years, but I can never remember them having a happy marriage. My dad was remarried, and is now divorced again, but they are still together. I can't explain this, I don't even understand their relationship My mom has been single, and happily single, since.

    His parents were also married at 18, due to a baby on the way (his older sister). They were not married very long (I think 5 years?). His mom has been remarried for 11 years, happy marriage. His dad just got remarried about 4 months ago, and also have a happy marriage.

    So I was wondering if you guys think its possible for younger couples to get married, and have a happy marriage. I don't want to put my future children through having a split family because it has been really hard for me, and I know it has been hard for him also. Does it make a difference if you are getting married because you want too, as opposed to having a baby on the way, and doing it because you have too (family values on both sides)? I am not pregnant, and not planning on being pregnant, for awhile. This decision would be solely based on the fact that we want to be together, as a married couple. If the man asked me to marry him tomorrow, I wouldn't hesitate, I think we are a great match for eachother and rarely argue. We have practically lived together also, and it never put a strain on our relationship. But it seems harder and harder these days to have a happy marriage, and make it last, til death do you part.

    I guess I just need reassurance that it IS in fact possible!
  2. Senior Member
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    #2
    Just depends on the couple and the reasons for being together. I know lots of younger couples that got married and so far have been very happy together. Just because you get married young doesn't mean you're doomed. You have to work at it and getting married for the wrong reasons or because you feel like you should for a child may put a lot of stress on the relationship.
  3. I Will Rise Above
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    #3
    It IS very possible. Dh and I are young and we have a fantastic marriage.

    If you keep communication lines open at all times and talk and not let people get between you two and it will help your relationship and give you a great success rate. If your relationship is grounded in the right things and you are getting married for the right reasons I say you have a pretty good shot.

    It is totally possibly
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    #4
    I think it's possible... but I'm also 20 and just got married, so I'm probably not the most experienced person ever to tell you that. I don't think age really matters as much as maturity, work ethic, respect level within the relationship, and of course, love. If you are a super mature couple of 18 year olds... that think it can work, go for it.

    However, just because I've seen your posts about your DB being in navy bootcamp right now.. I will caution you. My DH (then DB) talked marriage alll the way through boot camp. Straight thru it. Once he got out, he was a different man whom treated me like shit. We broke up two or three times, he deployed (one breakup was during deployment) and it literally took him traveling around the world ALONE, and him seeing that I could, and would move on and find someone else before he pulled his head out of his ass. He grew up a TON on deployment... SO, I'll say this, if you're worried that possibly he isn't mature enough, I'd say wait through one deployment (be engaged) and THEN get married.

    LDR isn't that tragic. I'm married and have been LDR for two years, WILL be LDR for two more.
  5. sassypants
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    #5
    The age is different for everyone


    I know im not ready


    some people on this site are.


    it comes down to what you feel is right.
    rocket_liz is my wifey
  6. Senior Member
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    #6
    My parents were married two months after they graduated high school, had my older brother two years later and will celebrate 29 years of marriage next month (not including the 2 years they dated in HS). So yes it is possible. When I ask them what their secret it....communicate, fight fair, dont say things you dont mean and dont hold back your feelings

    Also, a gal I work with told me about her parents.Her dad was in the navy on leave, met her mom, they dated long distance for about 3 months before he called and said he was being transferred to HI...she said take me with you, two weeks later they were married and 38 years later couldnt be happier. I think she said they were both very early twenties...their secret? communication..imagine that



    NotThatMonkey is my awesome Wifey
  7. Don't ever settle for less than you deserve.
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    #7
    A young couple can by all means stay married their whole lives and be happy. No one should EVER get married just because they are having a baby though that spells disaster if that is the only reason for getting married.

    Getting married because you want to and you are ready is a HUGE difference in rushing it just because a baby is on the way. There is no need to rush it just so you can "be together" and "live together, because well honestly you will b apart still a whole lot even a year or more at a time with him in the military.

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  8. I Will Rise Above
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by SailorsBunny View Post
    My parents were married two months after they graduated high school, had my older brother two years later and will celebrate 29 years of marriage next month (not including the 2 years they dated in HS). So yes it is possible. When I ask them what their secret it....communicate, fight fair, dont say things you dont mean and dont hold back your feelings

    Also, a gal I work with told me about her parents.Her dad was in the navy on leave, met her mom, they dated long distance for about 3 months before he called and said he was being transferred to HI...she said take me with you, two weeks later they were married and 38 years later couldnt be happier. I think she said they were both very early twenties...their secret? communication..imagine that
    The bold are GREAT things to remember for sure!!!!
  9. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #9
    My parents got married when they were 19 and just celebrated their 30th anniversary. So I know it can work, no matter what your age you just have to be a team.
  10. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #10
    I certainly think that it is possible. However, I also think that it's more common to divorce when you get married young. DH and I know several folks that got married at 18 (all of whom have small children), and one couple is getting divorced, another is heavily into drinking and drugs and neglects their daughter, and the third is doing alright. They've had some serious problems with fighting, but they've been working it out much better lately.

    However-- my aunt got married when her and my uncle were...I want to say 21 and 22? And they're happily married to this day (25 years later). My grandparents got married at the same age as my aunt and uncle, and they were married for 51 years before cancer took my grandpa. It can happen!! DH and I got married about 5 months ago and we're both 21-- we're young, but we're hoping to avoid the pitfalls that our friends have had and instead follow the path of my family.

    EDIT: The best advice that I've gotten? To communicate everything. Realize that winning the argument isn't necessarily "winning" the argument-- it's working it out so that both people are happy. Even when you're angry, tell the other person that you love them and that you're sorry (this is for situations when you could be in the wrong too). Always treat each other with respect. And keep the marriage bed pure.
    ​​​

    “Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known.” -- Carl Sagan

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