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Thread: "You're making a mistake."

  1. The Dude Abides
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    #1

    "You're making a mistake."

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    I'm trying to figure out how to reconcile my parents' opinions that I'm making a mistake on pursuing an LDR with DB during my college years, with my opinion that I love DB, and we are going to see where this relationship leads us. Both my parents had unsuccessful long-term relationships before they met each other (one was a broken off engagement, the other was a failed marriage), and they are entirely convinced that I'm "putting all my eggs in one basket" and making a mistake with DB. They would like to see me date around some more and meet more people so I don't regret "not living enough in college". They've mistaken the fact that I miss DB to mean I'm lonely and unfulfilled in our relationship.

    *Sigh*

    As long as DB and I are happy together (we are very happy together), there is no reason I'd regret the time we spend in a relationship. I'm not pushing him to put a ring on it, and he doesn't feel pressured to take our relationship to the logical next step. We're happy together, we would be unhappy if we were not together, and so the clear answer to me is to stay together. I just wish I could convince my parents to trust my judgement.

    Has anyone else had this problem? Were you able to resolve it?
  2. Senior Member
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    #2
    I don't have any experience or advice just hugs...
  3. Switzerland
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    #3
    My mom told me I was just going to hurt him or get hurt and it wasnt worth it. I told her if it is a mistake its mine to make. Here we are 9 months later, 1 deployment later, and 1 leave later (where she met him briefly) and she is coming around.

    Its something they will have to do on their own time.
  4. The Dude Abides
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by QB77 View Post
    I don't have any experience or advice just hugs...
    Thank youuu!
    Quote Originally Posted by misskrissyo View Post
    My mom told me I was just going to hurt him or get hurt and it wasnt worth it. I told her if it is a mistake its mine to make. Here we are 9 months later, 1 deployment later, and 1 leave later (where she met him briefly) and she is coming around.

    Its something they will have to do on their own time.
    To the bolded, I suspected as much. It's just so frustrating to want validation and receive skepticism in return. It hasn't helped that they felt I was "keeping him from meeting them" as soon as they would have liked. I'm guessing that the situation is going to remain in limbo for as long as we are in an LDR and he can't spend much time with the family as a whole.
  5. I just can't even...
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    #5
    DH and I are in a LDR and have been for 3 years. It's not always unsuccessful. It totally depends on both people in the relationship. You should not let your parents unsuccessful LDR's scare you away from something that could be great! Especially since you seem happy with DB. Wait it out.
  6. Switzerland
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Sarahcuda View Post
    Thank youuu!


    To the bolded, I suspected as much. It's just so frustrating to want validation and receive skepticism in return. It hasn't helped that they felt I was "keeping him from meeting them" as soon as they would have liked. I'm guessing that the situation is going to remain in limbo for as long as we are in an LDR and he can't spend much time with the family as a whole.
    LDR is hard, especially when you dont have family support. DBs family is in the same town as mine, so whenever he comes home on leave we spend all our time with them. The only reason my parents met him was because we were on our way to the hospital to be with DBs dad and I needed to pick up my phone charger. And idk when anyone else in the family will meet him because he should spend time with his family, not mine. It comes with time. I know what helped me was talking with DB about it all. He reassured me that he loves me, and would rather be with me and thousands of miles apart than not with me.
  7. Just liviing our love song <3
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    #7
    Same here...my mom toldme she didn't understand why we didn't just stay friends until we had time to be together more...probably because aside from living on base withhim as his wife, "time" will be had in 20 years. Not gonna wait that long for this level of happy!
    "It is Jesus that you seek when you dream of happiness. He is waiting for you when nothing else satisfies you. He is the beauty to which you are so attracted. It is He who urges you to shed the masks of a false life...It is Jesus who stirs in you the desire to do something great with your lives." -JPII
  8. The Dude Abides
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by misskrissyo View Post
    LDR is hard, especially when you dont have family support. DBs family is in the same town as mine, so whenever he comes home on leave we spend all our time with them. The only reason my parents met him was because we were on our way to the hospital to be with DBs dad and I needed to pick up my phone charger. And idk when anyone else in the family will meet him because he should spend time with his family, not mine. It comes with time. I know what helped me was talking with DB about it all. He reassured me that he loves me, and would rather be with me and thousands of miles apart than not with me.
    That's something that I'll bring up when I can get him face to face (at least on Skype), instead of just being restricted to emails, so that I can gauge his reaction. Thanks for the advice!

    Quote Originally Posted by PolishPrincess View Post
    Same here...my mom toldme she didn't understand why we didn't just stay friends until we had time to be together more...probably because aside from living on base withhim as his wife, "time" will be had in 20 years. Not gonna wait that long for this level of happy!
    I agree with that!

    Quote Originally Posted by DCWife09 View Post
    DH and I are in a LDR and have been for 3 years. It's not always unsuccessful. It totally depends on both people in the relationship. You should not let your parents unsuccessful LDR's scare you away from something that could be great! Especially since you seem happy with DB. Wait it out.
    I'm pretty secure in our ability to stay together for the long run, and am definitely prepared to wait it out if I have to! I guess they'll see eventually that it's a good, solid, loving relationship, and it isn't going anywhere.
  9. Each day passes is one more day to forever ;)
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    #9
    My mom is constantly asking me why I dont get a DB who is closer to where I am right now..or why in the world I would choose the military lifestyle for myself.

    I just repeatedly explain that yes it is extremely difficult sometimes but I didnt necessarily choose it as landed in it when I fell in love with DB. I also have to constantly explain that its worth it to me to be with the man I love even if it means being apart for a little while.

    I mean, even if I had dated someone closer...that could fail too so either way you're having to take your chance on something working with someone else. They should come around in time. Just breathe and itll get easier.
  10. In vino veritas
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    #10
    I have been in 2 LDR's, one didn't work and one has been working..for 5 1/2 years. One relationship does not equate another, and your parents should respect that. Now, on one hand I get it. I'm not a mother, but imagine if your child was 18, going to college and gonna do LDR...I would probably warn them of the risk, let them know it probably won't work, be open to other love etc... BUT, ont he other hand, I am living proof that it CAN work through college, if both parties are willing and really in love. In the end, you just have to let your parents know that it is your life, and your life to live and mess up how you chose (not saying you are messing it up, but they probably see it that way). As long as you are both happy, thats what matters in the end. Good luck.
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