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Thread: Need Comments/Advice...I dont even know what I need!

  1. IBelongtoaSailor's Avatar
    IBelongtoaSailor is offline
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    #1

    Need Comments/Advice...I dont even know what I need!

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    Ok so here it is- I dont know what I am looking for but if you have comments/advice whatever I am open...

    Background: I am 20. I finished my associate's degree and took this spring semester off from school. He is 20 and is a DEPer in the Navy. He leaves for BC in August. We have been together 2 years and lived together for 13 months. We are engaged and we want to marry before he goes to BC.

    Problems: 1) I want to be with him asap when he gets assigned a station so I am torn between finishing my degree now or waiting until I move to base with him. 2) If we get married before he leaves my parents will not be helping with my college. but I dont even know if I want to finish now or wait. 3) I am extremely worried about the damage the military life will do to our relationship. I know he will be away and I wont see him alot and other stresses. Those I can deal with. I am really just afriad of growing apart or him (or me I guess too) finding someone else, cheating, etc. To me marriage is forever and I think love is a choice. We have the same beliefs about this I am just driving myself crazy with all these thoughts!

    I HATE being at a crossroads blah does anyone want to make my life decisions for me, please!?
  2. Senior Member
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    #2
    Ok so you finished your Associates what are you still in school for? I'm confused lol. My opinion is you have your whole life to be married. I'd finish it out and then get married.
    "Time passes. Even when it seems impossible, even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me."

  3. IBelongtoaSailor's Avatar
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    #3
    I want to finish my four year degree
  4. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Behindblueyes112 View Post
    Ok so you finished your Associates what are you still in school for? I'm confused lol. My opinion is you have your whole life to be married. I'd finish it out and then get married.
    I am sure she is planning on doing more, like transfering to a bachelors degree program and possibly graduate school after that.

    Sadly, OP, you have to make those decisions on your own. I can only give you and tell you to follow your gut. If you have real reason to be afraid one of you will cheat, I would advise that marriage is a bad idea until both of you are ready and that issue has nothing to do with the military lifestyle. and trust your instincts!

    BiggyBiggs...the Wifey that makes me go "WoW"
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    #5
    This is definitely a decision you have to make on your own. I know that for me my education is my priority, I know that DB will be gone a lot and so I want a career that will keep me busy while he is away. So being in an LDR for a few years until both of us have all of our stuff taken care of is worth it for me. But every person and every relationship is different, you have to figure out what will be best for yall in the long run and what will make you the happiest.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by honeybun View Post
    I am sure she is planning on doing more, like transfering to a bachelors degree program and possibly graduate school after that.

    Sadly, OP, you have to make those decisions on your own. I can only give you and tell you to follow your gut. If you have real reason to be afraid one of you will cheat, I would advise that marriage is a bad idea until both of you are ready and that issue has nothing to do with the military lifestyle. and trust your instincts!
    with this 100% Good luck!

    Finally together in Okinawa and ready to start some new adventures together!
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by RetepDoc View Post
    This is definitely a decision you have to make on your own. I know that for me my education is my priority, I know that DB will be gone a lot and so I want a career that will keep me busy while he is away. So being in an LDR for a few years until both of us have all of our stuff taken care of is worth it for me. But every person and every relationship is different, you have to figure out what will be best for yall in the long run and what will make you the happiest.
    You need to figure out where your priorities are and what is right for you two. If your parents stop paying your college it may cause some financial stress later when you do decide to go back. I also agree that you shouldn't get married to ward off fears of cheating. Married people can still cheat and there are many people who are in a committed LDR and never cheat. All things to consider when making decisions in the future. I wish you the best of luck!
  8. sassypants
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    #8
    I know u want to go now


    but wait


    Your goals are just as important as his work....Get your degree. If you must go now. save up and transfer to a college near him.


    JMO
    rocket_liz is my wifey
  9. Senior Member
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by AllThingsGo View Post
    I know u want to go now


    but wait


    Your goals are just as important as his work....Get your degree. If you must go now. save up and transfer to a college near him.


    JMO


    Being married is forever, so I'm not going to rush it, especially when I'm so young. I'm finishing grad school, seeing if military life changes either of us, and then I'll commit to marrying my DB. Granted, I'm like a SUPER calculated and careful person, but that's what I'm planning on doing.

    But don't trip... everything will work out exactly how it's supposed to.
  10. In vino veritas
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by jj2702 View Post
    You need to figure out where your priorities are and what is right for you two. If your parents stop paying your college it may cause some financial stress later when you do decide to go back. I also agree that you shouldn't get married to ward off fears of cheating. Married people can still cheat and there are many people who are in a committed LDR and never cheat. All things to consider when making decisions in the future. I wish you the best of luck!

    Agreed with this. Financial strain can ruin a marriage WAY more than long distance can. Its the number one reason for divorce. If you think school is important, I would not leave while my parents would pay for school. Marriage, if its the right guy, will be there forever, but school, esp. free school will not. Coming from someone in a 5 1/2 year LDR, they suck, but they are doable. Oh, and neither I nor DB have ever cheated on each other. You have to make the right choice for you. Good luck.
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