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Thread: What is it worth? (not sure lshack or mental wellness)

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    #1

    What is it worth? (not sure lshack or mental wellness)

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    I've been thinking lately. What is in it for me?

    (long, but advice needed)

    I've been in multiple unsuccessful relationships. I have never really been truly in a great place for any of them. I feel like it's wrong.

    I've been on a 90day manless sexless streak, and I've really looked hard at my life, moving on, and working on life myself.

    Now that I'm on track, I feel like I don't even want anyone. I HATE dating, and I don't hate anything else, really. I'm not a hater. But after going on dates and being stood up etc by this last guy making it such a mess, I really really don't feel like wasting my time.

    I've been looking at friends and family, and one friend is "dating" a guy that basically calls up once every two weeks for sex, the other is dealing with a child from a cheating SO, my parents have a HORRIBLE marriage, and just today I got a whole talk from a friend on NOT to get married lol

    slowly every guy I've had wrapped around my fingers have dissolved over the last month or so because I'm not doing anything since I don't WANT to.

    Why am I writing this? Because I feel I may be jaded in some way. I feel like I need someone to snap me out of this. I feel it's wrong, but, I also feel it's right a little bit, I mean, I've never met a good man...

    feel free to explain your happy life or bad lives, or advice as possible...I feel
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    #2
    I don't think you're crazy for trying to find yourself. Take all the time you need. You only live once and only you can really tell yourself what you need. I do however think though that life has a habit of giving you what you didn't know you wanted when you aren't looking for it.

    You are the cheese to my cannoli .

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    Sometimes all it takes is to stop looking. All those guys that drop like flies when you aren't giving them what they want aren't worth it anyway. You can't love someone until you love yourself. I think taking time of to learn about yourself and BE yourself is a wonderful idea. That being said, if someome comes into your life within these 90 days, I wouldn't put them off just because of a number. I eralized one day that since I was 12 I had only been single for two months. I felt like Ididn't know who I was alone. I broke up with my boyfriend (who I had a horrible relationship with and needed to get away from anyway) and vowed to be single for a while. Then I ran into DH at a bar (we had gone to high school together) and guess what? That time for myself went out the window. So anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is #1, good for you! #2, if Murphy's law works the way it usually does and you meet an amazing guy on day 75, don't let an abritrary number stand in the way.
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    Quote Originally Posted by mikeswife0730 View Post
    Sometimes all it takes is to stop looking. All those guys that drop like flies when you aren't giving them what they want aren't worth it anyway. You can't love someone until you love yourself. I think taking time of to learn about yourself and BE yourself is a wonderful idea. That being said, if someome comes into your life within these 90 days, I wouldn't put them off just because of a number. I eralized one day that since I was 12 I had only been single for two months. I felt like Ididn't know who I was alone. I broke up with my boyfriend (who I had a horrible relationship with and needed to get away from anyway) and vowed to be single for a while. Then I ran into DH at a bar (we had gone to high school together) and guess what? That time for myself went out the window. So anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is #1, good for you! #2, if Murphy's law works the way it usually does and you meet an amazing guy on day 75, don't let an abritrary number stand in the way.
    that's one of my problems, I really think I just don't want anyone.
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    #5
    Personally i come from a family where people are happily married.

    My grandparents on both sides are married for 50+ years
    My parents are married for 30 years now.
    My Sister is married, My brother is married, I am married.

    I believe in love . Not sure how to explain it.

    I don't think there is anything wrong with taking a break from men, i actually think its a good thing after a break up. Just don't surround yourself with negative energy, relationship or not, its your decision and i don't think you need a Debbie downer telling you how horrible marriage is lol.

    I Try to be Nicer, when you Try to be Smarter.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by dancerdixy View Post
    that's one of my problems, I really think I just don't want anyone.
    And there is nothing wrong with not wanting a man. If you don't want one, then eff them, youre ebtter than that! Focus on yourself, your career, your friends. Move somewhere you never can while attached- NYC, LA, London. Explore the world around you. If you ever become ready, you will find one. If not, you are perfect on your own. Everyone is. Be happy. Thats all that matters in this life.
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    #7
    That's great that you wanna be on your own for a while. Nothing wrong with that. Some people stay single their whole lives but if you DO want a relationship one day, you need to keep your mind wide open.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by dancerdixy View Post
    that's one of my problems, I really think I just don't want anyone.
    There's nothing wrong with that at all. Sometimes you just need to take a step back. Just sayin that life throws you curves sometimes.
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    #9
    PMing you now
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by ArmyStrong View Post
    Personally i come from a family where people are happily married.

    My grandparents on both sides are married for 50+ years
    My parents are married for 30 years now.
    My Sister is married, My brother is married, I am married.

    I believe in love . Not sure how to explain it.

    I don't think there is anything wrong with taking a break from men, i actually think its a good thing after a break up. Just don't surround yourself with negative energy, relationship or not, its your decision and i don't think you need a Debbie downer telling you how horrible marriage is lol.

    Wow that's a blessing! everyone in your fam is happily married. I know no one ever wants to think that in the end its what you grew up with, but nature/nurture is who we are. maybe the reason someone of us have unhappy marriages or relationships is because we don't know what one is like. We have no examples to go from. That's really sad, but true. I just hope i can happily marry someday LOL because lord knows no one in my family is happily married. Its just a mess on both sides. UGH!! My grandmom is a man hater, so is my mom. Just spiteful women. sister has had 2 failed marriages, my brother never married. Cousins only married because of ultimatum or conveniences. Single parent homes mostly. Its a disaster LOL. kinda scared to bring the DB to meet them HAHAHA.

    His mom and dad divorced, but the second marriage are successful. At least i think so.

    I've only had two relationships my whole life. well I'm only 21 so i guess that good. Wasn't really happy with my first boyfriend. I think i was only with him because he said he liked me. I do care a lot about him, maybe i did love him at some point but all my love was drained away and we did nothing but fight. Had to break it up because i gave him chance after chance to fix what was wrong.
    With my second DB I am going as slow as i can. I stayed single for a year until i met my second DB. We stayed just friends for 6 months. he met me in person for the first time and its history from there. We have ups and downs. Mostly because he refuses to be affectionate when i want/need him to be. He's learning ever so slowly what i need. I've told him my expectations and my needs and he's trying to fulfil them. Makes me happy. I'm his first girlfriend so he has a lot to learn.

    Original OP just give yourself sometime to soul search. You will find the one that makes you the happiest you ever been. The one who doesn't stand you up because he sees that spark! You know they say love finds you when your focusing on yourself doing you. It is true. I'm trying to get that into my niece's head, but she keeps dating these guys that are wrong for her and like i expect, getting her heart broken. I'm not saying he will come to you literally. Just do you right now. Become confident. So things you want. And believe me some guy will come to stop you in your tracks.

    "Oh! that girl is up to great things! Lets get her!!"
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