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Thread: When to make things official? Update in post #12

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    When to make things official? Update in post #12

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    Okay, so as you may or may not know i have finally met the person i have been talking to online for a while. It is going great so far, and we have plans to meet up this weekend again (and a skype date tomorrow).

    Any way, before we even met he told me that he wanted to wait a while before informing his parents of us. Cause he thinks his parents will see me as a 'distraction' from his pre boot camp training (aka working out). I was fine with this, however i am now starting to get worried that this is going to end up being more of a FWB thing.
    I know the logical thing to do is ask him about it but i do not want him to feel preasured since we have only met once, and i think we should wait at least a bit before informing people.
    I am a worrier, and now i am worried and unsure if this means that i will get to meet his friends or not. (cause i can understand holding off on the parents, but if i never met any one he knew it would super fishy). He has told me multiple times that he is looking for a relationship, and is interested in me.
    This is also the first time that i have started a relationship while it is still long distance, which i think is throwing me for a loop. I guess any advice would be greatly appreciated.
    Last edited by Jhr2678; 03-08-2011 at 12:33 PM.
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    Umm.. I might not be much help here. I don't know when normal people make relationships official... DB and I were really weird.. we weren't FB official bc of my parents... but we were not single... we just count our anniversary from when we met, because it was that extremely rare "we fell in love instantly and the whole world thinks we're nuts" kinda deal.

    But I would just talk to him about it. I unmderstand that ccan be pressureful (word??? is now.) But it is necessary. If you don't nip it in the bud now, it will just cause a lot of dram and possibly heartache later on.. good luck!
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    Quote Originally Posted by jaimie14 View Post
    Umm.. I might not be much help here. I don't know when normal people make relationships official... DB and I were really weird.. we weren't FB official bc of my parents... but we were not single... we just count our anniversary from when we met, because it was that extremely rare "we fell in love instantly and the whole world thinks we're nuts" kinda deal.

    But I would just talk to him about it. I unmderstand that ccan be pressureful (word??? is now.) But it is necessary. If you don't nip it in the bud now, it will just cause a lot of dram and possibly heartache later on.. good luck!
    Thats the thing, like we both agreed to take down our 'single' status on face book, but not put up a relationship there. Also, since he lives with his mom most of the time he has to visit here (at least for the first little bit since she does not even know about us yet).

    I think it is a combination of the face book thing, and that if i want to visit i would have to stay in a hotel. (and i am a poor college student). I even told him that if i stayed at his moms house i would request a sepate room from him out of respect for his mom (and i think she would be more likely to like me if i did that).

    I think i am also frustrated cause we discussed it 3 days ago the change of status, and i told him i was waiting for him to remove his till i change mine. However it has not changed, i know this is because he is currently with out a computer (he gets a new one later today) but part of me feels like well if he really was wanting a real relationship he would of gone on the family computer at his house and changed it.
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    honestly OP like you said I would ask him. I wouldn't ask like demanding but just bring it up in conversation. I completely understand about the whole parent issue but like you say any of his friends would be different too. I have never really been in this situation so I am just speaking from my friends POV when she was in this sitch. hope things work out for you good Luck!



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    If you don't want to be a friend with benefits, don't put out. Simple enough.
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    I guess my situation is different, and it may or may not help, but DH and I knew each other from high school. However we lost contact in 2005 and then he messaged me while he was deployed Jan 2010. We started talking, and really everything started through skype and I flew down to see him in May 2010 when he returned. It was the first time that I had seen him in 5 1/2 years.

    During the time from Jan - May, we didn't make anything official but we both knew we had feelings for each other. I made the decision, I was not going to date, or talk to, or get numbers from or anything like that with any other guys. I wasn't "taken" but I was definitely not "single" Same with him. We made it official the day I got there and we just knew we wanted to be with each other. I was afraid of him only wanting one thing but I was wrong. And now we are married. Almost 1 year

    Anyway, hopefully it isn't just a FWB relationship and it's what you are looking for. Communication and being open is a huge part in relationships IMO. Good luck!
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    Hm...I'm weird. I'm in law school and after my last relationship I got really distracted when we broke up so I wanted to wait awhile before I told my mom. DB had already told him family as soon as we got together. But once he told me his concerns, not in an accusing way, I told him I would let her know and give her the opportunity to meet him. By that time we had already been official for a month and a half. He was so happy when he met her.

    All I'm saying is that sometimes, some people just prefer to be with their SO for awhile before telling everyone. Just to make sure that things are going to last. But if you have concerns, its ok to talk to your SO about that.
    Just remember that I love you a lot and will always do so. You're my girl; my love. ~DB

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    Quote Originally Posted by Squishy View Post
    Hm...I'm weird. I'm in law school and after my last relationship I got really distracted when we broke up so I wanted to wait awhile before I told my mom. DB had already told him family as soon as we got together. But once he told me his concerns, not in an accusing way, I told him I would let her know and give her the opportunity to meet him. By that time we had already been official for a month and a half. He was so happy when he met her.

    All I'm saying is that sometimes, some people just prefer to be with their SO for awhile before telling everyone. Just to make sure that things are going to last. But if you have concerns, its ok to talk to your SO about that.
    I dont mind the not meeting people yet... i agree that for me and him it is still to early for that. I am just i guess super confused on what we are (which is my fault, i usually do not put out on the first date but i did). I think i am just going to tell him that i still want to hang out and see him ect. but that i would prefer to wait till things are more solid as to what we are to him

    He has told me he thought we were bf/gf. however he sitll has not deleted his dating profile (though it is hidden) and he has not taken down the single status on facebook which we discussed doing (though we would wait before saying on there that we are in a relationship).
    I know he does not have a computer till later today (since he just ordered a new one and it is on its way to him in the mail) However, he has been able to get on facebook and post. There seems to be a disconect in my mind between what he says and what he does. though i could be over reacting, and may just need to remind him to do those two things
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    Quote Originally Posted by Songtan Sally View Post
    If you don't want to be a friend with benefits, don't put out. Simple enough.
    Lol i know. I am more just worried what he thinks we are cause i already did put out (which i plan to inform him that i plan to wait before doing that again).

    I broke my own rule, which i made for a reason... so i dont freak out like this
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jhr2678 View Post
    I dont mind the not meeting people yet... i agree that for me and him it is still to early for that. I am just i guess super confused on what we are (which is my fault, i usually do not put out on the first date but i did). I think i am just going to tell him that i still want to hang out and see him ect. but that i would prefer to wait till things are more solid as to what we are to him

    He has told me he thought we were bf/gf. however he sitll has not deleted his dating profile (though it is hidden) and he has not taken down the single status on facebook which we discussed doing (though we would wait before saying on there that we are in a relationship).
    I know he does not have a computer till later today (since he just ordered a new one and it is on its way to him in the mail) However, he has been able to get on facebook and post. There seems to be a disconect in my mind between what he says and what he does. though i could be over reacting, and may just need to remind him to do those two things
    You can always remind him. I wouldn't necessarily think those are big things if you guys just recently got together. My DB and I met online too and it wasn't until I got an email about my profile that I remembered to delete it. Actually, we deleted ours together because i asked if his was still active and it was even though he hadn't checked it since before we started talking more extensively. And while I sometimes think people make too big of a deal out of facebook, if it is bothering you just mention that you've changed your profile and would like him to change his as well.

    Hm...I don't know what to tell you about dealing with the "what are we" topic. I knew when DB and I were official because he asked me specifically to be his girlfriend (3 times since I was nervous about getting into another relationship after my last breakup ). Maybe just let him know you don't know where you stand with him and need more clarification??
    Just remember that I love you a lot and will always do so. You're my girl; my love. ~DB

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