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Thread: Is it just boot camp talking?

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    #1

    Question Is it just boot camp talking?

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    I got a letter from DB yesterday and it was really mushy and romantic, which is cute but he was talking about marriage and kids and such. We have talked about marriage in the future but not anytime soon. I want to finish school and stuff. It kind of freaked me out! I mean I love DB and I know we will eventually get married but Im not ready for that conversation yet. He gave me a promise ring before he left and that was a little overwhelming for me. Honestly before him I never thought I'd marry at all, much less young. I was just wondering if this was more the distance talking or could he have really changed that much in 8 weeks? From you ladies who went through boot camp with your men did he say similar things? I don't know how much I should take to heart since obviously I can't actually talk to him... Am I reading too much into this?
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    #2
    I never had to go through the boot camp phase with DF, but he may be saying that because he misses you so much and he realizes how much he loves you and wants to take the next step forward .
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    See we never talked about taking the next step soon. It was always hypothetical. Like "one day" or "in the future" not like "I want to marry you". I have an aversion to marriage. Its kinda scary. lol.
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    Well I know that Basic changed my DB a hell of a lot. So it is entirely possible that he has really changed that much in such a short time. When they're in that environment, they have to be completely focused and everything in their lives change. They're cut off from everything they've known previously, and at least in my experience, it made him think about a lot of things, including us.

    Before DB left we broke it off because he thought he'd handle better if we tried to distance ourselves beforehand. He hadn't told me he loved me for a few months before he left. His first phone call to me was less than two minutes long, but he wanted to make sure I knew he loved me.

    So I don't think it's necessarily the distance talking, rather it probably helped him shape his views and take a serious look into his future. He probably recognizes how important a strong support system is for him, and knowing that you're sticking with him through this means a lot to him, I'm sure.

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    It's even more shocking because Db and I were kinda on the rocks before he left. I think we just got out of the "everything is fine" stage and we were kinda starting to have our difficulties and I was pushing him away (bc he was leaving and its what I do). I guess it makes sense we have been together 2 years, moved in together, bought a dog together... It seems like we were going in the marriage direction but I guess all the talk of it is a little much. Im also quite a bit younger than him. Im turning 19 and He will be 23 this month. I kinda worry that he is going to be ready to settle down before me. I think we are going to have to talk about it when he gets home... but I also don't want to cause problems while he is home.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by MarinesGirl27 View Post
    It's even more shocking because Db and I were kinda on the rocks before he left. I think we just got out of the "everything is fine" stage and we were kinda starting to have our difficulties and I was pushing him away (bc he was leaving and its what I do). I guess it makes sense we have been together 2 years, moved in together, bought a dog together... It seems like we were going in the marriage direction but I guess all the talk of it is a little much. Im also quite a bit younger than him. Im turning 19 and He will be 23 this month. I kinda worry that he is going to be ready to settle down before me. I think we are going to have to talk about it when he gets home... but I also don't want to cause problems while he is home.
    Well, I agree that you need to talk about it with him. I wouldn't bring it up out of the blue, but if while he's home he mentions it again I would. I mean, they go through a LOT in BCT. I know for DB, he turned to religion (which he never had before) and especially to me. As I said, DB and I broke it off before he left, so when he left I knew this either was going to ultimately split us up for good or make us realize how much we want to be together. And he ended up writing to me everyday and looking to me to keep his spirits high and be his support. It's definitely possible that your DB is doing the same, looking to you and thinking of your future together to help him through this. And when he talks about marriage and kids and such, that doesn't necessarily mean he wants to run down to the court house the minute he gets home. It could very well just be something he's looking forward to, but in the future. And thinking/talking about it makes him happy, gives him something positive to focus on.

    I wouldn't worry much about it now. Let it play out, see if he brings it up again. If you want, you could even write back something along the lines of "I can't wait until I finish school so we can start building our life together." So you kind of hint that while you do think it's a possibility for the two of you, you want to finish school first.

    Personally, I would wait it out. If he writes it in a letter again, maybe bring up finishing school first. But make sure you're still reassuring him, you don't want him to feel like you're starting to pull away.

    Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk about it or whatever Sorry if this was a bit long and rambly, I'm getting tired.

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    #7
    Thanks I am probably reading too much into it. DB knows how much this kinda talk freaks me out when its serious so maybe he is just talking future. Thanks for the advice
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    #8
    Don't stress. Sure he just really misses you!.

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    #9
    I should probably just be happy he misses me so much I think I'm just sensitive since this has been a small issue in our relationship. Lol
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    #10
    DB has sent me 10 letters now, and each one of them mention marriage somewhere! For us, it caused us to pull away and reevaluate. I think we both came to realize how much we meant to one another pretty quickly.

    He and I were arguing (or really I was fighting him) before he left because the notion of being away from one another caused a lot of anxiety. Now that your DB is gone, he's had a chance to think a LOT about the two of you. He doesn't have much else to rely on right now other than letters, whereas your support system is still tangible and near.

    I hear that bootcamp makes them mature quite a bit, so that could be an aspect of it as well. He probably feels in some way that marriage would "secure" his spot in your life, a very real fear for them is that they will become irrelevant.

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